SJB the Words

Eating Good in the Neighborhood

2011-07-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

I LOVE the market! You can get all kinds of yummies like these on Benson St.

Yes LAWD. Snails. And we nah talkin' escargot!
Upon my family's recommendations, I ate at Jande's on Center St this week. It's owned my members of my family on my stepfather's side, so thanks in advance for footing the bill! You'll see it when you get here!

This was all that was left when I remembered to take a picture. Bong (casava/ yucca) fries: THE BEST. Who knew that a thin shave instead of a fat cut would make all the difference? They're so good he could bag 'em up and sell 'em at Lonestar football games if he wanted.

The only thing is that the plate of chicken and fries is $12 each. That's like charging ex-pat prices at a Liberian establishment. The clientele and the price don't click. Again, thanks Baba for taking that tab... it surprised me!

And in more simple delights:
I was walking to my tailor on Camp Johnson when I saw these treats on the street. If I ate street food, I'm sure I'd be delighted to have some shortbread buttered on all four sides or a meat pie, but I'm a bit of a food snob. I like to see running water near by before I dig in.

Great pics of the market coming soon. Room temperature cow foot anyone?!?

Beautiful Life

2011-07-30T14:10:00.000-07:00

This is the scene I live for the most. I love to see children walking around the streets of Monrovia, enjoying their city. Most times I see them escorting a handicapped man from car to car, begging for money or with big buckets of cold water on their head. But sometimes I get the visual treat of viewing true adolescence. And it makes me smile.

African Purples!

2011-07-28T07:35:00.000-07:00

I love bright colors, so I moved to the right continent! I get so giddy over the bright pinks and purples that surround me! See for yourself why there's no place like home...

My colleague Amanda just came back from Rwanda and brought me these sassy earrings. She also brought me the rubberband below that reads "Genocide- Never Again- Rwanda 1994." I love being able to be socially conscious and trendy at the same time.

And of course, for my latest broadcast I rocked a custom made hot pink and black tye die jacket. Clearly I wasn't going to be really cooking in it. If you wanna kiss the cook, kiss Rose.
Wanna see it? Here it goes!

Happy 26th Paw-Paw Pie for Liberian Independence Day!! from Archel Bernard on Vimeo.

Liberian Living: Nelson Mandela Dreams

2011-07-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

I should apologize for leaving you all hanging for so long. There's no better day to get back on the writing train for a struggling young journalist than Nelson Mandela's birthday. I think being in Liberia is a crazy experience, but if I can make it here I know I can make it anywhere. Anywhere except 27 years in a hard labor prison. Nelson Mandela's life puts a lot of things into perspective for me, and the first is that no matter where I think my ceiling is, I can always go a bit higher. Push a bit further. "Stay the course," as my mom likes to say before she gives me her "unbiased opinion" that if anyone can accomplish what I want from life, it's me.

Maybe I think I can do anything because she always told me so.

These plans I'm looking at are so wild, God HAS to intervene for them to be successful.

Working at the Mayor's office has its ups and downs like any job. The "up" is that I get to host and produce a great webisode with relevant content twice a month for my faithful viewers. The down is that I have a limited number of faithful viewers. I want Oprah's viewership. Pronto.

Everyday I try to do something new to further my career goals outside of MCC. Have you ever googled "African Female Presenters" or "African Lifestyle Television?" You don't get a lot of relevant results, I'll tell you that. This just shows me what an untapped domain I'm aiming for, and how much I'll have to convince the world that me and my talents are needed. I'm pretty scared. What if no one cares? What if Africans would rather watch Tyra and Ellen talk American culture on DSTV than let me, their fellow African, tell their stories to the world?

Well, here goes nothing. Like a true believer in the Law of Attraction, I decided to write out what it is I want from my life, and now that it's published I can't turn back.

To host a show that draws a large audience globally and exposes that global audience to African people.
To contribute to the modernization of Africa in business, technology, and culture.
To speak at a Georgia Tech commencement ceremony.
To build an orphanage to supreme standards that will educate many of Africa's great minds.
To make my momma proud and free from financial burden.

That's really all I want.
Let the church say "Amen."

I'm enjoying the road so far, but imagine the days when this will be "way back when..." (!!!!)

Please pray for me. And I'm not asking in a superficial way, but I really have plans that seem so huge that my little body can't accomplish it all on my own.

"...when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." --Psalm 61:2b

Liberian Living: The Land Where God Smiles

2011-04-19T06:02:00.000-07:00

Just had my first plum from my tree!!! It's a great day in Monrovia for me! I popped it in the fridge and had the best two minutes of my life eating an authentic, Liberian, chilled mango. My tongue still has the taste of sugar! Way better than the ones in the states!

Over the weekend, I traveled to Buchanan, a city an hour past the major airport in another direction. The large destination part of the beach is right through the ArcellorMittal plant. There, a few friends and I found a few palava huts and an outdoor bar and cookshop to enjoy the most beautiful beach in the world. You can see the interesting formation of the coast, with the rocks, sand and grass, palm trees, etc. The black rocks weren't even hot because of the constant spray from the ocean. The Atlantic Ocean on this side of the world is pretty rough. I don't even really know what an under-current is, but ask any Liberian, that sucker is going to drag you out to sea if you're not careful.

Not a speck of trash in sight!

I'm always scared to eat from cookshops. You just don't know how clean the food is or how long it's been sitting out. The sun can give you huge hunger pains though, so I risked it and was quite happy I did. They had a luxurious cookshop menu in Buchanan.

No gloves, plenty jewelry.

Typical Cookshop food in Liberia:

Roast Meat: Cut meat cubes on a skewer (stick). Often with onions and served with fried pepper sauce and ketchup on the side. Sometimes simply called a meat stick. Mind you, I've never seen a cow in Liberia, but somehow roast meat is everywhere. I'd beware if I were you.
Chicken: Just chicken, usually dark meat. The 'country chickens' are kind of tougher and skinnier than what we're used to in America. I prefer imported chicken. I like the added hormones.
Plantains: Usually fried, but can be found boiled easily. My favorite side that can double as a dessert if they're sweet enough. If I had a restaurant I'd serve it with vanilla ice cream. Alas, I'm asking a lot from a cookshop.
Sausage: Pronounced Saw-chage. Really wrinkled, over-cooked, skinny hot dog on a stick. I haven't seen a real sausage since I touched down. I wouldn't mind so much if they were using Nathan's or Hebrew National's, but there I go again wanting too much from a cookshop.
Fish: We are after all on the coast. Usually the fish is fried with the plantain or grilled with everything else. It's always really bony, and typically a type of fish I've never heard of.
Boiled Egg: Hard boiled egg. I always wish they would just scramble it.

This cookshop was luxurious because they also served typical Liberian style potato salad. The salad recipe consists of potatoes, mixed veggies, boiled egg, spam, and mayo. This cookshop also cost about 2-3x as much for each entree. A roast meat stick may usually cost $20LD, here it was $50LD. The chicken platter was $5USD and came with potato salad and plantains, but that price and suggested quality would be unheard of in the city. In true cookshop fashion, there was no place for the cook to wash her hands and I did a little prayer that I wouldn't get sick after eating it.

The House at Sugar Beach
I have been trying to read more literature on Liberia so I can have something to base my findings on, but all Sugar Beach did was make me cry. I read the book when I went to the beach, ironically with some Cooper kids my age, and finished it rapidly. I had never learned as much about Liberian history before reading the book. I was in college before I truly understood how I could be West African and yet had a red complexion. My family rarely talked about Liberia, and I think it's because we had to really focus on having a life in America. I knew my grandfather was somewhere in Africa, and I knew my parents grew up there, but I never really grasped what it meant to be Liberian until I came in 2004. During middle school, I wished I was from some cool, faraway country where I had different customs and colorful clothes and a culture I could share with a few kids at school. 14 years of war robbed me of being able to grow up knowing that I already had all of that.

Anyway, I put off reading Sugar Beach before, and I think I was meant to read it at the low point of my time here. My close family knows I've met a few issues in the past month, and Sugar Beach has helped me realize I am just part of the pioneering class of Liberians here today. It really renewed my anxiousness to keep moving toward my goals here!

The book was written by Helene Cooper of the Dennis and Cooper families, which are two relatively large Congo families that I have plenty "Antys" and "Uncles" from. In Liberia, older people always want you to "add handle" to their names. Even if they're not related to you, you have a lot of play Antys you didn't know about until they meet you and say you look just like your parents, their good friends from the time they were small. "Mrs." and "Mr." is much too formal, and "Uncles" will give you food and money. ;) She went to ACS, which is the American school my mother attended, and also attended First United Methodist Church, for which my grandfather was lay leader. The hardest part about reading the book was understanding the life I could have had here if there had been no war. I would have watched movies at the Relda, and begged to go across the street from my house to Sophie's Ice Cream to hang out with other Congo kids that I knew. I don't have any childhood Liberian friends now. My Liberian English is laughable, and both Relda and Sophie's are in need of serious reconstruction (understatement). The places a kid could go to have fun in the 70's are now just cement shells.

Liberians just didn't learn how to integrate. Just because we were all the same color we felt we didn't need to, but oppression of any kind is bound to cause unrest. We're a great example of the need to open opportunities for advancement to everybody. I'm at ground zero and I believe we still need to work on this Congo/ Country People thing. Right now I have friends in the states that are of Country families, because we all had to scatter by 1990, so how different are Liberians really? Success seems to be a birthright.

Below are some Cooper properties. The morning I finished the book, I woke up at the nearby Thinker's Village Hotel and walked right over to Sugar Beach to feel connected. Well, it would have been great to have had a tour guide who actually knew which house was the one Helene lived in. I didn't. Desmond took me here instead of the right property. And as I walked around trying to picture the room that the girls all shared to protect each other from imaginary demons, or which room her mom was raped in, I realized every shell really has a story. Some family lived here and had to flee. What happened to them? Were they able to do successful business wherever they relocated? Will they come back to property disputes? The squatters are plenty in this house, and they believe they own it, that's for sure. When I returned home in 2004, my grandfather had put every penny into making the house livable for us. I never was familiar with a shell. The shells didn't talk to me before, and the country is full of houses that look just like this. Imagine if this were your home.

Would have been awesome if someone could really point the house out to me. Anyone headed to Kendeja soon??

Anyway, Helene Cooper wrote "Liberia wasn't a place where you lived, it was a place where you died." I'm here to claim it for you living breathing pioneers!!

Endless Trash:
There's a really slummy district of Liberia called West Point that we're trying to clean through the IMPAC Program at Monrovia City Corporation. This is the program funded by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. When people talk about the worst places in the world to live, West Point is the best place to get footage of extreme poverty. The site manager was discussing her frustrations with the daunting task ahead of her:

"The main hospital in Monrovia discards birth waste (umbilical cords, etc) by throwing it outside and rinsing the street.It runs off into a community called West Point (named after the US military location) which is full of squatters and essentially homeless residents.

Since the residents of West Point are not landowners, they cannot formally complain about the issue. The hospital always claims they will report the people and have them removed. So children walk to school and jump over after-birth and umbilical cords like hopscotch."
I showed up to West Point in a sundress and flip flops. Well, next time it'll be rubber boots and long sleeves. People didn't even pause from using the bathroom when we drove up. They literally squat where they eat at West Point. Progress cannot come fast enough for these residents.

My grandmother said "West Point? What were you doing there?!?!" Trying to have my part in making a change Nana. I'm documenting things that will not be the same five years from now. We have great grants and leaders that are taking us away from this point.

Whein Town

I took a trip to the World Bank funded landfill at Whein Town, just outside Monrovia and I see we are making progress already in some places. The workers on site showed me how they dig the hollow beds to dump trash and cover them with dirt again so they meet international standards. The manager who took me out, Pusah, is very proud (not in a cocky manner) of the job he is doing out here, and he has every right to be. He took me to see the dump site and made sure I didn't take pictures of exposed trash because he wants the world to see how hard they're working to make things better in Monrovia, and specifically by international standards. I enjoyed my expedition so much! As filthy as it was. My mom would have died!

On top of trash!

Kids were there as young as 8 years old, picking through the trash for things to sell. Bottles, tins, rubber, and scrap metal are valuable items in the landfill, and if they don't find them they don't eat. I think of my own sisters in flip flops among rubbish so they can buy some roast meat. One kid's skin was so dirty the sweat didn't drip, it simply beaded and stuck to her face. Progress is being made but it all takes time.

I'm here and I'm hopeful and I'm waving at you from across the Atlantic!
I don't think I'll continue this blog beyond the summer. I have to save some material for a book of my own, you know. Maybe you all can join me in Monrovia and we can write history together!

Liberian Living: True Nationalism

2011-04-11T07:22:00.000-07:00

I sure have missed writing. I am now a true African as I have acquired and gotten over my first round with malaria. Trust me, it was beating me up well!

I have to thank my Anty Nyemale at Krystal Oceanview Hotel in Mamba Point for helping me heal at full speed. Without her I would have been on the flight home and there would be no

more Liberian Living to enjoy. I encourage you to stay there if you need a hotel in Liberia, or at least visit by dining over the oceanside when you're in the area. The breakfast buffet for guests of the hotel kept meat on my bones and made me truly feel at home. What I like most about their hotel is the branding involved. In Liberia, when you rent a room, you rent a room. At

Krystal you get the little shampoos and napkins with their logo, similar to Western hotels. A

little touch like that may seem trivial to you, but I'd like to think Liberians can have the simple things when we vacation as well. I enjoyed my Krystal/malaria experience as much as one with

malaria can.

Malaria is scary because I know people can die from it. And before you ask, yes of course I was taking anti-malarial medication. However, I had heard that if you're in Liberia for a while

you're going to get malaria no matter what you do to prevent it. The first symptom for me was a really persistent chill. If you have a chill in tropical Liberia, you are sick. That's pretty basic. I was so tired at work and just cold. Everyone's answer for everything is, "oh you must have malaria," and how I wish they had been wrong.

The worst part of it all was the night my heart was beating through my chest. I just prayed to God, "please take half this pain away and let me live through the night." Malaria can really make you feel like you're dying! I had never cried from persistent pain before, and I don't even like getting my hair braided. Malaria feels like someone put their hand in your chest and is just looking for organs to pull out.

So there you have the experience if you ever wanted to know. I don't want it ever EVER again.

Anty Nyemale referred me to a great place for treatment called Snapper Hill Clinic near Mamba Point. It was such a drastic change from JFK Hospital, and it was still very affordable. All of my treatment, medicine, and lab work cost me less than $10USD. More important, the doctor there was able to diagnose other issues I wasn't aware needed to be treated. Your health can really deteriorate in Liberia, and you may just blame it on the filth, but I'm more confident there are good healthcare options after the care I received at Snapper Hill.

pre war operating table... frozen in time

very charismatic lab tech

extended stay bedrooms... way better than JFK

this tests your blood... how ancient! but it said positive for malaria, and they keep everything sanitized. Use what you've got!

Translations:

Nah mine - A shortened version of never mind, which is what people say when they feel bad for you. For instance, since I was sick everyone said "nah mine yah," as their way to express their sympathy for my condition. When you say this, you may not even be at fault, but it's just how you show you care.

Foreigners and Liberia:

There's an interesting event going on in Liberia right now called the Liberian Mining, Energy, and Petroleum Conference. It's the first one of its kind and it made me feel good to see an event of its caliber being held in city hall. All the money makers of Liberia are here, but the Liberian bosses and board members are painfully few. I don't have any resolve on these problems. What can Liberians do to acquire the wealth in our country? Another war would make the foreigners leave, but then we would be isolated and in even more pain. Liberians don't think of long term investments enough to even sustain our country. Everything is done with the mindset of eat today, worry about tomorrow when it comes, and this keeps all the major business out of our hands. Last night the president's sister had a birthday party at Palm Springs Resort and Casino. All of that business would have been welcome at Liberian owned Myrtle's Beach at Kendeja, and they would have had a blast at a lower price, but if you want a resort and casino the Liberians haven't got the resources or drive to open one yet. So the Lebanese business benefits and takes our money back to Lebanon. We aren't helping ourselves, and now that mining and energy are becoming huge cash cows here, we still aren't herding the cattle. Shame on us for our mismanagement of our land. If you had a foreign company, wouldn't you capitalize on small, mineral rich countries as well?

The catch-22 is that I keep trying to appeal to you all for help. I want you to donate, but I don't want you to take all the business. My dispute is simply in my search for equality. There are Australian kids going to great schools because their parents work for a logging company in Liberia. But those are our logs, and a child born on the same day in Liberia probably will never benefit from those trees. The child will not even be able to read in sixth grade, yet they come from a wonderfully generous land of liberty. It's all almost a joke. We're not winning here.

I almost ate a sardine sandwich today. It was really cute and from PA's Ribhouse so I thought it was tuna salad. I'm certainly glad I asked because I have never had sardines in my life and the thought makes me cringe. Liberians love sardine sandwiches, but I love American food. Still as a Liberian, I'm going to want to keep the American feeling of a cheeseburger (no nutmeg) and sort bread. I want a real sausage for breakfast, not a chopped hot dog. I can't fully be Liberian as long as I don't shake my American preferences, and a big preference for me is nationalism. I want us to want to own Liberia. This feeling I will not shake. People think going to a foreign country will make their lives better, but we aren't focused on making this one supreme. The foreigners have money largely because of our land. We should just be more proud of ourselves than to let everyone set the terms for our lives and own our resources. We should not eat sardines because we should have earned the money to eat tuna (not that tuna is so posh). Why are we eating sardines in the first place? In America that is pet food. People should not be able to dress up the sardines for us and make us think we are being nourished while they eat our tuna off our coast. I'm tired of it.

I promise you we will soon talk fashion. Air France flies direct from Paris to Monrovia starting April 20th. I will soon be fundraising for my fare.

Special thanks to my friend Patrick Lancaster from AZ. He came all the way to his favorite African hideaway, Monrovia, and brought me my first batch of children's books. He even chose African American characters so the kids can see themselves in the stories! They're going to love them and I'm eternally grateful! Keep em coming guys!

Liberian Living: Progress in my Heart

2011-03-29T05:26:00.000-07:00

I know it’s been a minute since you’ve received a personal blog update from me, but I do hope you’ve been following the Mayor’s blog to get a glimpse at what I’ve been up to. I currently work in the hardest working office in Liberia, and that leaves very little time to author my personal experiences, but you know my mind has been overflowing with good things about being home.

Me, Mayor, Desmond

Check out what's happening in Monrovia here. Visit my new little pride and joy.

The very same day I got my job, I got a car. It was not just any car either. It was a Mercedes. This Mercedes was older, so it’s not like I was driving around Monrovia in a flashy manner but it was still enough car to make the police think I was wealthy enough to pull over for foolishness. The reason a Mercedes in Liberia is key for me is because my grandfathers drove Mercedes cars when they lived here. When I got mine, it felt suited perfectly for me. I could never bring myself to park it in the car port at my grandpa’s house because I believe that it’s still where his car should be. I can only imagine how things would have been had there been no war. I would have seen my grandpa in his Mercedes, going to and from his company, rather than simply hearing about his legacy. This morning I cried a bit as I brushed my teeth in his bathroom. I looked in that same mirror he looked in thousands of times while he shaved for work. To be in Liberia without my grandfather is surely a sore feeling for me. Everyday I have to talk myself out of tears.

Before

Butmy grandfathers are protecting me. One week after I got my car, my boyfriend and I had a car accident that could have been horrible. I was asleep in the back seat with my body stretched out and I heard someone whisper, “hold on tight.” As the car flipped several times we were able to emerge with our faith and bodies intact. Both my grandfathers were Mercedes fans, and although one passed away in the 70s behind the wheel, I was blessed and protected this month. Clearly someone thinks I’ve still got a large job to do here in Liberia.

Praise God

The worse part of the accident was going to JFK Hospital afterward. The way people were strewn about the emergency ward in any kind of way they could fit. Men laid naked with their legs open on the beds and on the cold floor next to puddles of urine. The women laid in beds with their clothes off, sweating, trying to cover what they could. The rats that scurried by the check in desk were the size of the children who were still begging for money and attention. This is the emergency hospital in Liberia, and had we needed plenty of attention, we surely would have died.

The organization called HEARTT, Inc was in town that same day to host an event at Monrovia City Hall. Dr. Sirleaf from HEARTT’s board checked us out later the next day. When we told him about our experience at the hospital he partners with, he wasn’t surprised. He simply reiterated how important it is that people invest in healthcare for Liberia. After my trauma in the trauma room, he couldn’t be more right.

Translations for this week:
Seree – Another word meaning “of America.” Being that I am “of America” I hear all the words that have to do with my upbringing. “Yah mayor’s office full a so so seree girls,” means “The Mayor’s office has plenty of American girls.”

You pa – A phrase that usually means someone is about to tell you about yourself. It seems to be short for “your part of problem,” which is pretty much stated when people tell you about your flaws. “You pa you like too much street business,” pretty much means “you like going out too much.”

Women as a Commodity (my tough story for the week):
One of the themes for the last class I took on campus was ‘commodification’ and it is here in living color with women as an affordable, common good. I work around many women who were here during the war and the stories are just awful. One, Angeline, had a mulatto sister before the war. Her father had a fair skinned daughter by a Peace Corp worker in Maryland County, Liberia. Angeline explained that she always ran from the war because Prince Johnson killed her pa, and raped her sister until she died. In her mind, war killed her family so she was literally running for her life. As the story goes, Prince Johnson always had a thing for the fair-skinned “Conga” women, meaning women whose ancestors are former US slaves and therefore were mixed with Caucasian blood somewhere down the line. They say every time he saw a Conga woman, she had to be his. I think about my beautiful sisters and just cringe at the thought. Women were victims and weapons in the war here, and ultimately it was women who caused the fighting to cease. I still cannot watch ‘Pray the Devil Back to Hell’ because the story is too real. For right now, I know there was a war here because everyday I work to clean it up. But to see footage will make it too real for me and I don’t think I can experience all of that.

Another co-worker talked about when she was 13 and a general came to her mom and said, "that’s the one I want. I will be back for her tonight." Her ma told the general that her daughter was a small girl and couldn’t possibly go with him. He said “big girl like that? She will be just fine.” After that she had to stay away from her town for almost a week until the coast was clear. When she was old enough she got a job at the Royal Hotel in Sinkor, and whenever people said “government officials are here,” she would hide in the back storeroom until they left. She didn’t want anyone to want her, “because one will want you, take you out, then another will see you and take you from him. Before you know it they have all passed you around whether you want them or not until they find the next red girl to take your place.”

These days, women still have a cost, the fare is just handled differently. I work in the Mayor’s office and every Lebanese man that comes through the door has asked for my phone number when the Mayor looks away. They offer money right there in the office with huge wedding bands on their fingers. Some say “don’t be scared,” or “we will be friends, I will help you,” as if associating with them is something I have no choice but to do. It’s hard for me to see the foreign businessmen as people whose industries can build my country up while they still prey on my Liberian sisters. A woman who makes $100USD a month would at least consider the option of dating these men. During the war it could keep her fed. Now, it could still just keep her fed. There are some very tough decisions to make here.

The magic words used by NGOs to gain funding these days are girls, women, empowerment, and technology. Any combination of these will earn your group a piece of someone’s budget this quarter. President Johnson-Sirleaf is so tickled by a conversation she had earlier this month with a boy who wanted to be a doctor, a lawyer, and a businessman. She asked him why he didn’t want to be president, and he exclaimed ‘that’s a woman’s job.’ The problem here is this: women have been misused for so long in our history that we need to take measures to level the playing field. However, if we are not careful we will have a society of prosperous women and incompatible, corrupt men to stand beside them. I really enjoyed the photos from International Women’s Day and Emma Thompson’s recent visit to Liberia. The two accounts really spell out what’s going on in here better than I ever could.

Girls at Ricks Institute hanging out at recess.

What Liberia Needs is You

Many people ask what they can do to help the situation here and I LOVE that you feel so engaged. Liberia really needs hustlers. There’s a lazy way of life here. People take too long to do anything, make money only for themselves, and few try to make an impact on Liberia as a whole with their actions. There is so much “Liberia for self” going on that even the NGOs are money makers. My professor just alerted me that the Carter Center has said their job is done in Liberia, so they’re ready to ship back to Atlanta. Liberia is far from better right now and there is always work to be done. With all the world’s crises, it’s been easy to forget about all the other people in need, but I’m glad there are like-minded people like you who still need ways to help.

Desmond is having an international college fair at city hall from June 20-24. We need schools present! Please send me an email if you have questions on how you can contribute. itsarchel@gmail.com

I am starting a summer reading program as my birthday present to myself at the end of May. I need children’s books, coloring books, crayons, etc. Again, email me! itsarchel@gmail.com

We are having issues with the school for which we would have referred potential teachers to work, however if teaching here is something that may interest you, please email me! itsarchel@gmail.com.

Basically, I’m risking unwanted emails in the hopes that something will call you to help the kids of Liberia. Below is the formal request for books for my summer reading program:

My beautiful home country of Liberia needs a lot of help in many different ways, but the first challenge that needs to be addressed is education. Without reading and writing skills, our children cannot hold positions to run our country in the future. 14 years of civil war has ruined our once thriving educational system, and we can take very simple steps to make it better. I believe the first step in recovery would be to have books the children can read.

When I was little, I had every book in the world. At least it felt that way. I was able to read and escape to different worlds, learn life lessons, and relate to fictional children my age through words and pictures. Nancy Drew made me want to be a detective, and the Babysitter’s Club made me excited to get my first job watching neighborhood children. I wanted to be something, and I could articulate what I wanted to be because I had access to a vocabulary I could use limitlessly.

As communications is my job in the Mayor of Monrovia’s Office, I would like to initiate a summer reading program at an orphanage my mother supports. The problem is, I haven’t got any books to do so with. I’ve not seen anything sturdier than a Newsweek magazine or more children focused than a cereal box in Liberia. Even if I did find a children’s book, I’m certain the majority of children couldn’t afford to purchase one. I want to teach kids to read, and I think everyone should have the chance to enjoy children’s literature.

Someone in the Liberian Orphan Education Project shared with me a story of their visit to this particular orphanage. A group of girls were sitting together on the ground with one sheet from a coloring book and one piece of a red crayon between them. The girls would take turns shading a part of the picture, and then passing the red shaving and paper to the next girl and so on and so forth until the picture was all colored in. I always had a favorite color in the crayon box. And when the crayon would break, I would simply throw it away and get a new one. My coloring books had tons of colors. I could never choose which page was my favorite to start with! I know that because I had coloring books, crayons, and reading books my mind had no bounds. Please help me expand the creativity of a young Liberian child. The orphans could be the next rebel leaders and armed robbers, but a small intervention could make them the democratically elected president that influences other countries to seek better for their children. Here is the change we wish to see in the world.

Kids at Ricks Institute at recess

This weekend I perform "Still I Rise" by Maya Angelou for an UNMIL (United Nations Mission in Liberia) women's concert. I don't really know how I ended up doing this, but look forward to updates on women and fashion!

Liberian Living: The Bare Necessities

2011-02-27T04:51:00.000-08:00

It would be wrong for me to continue to use the internet at Rozi's and not explain why I cannot get enough of this restaurant. Allow my pictures to do the talking.

The bottom line is I've been sitting at her buffet brunch all day. I eat a typical Liberian breakfast of casava (or yucca for South American readers) and fish gravy, type a little bit, get back in line for potato greens, type a little more, and finish with the world famous lemon tarts. Watch out for the croissants, they're better than the ones I had in France! Thank Rozi's on Airfield Shortcut in Sinkor for my illustrated posts.

No hangovers in Liberia:
This is a soursop plant. If you do a little research you will find that this member of the pawpaw family grows where it's hot and tropical, including Liberia. What you won't find out without asking around is that it is an amazing hangover cure. The fruit itself tastes like a tropical Starburst candy without the artificial sugar. A friend of mine explained how he drank liquor in excess, ate some of this fruit in the same evening, and woke up the next day prepared to take on the world again. Earlier in 2010, Time Magazine released an article on the hangover benefits of coconut water. If you refer to my first post in Liberia, you can see why there are too many options of relief for anyone to get sick due to too much alcohol in this country.

For the literary minds:
I love reading about Liberia when I cannot be here. If someone's coming in April however I hold your foot, you must bring me a copy of And Still Peace Did Not Come: A Memoir of Reconciliation by Agnes Kamara- Umunna and Emily Holland. It's available for pre-order right now on Amazon.com. All I've had to feed me is this excerpt, and indeed I want more.

What I want to say is this: For too long, my country, my Liberia, was a difficult place to love. The war came and took everything that was good and loving and peaceful. People grew older and older and still peace did not come. But it's different now. The sorrow is subsiding, and individuals are making peace with the past. A woman is president. Children go to school wearing pressed uniforms, satchels on their heads. "Did you finish your homework?" their mommies call after them, steadying their own buckets of water and bundles of wood. After school, boys shoo cows from the fields to make room for soccer matches. Girls skip rope under trees that look like elephant legs. They are not oblivious to what came before. Still, most of the time they are doing what children should be doing, and that is progress.

Now for those of you with middle school aged kids, I think it would be cool for them to read Mamba Point by Kurtis Scaletta. It's a coming of age novel about a 12-yr old boy whose father works for the US Embassy in Liberia during the 1980s. I've not been able to read it for myself, but I'm thirsty for reviews! It must be a nice way to get your 8th graders familiar with my home, pre-war.

Translations:
'I hold your foot' : I beg you; a very strong way to say please (pronounced ah-hole-ya-foot in Liberian English)
Bonus translation
'You got best' : I'm at fault; I'm sorry (pronounced you-gah-bes in Liberian English)
I had to learn the last one while I was here. Someone told me "you got best" and I didn't even know how to respond! Clearly I'm learning and observing everyday! Add these to your Liberian dictionary and use as needed!

In my backyard:
I got my first taste of a pawpaw this week. I was so excited! Then I tasted it and decided I like it better in the pawpaw pies Rozi makes at her restaurant. It needs sugar. The houseboy says my grandmother used to squeeze a lime on top of the fruit before eating it. The texture of the pawpaw is soft like a banana though it looks similar to a melon. It slices very easily with a knife. Plain and hot like it was, it left a lot to be desired, but what grows from your backyard?? I'm still waiting for my plums!!

Cut it when it's green and yellow like this. Compare to my previous post when the pawpaw was completely green.

Scoop out the seeds and you can eat it easily with a spoon.

The elements of a luxurious bucket bath:
Fact of the matter is that most Liberians do not have running water in their homes. Sure, foreigners and many of the Liberian elite class can take showers, but as I showed you in the last blog post most Liberians make do with water pumped right from the ground. Below I've included a step by step guide on how to take the most luxurious bucket bath of your life.

You will need:
A bucket. This is indeed what it sounds like. You will use water from the bucket to bathe. You also need a small cup with the handle. Both of these are easily found in the streets of Waterside (Waterside is like an outdoor Walmart in Monrovia. Whatever you need they've got it).

And I don't know why they use this tye dye pattern on all the buckets, but it's pretty typical.
You also need the houseboy to fill the large drum of water.

For sanitation, use an antiseptic like dettol.

How to do it:
Have the houseboy boil a pot full of water for you. Pour that into the larger tye dye bucket. Fill the rest with cool water from the large drum. Use the smaller tye dye cup to dip water from the drum into your larger tye dye bucket. We encourage practicality.

Pour two cap fulls of Dettol into your warm water mixture. Now we're sanitary.

I hope you're adult enough to know how to bathe when the water is in front of you. If ever I have to take a bucket bath, which happens sometimes, I put the bucket in the bathtub. If you drive through Monrovia however, you can see lower income families bathing children in the dust by their house so the water can runoff. TIP: Don't put your soap in the large bucket because that is your rinse water. That would be counter-productive. As you need to wet your body, dip the small tye dye cup into the larger tye dye bucket and pour as needed.

Bucket bathing is indeed an experience, and you've got to work to be clean. Nothing beats a cold shower in hot Liberia, but it's always nice to understand how the other 90% lives and bathes.

On a tougher note:
Each time I've been to a foreign-owned restaurant, I've seen a young Liberian girl dining with and doting on an older foreign man. The prostitution in Liberia is too plentiful, and it makes me so ashamed. The girls are no older than my baby sisters, and they prostitute for school fees and as a means to sustain themselves. My boyfriend saw a young girl with barrettes in her hair dining with the father of her newborn child. I would really like to encourage everyone to refer to my mom's news package here and really try to make a proper education within reach for our young women. If we don't invest in our people, we will raise a country full of houseboys and drivers.

Truth be told, I'm not too convinced about the quality of education the children are receiving here anyway. Baby Archel, the daughter of my father's employee, is supposed to be reading now, but she hardly knows how to speak proper English. Her mother doesn't help her read but I don't believe she knows how to read well herself. Even if she did, I haven't been able to find any children's books to read with her. The education gap is so large between Liberian children and children in the states that I wonder if these kids ever be able to lead their own country. Think about how many reading and coloring books you had as a child. Baby Archel has none at all. As I make my living talking and writing, baby Archel gets nervous when people ask her questions and cannot open her mouth to speak audibly when asked a question. This all comes full circle. Will she be able to demand a fair salary for whatever work she decides to do in the future? Will her school equip her to properly fill out a job application? Can Liberia train leaders with this educational structure, or are the young girls in restaurants prostituting for school that cannot properly advance them?

I've got a short Liberian wish list. If you come or know of anyone making their way here, I beg you to please send children's books. I will soon be starting to read to baby Archel and other Kindergartners of Monrovia as I try to help my people catch up. Even one book will help a child develop proper phonetic skills. I will see to that personally.

Love and kisses to all of you from across the Atlantic Ocean. I will be going out with the Carter Center Liberia mid-March! It's not a paid job (yes I'm still looking for one), but I'm still trying to hold NGO's accountable for their work here.

Liberian Living: The Odds and Beginnings of Things

2011-02-22T07:50:00.000-08:00

I was walking down Tubman Blvd in Sinkor and ran across the most beautiful flower garden. I had to stop and take pictures. If you live in Atlanta, a flower garden in Sinkor is like a park by Lenox Mall. Sure, you can put one there, but it would be an out of place delight.

This is Ben of the Coop-Ben Flower Garden. Cooper is his brother. Ben is most proud of the orchids they grow. He explained that 20 different species of orchids grow in Liberia. Ben was excited to show off all he knew about the nursery. Unfortunately there weren't any roses for Valentine's Day, but he makes friends in hopes that they will bring him seeds he can cultivate. In the above photo, Ben is in front of the palava hut. A palava hut is defined as a meeting place where people discuss and resolve issues out of the court system. It is a place where people can talk all the news, and more loosely gossip. Palava = informative talk in simple terms.

This is ben and his passion flower, he says.

Please don't tell Desmond that I posted a picture of him pumping water from a well, but I wanted you to see how people get fresh water if they don't have indoor plumbing. I still don't advise you to drink it, or even use it to brush your teeth initially, but for bathing and washing clothes, you have to pump from the community well. Often times, you can see a lot of children pumping the water in pails to take home. This is a reality for most Liberians, but also many people around the world. Now I'm very uppity and have pumped water for the arm workout it provides once or twice, but fortunately water runs in my house in the daytime, and the houseboy brings the well water before he goes to school in case I need it. *Remember the term houseboy from last week.

Being the media enthusiast that I am, I found this news board across from Coop-Ben's Flower Garden in Sinkor. Whoever is in charge of updating it does so everyday, and the people read it as they pass by. The news on this chalkboard is less sensational than the newspaper, and people are eager to get the headlines for free with this method.

You will see the phrase "catching hard times" on this post. That is a common Liberian phrase that means exactly as it says. Add it to your Liberian dictionary and use accordingly. Can't pay bills this month? Tell your landlord you're "catching hard times." School got you down? Yes, you are also "catching hard times."

On a more serious note:

The hardest part about being in Liberia is seeing the foreign influence that isn't exactly foreign aid. It seems like the best get-rich-quick scheme of this day and country is to start a non profit, non governmental organization with great proposals and would-be plans for a better Liberia. All I know is that peace and rebuilding is turning into a profitable industry in a country where a little money could go very far.

I first visited the CARE Office in Liberia to see what they were up to. I was optimistic because this NGO is headquartered in Atlanta and the CEO recently received an award from Georgia Tech for her international work, etc. Basically my findings for CARE Liberia are as follows:

I spoke with one man about the ongoing projects in Liberia. He said there is an ongoing project on water and sanitation that gains a lot of funding from the Howard Buffet Foundation. Most of CARE Liberia's other projects are centered around food and income security, gaining funding from the European Union. The representative also said that they try to solicit funds from USAID, but currently that money is still pending approval. This representative was educated in the Ivory Coast, which I was delighted to discover and asked about the efforts for Ivory Coast refugees. He said CARE has a global emergency coordination team, and they are currently in Nimba County, Liberia where they have reached 20-30 000 refugees at last count, and are distributing non food items like tents, blankets and buckets.

My fair assessment of our conversation is that nothing is really going on in Liberia, through this office at least. Understand that "ongoing project" means "whenever we feel like working on it" in Liberia, so there isn't much water being purified. The representative couldn't tell me exactly what they were working on at the present time. There was a lot of explanation of what they do at CARE, and less of what gets done in Liberia, if you understand what I'm saying.

Take for example the Ivorian refugees. There is a French speaking, Ivorian educated man right in Monrovia doing nothing at CARE, and he's not in Nimba County trying to assist with aid. He doesn't even know how many people they are helping. 10 000 is a large window of error in a country that should house first responders to crisis in the Ivory Coast. How many blankets do they have to hand out? Have they run out yet? These are more accurate ways to keep count of the activity. Truly, the emergency team is probably distributing materials to Liberians who want tents because they can't tell the difference between who has fled here with nothing from the Ivory Coast and who is a Liberian citizen in poverty. Many of the tribes are the same between the two countries, so a foreign responder probably cannot distinguish one African from the rest.

Disappointed, I visited the Carter Center in Mamba Point to find the same "whole lotta nothing" being done. The documents they gave me on the Liberian programs were outdated, and no one could tell me exactly what they do to help Liberians from day to day. I don't want to be unfair and say the Carter Center is an idle space as well, as they gave me the information for their project coordinator in hopes that I can really chat with him and maybe even go out on a task. As for now, I'm just unimpressed. I am writing a more in depth assessment of these findings, so let me know if you're interested in reading them. Even the UN, I'm convinced, is somewhat a scam, and I am by no means an extremist. I would just like to see Liberia become rich again, rather than people becoming rich off our need.

As I left the Carter Center, we drove along the most beautiful part of Mamba Point. The beach and water was perfect for a resort vacation. It was just covered in sewage. The smell of trash just hit you and blew with the ocean breeze. Then I saw a little girl drinking from a cup beside her mud home, and I didn't even want to think of where her drinking water came from. As we came back inland my uncle pointed at a gutted, looted, shell of a once beautiful home and said "there's your Godma Cheryl's house." I can picture her playing in that ocean when she was little... before it was a sewer. How unfortunate. All the things Liberians can have, stripped from war and sunk in poverty.

If NGO's spent less money on administrative costs and salaries, they could really fix that beautiful beach I saw today. I don't like to post ugly pictures of Liberia, so I didn't take any. A beach should never be a landfill and a non profit organization should be beneficial to our community. Alas, what should be and what is are two different things.

My next post will be fun, I promise. Four weeks back home has brought real life to the forefront.

Liberian Living: The Black and White of Print Media

2011-02-16T05:52:00.000-08:00

Anyone who has read a Liberian newspaper is reminded immediately of an American tabloid from the grocery store checkout line. Large pictures draw attention to the often sensationalized headlines, and a reader cannot be sure what's fact and what's opinion when they read any content on the inside. The problems with accessing trustworthy news are plentiful because the root of the problem itself runs so deep.

First, newspapers are sold in traffic in the early morning. Kids walk between cars on the already congested Tubman Blvd to sell a newspaper for about 35LD (about 50cents USD). Picture yourself driving down the street and a large headline reads "I will run again" under a picture of former President Charles Taylor. You're going to want to buy that paper and see what on earth they're talking about. After you've purchased this paper, you notice the headline is simply a quote from the former footballer and current presidential candidate George Weah, but the newspaper has made a sale by pulling on your feelings, and each day every paper is in competition to earn your purchase. I buy the papers every so often because the job listings are always updated, which is convenient for an ex-patriot like myself.

I spoke about what I've seen with two Liberians I'm working on my non-governmental organization with, and we've come to several reasonings about the newspaper issue.

In the Charles Taylor era, journalists had to be picky about what they printed. The country was at war, and you didn't want to be on the wrong side of that. Fair enough.

These days, writers and editors make less than $200 a month, which isn't enough to pay any college educated journalists. It's not uncommon for a writer to only have a 9th grade education.

Last and most unfortunate, Liberians aren't reading at levels that encourage better newspaper content. The pictures and short words communicate all that a citizen may need in order to get their facts for the day. When I expressed that the CIA World Factbook lists the Liberian population as being 57.5% literate, my colleagues were surprised to say the least.

"Usually NGOs determine that number, but I've traveled extensively in Liberia and I must say most of our people are illiterate, and I mean many many more than half."

"They say 'if you want to hide it from Liberians, put it in black and white.'"

This leads to the larger problem of education. In many places, teachers aren't even high school graduates themselves. I plan to do a little digging on education before I do a formal report of it, but if you're interested in education in Liberia, click around the Liberian Orphan Education Project website. Our family friends, Beth and Emmalee, travel back and forth between Liberia and the states to train teachers and bring classroom supplies, and always pay for their trip themselves! Who knows, maybe one of the orphans they impact will reshape the newspapers I see everyday.

So what do we do for real news out here? Aljazeera is the best I've seen. If you only watch CNN, you're not hearing about most the wars being fought. Of course, BBC radio is present as well and has had great coverage on Egyptian affairs, but for local news? The bottom line is that there is much to be desired.

Being that we're right beside the Ivory Coast, you would think I would get a lot of news from that side, but you'd be mistaken. I've not met any Ivorians or been impacted by their unrest at all.

Now to my backyard:

The plums and pawpaws are developing nicely right over the house. I cannot wait for them to drop! Imagine, these are the trees in my backyard. In the states, I only had pinestraw!
I've told the houseboys that they are not allowed to eat anything that falls without checking with me first. They were eating all the pawpaws and then saying "sorry madam, they're not ripe yet." No more of that. I comin end that quick.

Translations:
plums: mangoes!! Top picture.
pawpaws: papaya!! Bottom two pictures.
drop: when fruit becomes ripe and ready to eat. sometimes it simply falls from the tree, hence 'drop'
'I comin': 'I'm about to' or as southerners say 'I'm fixin' to.' When said with more passion, it can mean 'I will.' Popular ways to use this can be 'I comin' go!' to signify that you are about to leave.
houseboys: workers of the household. In our yard, we have one who lives on the property and another one who comes in the daytime to help out. The one who lives on the property is given accomodations beside the house but still on the estate, school fees, health care as much as he should need it, and an allowance. The one that comes in the day is simply given a monthly fee. Duties may include washing dishes, cleaning, dusting, and minding the gate to the house among other things. A Liberian estate can also have a cook, a washman (for clothing), and a watchman (for security), so the duties should not overlap.

I'm waving at you from across the Atlantic!

Liberian Living: The Fresh Coconut Experience

2011-02-09T08:18:00.000-08:00

Now, I'm not usually a fan of 12 year olds with machetes, nor am I a fan of shredded coconut in the US, but I'm glad I didn't let my distaste for these things stop me from getting my hands on a fresh coconut when I took a trip to Robertsport this weekend. The boy in the picture above's name is Morris, and if I can get this video to load on this eternally slow Liberian internet, you can see how he was hacking away at the coconuts to get to the treat.

Update:: video here

For all other beach guests, he was selling one coconut for 40LD (Liberty Dollars). Since my good friend Tania is the self proclaimed president of his football (soccer) team, she requested he "dash" them for us.

Translations:
dash: free
If you ever go shopping and buy a lot of stuff, it's typical to believe you're owed something small as a dash. Think of it like they 'dash' the price off.

As of today 72LD=$1
That's right folks, no one in this country has change for a $20 bill. Trust me. It's a bit ridiculous.
Oh yes, the little boy is almost chopping his fingers off to earn about 60cents.

Anyway, this is what it looks like when he cracks the top. The coconut water inside is SO yummy. You drink it through the hole like a thermos. Unless you're kwee like me and pour it into a cup.

kwee (no one's really sure how to spell this word, so I spelled it phonetically for you): uppity; bourgeois; sometimes can mean 'American behaving.'

So once you're done drinking the water, the machete child will split the coconut in half for you to eat the meat. It taste NOTHING like shredded coconut in the baker's aisle of Kroger. It's delicious, but I can't describe what it taste like. Guess you'll have to come and try it for yourself!!

As it was taking me so long to use my acrylic nail to scrape the meat off the sides, I was finally informed that you are supposed to use the piece that came off the spout of the coconut to efficiently enjoy the fruit of the coast.

It worked a lot better that way.

Special thanks to Tania and her football team for the experience.

I've eaten barracuda fish and pepper sauce twice since I've been here. It's delish! So plump and practically boneless. The only problem is that it's a high mercury content fish, so you shouldn't eat it more than once a week, and pregnant women shouldn't eat it at all. Maybe that's why I've been sick for four days? What do you think?

Other Liberian delights:
Tides restaurant on Waterside. Post on this to come.
Rozi's NYLA Cafe off Airfield Shortcut. Get the lemon pie or chocolate cake.
Destination-liberia.com : my cousin's one stop tourism info center.

I'm waving at you across the Atlantic!!!

Girl You Be Killin Em!

2011-01-24T10:37:00.001-08:00

No Words

2011-01-16T23:42:00.000-08:00

I haven't really felt motivated to write recently.

Sometimes I think my words can't accurately communicate the ways I feel.

Overwhelmed? Yes. Blessed? Certainly. Liberated? Getting there.

I think I'm on the cusp of something great. I don't know what it is or what it will be, but man I feel it.

I graduated college and I am moving to Liberia to build my empire, yet all of this seems pale to the issues Africans continue to have as they try to transfer power through free election.

I've gotta do something more than host videos. I've got to create more than blog posts. There's a world full of people suffering to exist, and God put us here to thrive. This is my life, and I wasn't made for petty work. There's something grand over the horizon.

If God has me here, I must need it. More than that, I believe the world has readied me for its necessities as well.

I haven't been able to write because I don't have a conclusion. I don't have an ending for any of these thoughts. My mind just keeps shuffling with thoughts. I don't want to think anymore. I'm ready to just DO.

My 2010 iTunes Rotation: The Albums

2010-12-24T21:14:00.000-08:00

Because my opinion is indeed law, I've compiled the best list you could ever find to close out this year in music. I present to you, my top 10 albums. If you don't have 'em, cop 'em. If you don't like 'em, your taste is just not as spectacular.

Rather than writing a review, I figure I have enough memories for each album to let you know why I love these in this order.

10-- MIA's MAYA :: I love MIA. She's a revolution baby, and you can hear it in her sound and words. I used to run like hell on a treadmill to this CD. Most of you probably missed the release of MAYA this summer when you were too busy trying to cop Teflon Don the same week. It's cool, just know you missed more pistol music.

9-- Sade's Soldier of Love :: My mom loved the title song, I loved watching Julia dance to "Baby Father" with her fathers on her wedding day. Timeless music, still not better than Lover's Rock. When I was in Liberia I tried desperately to make a copy for my dad, a huge Sade fan. Weak ass internet, I wonder if he ever got one.

she's soo badddd

8--Rihanna's Loud :: I'm still loving this CD. The video for "What's My Name" inspired my pointy nails and desire to pick up and go to another continent. I wanna dance around in freedom. Don't ask how it's done all this for me, but Loud gave me a feeling. It's fun and feminine.

7-- Usher's Raymond v. Raymond:: The dance songs were all "my jam," and "Mars v. Venus" is number 3 on my itunes top played list. I remember just wanting a man to epitomize "Daddy's Home" for me... there are just too many reasons this CD is so super tight. Thank you for coming back URsher. "Yeah man..."

6-- B.o.B.'s The Adventures of Bobby Ray :: I fell in love with this CD after the free concert at Center Stage. And I fell in love with him maybe around the same time. His music is just so uptempo, and relatable, and I think that's what rap music is missing right now. "5th Dimension" was my favorite.

5-- The Dream's Love King:: I remember being tooooo nervous to interview The Dream at the Rose event over the summer. It happened so quickly. Bing, boom, more champagne for me please. But I've loved all three Dream albums and have the hardest time choosing a favorite. Too bad about Christina Milian, she was indeed a bad one.

er, she's so baddddddd!!!

4-- Kanye's Long Ass Title About a Fantasy:: That man Kanye is indeed a producer. The instrumentals were bananas. Then the masterpiece that was Selita Ebanks and her fall to earth. I mean there's too much to say about this album. What song didn't I love?

3-- Rick Ross's Teflon Don:: Ungh. I do indeed think this CD was better than Kanye's, simply because I have a crush on Rozay. When I saw him on the red carpet at Soul Train, I just wanted to rub his belly. I kept holding his hands like "pick me, pick me!" Anyway, production = crazy. Lots of quotable lyrics. Rick Ross is just such a boss, and yall know I love a boss man!!

2-- Erykah Badu's New Amerykah Part II (Return of the Ankh) :: The way I used to sing "Call Tyrone" when I was in third grade is the same way I sing "Get Munny" nowadays. I love her and everything about this CD. It's easy and strong. And that body was motivational in the video which might be why she dates the cream of the crop of rappers. Yes Erykah, do the damn thing.

1-- Big Boi's Sir Luscious Left Foot Son of Chico Dusty :: Hands down my number 1! The first photoshoot I ever had with Rolling Out was Big Boi, Cee Lo, and Big Gipp. Talk about a great way to experience some new amazing Atlanta music from an old favorite. The CD is so "Atlanta fast forward" to me. Like you could drop "85" with the Youngbloodz in the middle of the album and just ride out, but then there's so much new talent on there. The Jamie Foxx track made me want to do private dances in stilettos, so if you don't listen to any others, find that one! Big Boi crushed every other album this year. Period.

My boo Nicki Minaj didn't even make an honorable mention. That CD was so wack I don't know where to begin. I'm waiting for record labels to do better by their artists. Pink Friday was tragic and unfortunate.

I've got a whole mixtape list to share with you, but open your Christmas gifts. In the meantime, 'tis the season to be jammin to dope shit on my list.

World AIDS Day 2010

2010-12-01T07:50:00.000-08:00

Sex is best when it's harmless.

The Tumblr Train

2010-11-30T09:35:00.001-08:00

I've hopped on!

If you need me every second of the day, this is a quicker way to get me. It's totally me, just friskier.

Pink Pout Friday

2010-11-26T10:07:00.000-08:00

Love her or hate her, SHE'S WORKING! Here's Nicki's shade, Pink 4 Friday.

Nicki Minaj's first album, Pink Friday, came out earlier this week, and the Nicki inspired MAC lipstick can be purchased to go with it for four Friday's, starting today.

I'm not sure yet if I'm going to buy it. It was sold out today, and although I love all things pink, it looks a little chalky. Since the pro store discount isn't applicable for this special edition, I would have to pay full price to have Nicki smack. Shoutout to sis Jules for hooking me up with MAC at the pro rate, I'm now super spoiled. Ladies, please hook me up with reviews if you've got some!

Hmmm... Lil' Kim used to be a MAC spokeswoman. Let's reflect on the days when she was too busy being the Queen Bee we loved to be releasing diss tracks.

Circa 2006.

A Limited Edition Lipstick personally designed by Nicki Minaj to celebrate the release of her debut album Pink Friday. Featuring a bright, creamy pink satin formula, Nicki's shade is only available online for four Fridays starting November 26, 2010, while supplies last. Pro discount not applicable.

Well, "Put ya number 2's in the air if ya did it on 'em."

Someone cop the lipstick and lemme know what the deal is!

Things I'm Loving Right Now: Muxo Bags

2010-11-19T20:07:00.000-08:00

Camila Alves is one bad chick... and she designed the bag she's sporting in the picture. Besides being the Brazilian baby mama to Matthew McConaughey, the model keeps busy with Muxo, the handbag company she shares with her mom. The bag prices range from $200 to $2000, so it's not cheap to sport her imported leather, but you would surely make a statement!

My Cream Puff

2010-11-18T09:18:00.000-08:00

I seh! Look at this fine fine man! And I was his favorite. Of course I knew him when he was gray and balding, but look at him. Something like a legend. That's my "cream puff."

God blessed us and our blessings are too plentiful to count. I knew him and loved him much. And he loved me too.

I didn't know all of my grandparents, only my mother's folks. And I often wonder which traits I got from whom. There's so much to be said about the Bernard's and Urey's, but this grandfather of mine ... I mean just look at him and see the pride on his brows!

I hope I have his strength and humility. My grandfather was a well respected businessman and supported his family the way a man should. These days it seems men don't understand their role as the patriarch of the family. Women do it all. And I do not ever intend to slight the strength of my nana, because those who know me know that I love my nana more than air (and that's not an understatement), but when I reflect on my grandfather, I think about the type of man I would want to be with forever as well as the type of woman I should become. His principles apply for all people. I live to make my cream puff proud of who I am.

Thanks for doting on me when I was born as I'm sure only you could do, and for loving the red velvet cake I made with baking powder instead of baking soda, and for taking me to my first dance when I was little, and for sending me to see Europe, and for my first gold jewelry, and for wearing the hell out of the GT apparel when I got admitted, and for sending me letters on the world's last typewriter, and for driver's education because American schools don't mandate it, and for being so overprotective because you didn't want ANYTHING to harm us ('the Liberian ocean water is treacherous!'), and for making me feel like a Liberian princess all the days we were together, but especially the summer I went home right after the fighting finished. Thanks for being my cream puff and all the other things you could be in between.

Cheers to the men who make their granddaughters feel like they deserve the world, and try their best to give it to them. I'm one of the lucky ones.

Things I'm Loving Right Now: Friday Night Lights by J Cole

2010-11-16T17:36:00.001-08:00

I'm a mixtape girl. I don't like the music the labels choose to release. As soon as I listened to "Too Deep for the Intro" I was hooked on J Cole's art. Download it as soon as you can.

At my office we had a heated debate about which breakout rapper was better: J Cole or Wiz Khalifa. We were three against one in favor of Wiz. To me, J Cole is the better lyricist. Hands down, I want to listen to J Cole's words moreso than the weed man's Jay-Z. But as a total product, I'm more interested in Wiz. He has a signature sound, and seems more relatable as a talent. J Cole is signed to Roc Nation, which seems to be a golden ticket to a lasting career. I'm still straddling the fence on this situation.

Although J Cole is sexier, because I've never been into skinny guys, he seems to dislike weave wearing girls with acrylic nails. When I get an interview with him, I intend to get to the bottom of that. Compare the lyrical content for yourself.

J Cole -- Who Dat (not on mixtape)

vs. Wiz Khalifa -- Black and Yellow

Things I'm Loving Right Now: Ebony Magazine's Cover Fun

2010-11-16T17:12:00.000-08:00

You know how much I love old Black Hollywood. Imagine how excited I was to see the new covers Ebony did to commemorate their 65 year anniversary! These are my favs.

Taraji Henson as Diahann Carroll

Nia Long as MY INSPIRATION Dorothy Dandridge

Jurnee Smollett as Lena Horne

John Legend as Duke Ellington

Regina King as Eartha Kitt

Usher as Sammy Davis Jr

I love magazines because they freeze time. On Ebony's website you can read digital copies of all their past issues. Cover interviews include anything from a post-Tyson Robin Givens to a pre-presidential Nelson Mandela. We've come a long way as people, and Ebony's beautiful documentation makes me proud.

Comfort is a Big Word

2010-11-16T12:52:00.000-08:00

Why does every woman on the Oprah show say she got more comfortable with herself when she hit 40? The middle-aged women of the world love to make it seem like the 20s are a time of uncertainty and the 40s are truly the golden years. As you get older, you fall into your true self and then you quit wanting to save the world and just aim to save your sanity.

Well, I know a little of who I am, and I hope I'm always going to be a wild child.Part of wanting to be a public figure is being comfortable sharing my wild childness with you and hoping that you like her. Maybe Queen O and her guests are right. I guess I have to turn 40 in order to know what being 40's like, but me and my botox will take that next 40 like I'm doing this first 40... for every ounce that it's worth and in amazing shoes.

I feel blessed for every opportunity I'm given and every person in my life. Comfortable? Nah. I can't be comfortable until I'm where I want to be (of which I still don't know the location). When I am 40 however, I hope I'm not comfortable then either. I guess here's where we draw the line distinguishing 'comfortable with oneself' from 'comfortable with one's life.' I always thought they went together.

Whoopi Goldberg told Oprah she took the job at The View because no one was hiring her for movies. This seems crazy when you consider that she was at one point the highest paid actress in Hollywood. At age 52, when jobs aren't coming in, it's a no-brainer. You put comfort to the side and replace it with hunger. You reinvent yourself. You use your talents and seek opportunity. Most important, you run from the word 'comfortable.' Maybe Whoopi knows who she is at this point, but I bet she didn't know this would be what she would be doing. Not a bad gig at all, and I bet you comfort wouldn't have gotten her there.

Comfort scares me. I believe in evolution.

Love and Luck in Work

2010-11-16T10:54:00.000-08:00

File this away in my passion corner. I think they call this venting.

I always take an extra 30 mins to get out of bed. I just need my sleep. As I wake, I'm planning my nap and meals for the day. Rarely do I ask myself 'what are you going to do to make this day count?'

Sure, I work damn hard to ensure that Plan A comes to fruition. I put in my hours at Rolling Out, and then put in my midnight hours at a second job to make the bills disappear. There is no Plan B. My dreams have to take off so I can live the fabulous life like Kimora Lee, and have the cultural influence of Oprah Winfrey, and have the quotable phrases like Coco Chanel, the totable babies like Angelina Jolie, and the arm candy boyfriends like Kim Kardashian.

But I'm only seeing the bread. I've got to learn to really mill the wheat in the fields before I can live the life of peace and prosperity meant for Archel Bernard.

You really don't get the life I want to live by falling in love with men. You fall in love with the vision and chase that bitch til it chases you.

I've learned the chase is overlooked. The effort that goes into the chase is sometimes mundane, and we've got to toil over those mountains. But the thing about the mountains is they don't disappear; the way I climb them shifts.

I was out on the purple carpet for the Soul Train Awards doing interviews, and I was out there in the cold in a little red dress. Chrisette Michelle comes up to me and rubs my arm to note my goosebumps. Yep, I was freezing out there. I talked to 40 or so celebrities and wannabe celebrities about superficial red carpet things in order to get my assignment done. Every now and again, however, my mind would wander to what life will be like when publicists beg me to book their artists on my show in my warm set. It's challenging to want. My dreams feel like teasers. I want to be there already, wherever there is.

Here's an image of me after the awards (clearly a cell phone pic). I tried to crop the boobs out, as my mom reads my blog periodically and hates to always be bombarded with titty, but I could only do so much. Shout out to Ulta for a $45, hour and a half wash and curl.

And then I realize this is all a warm up. That God doesn't place me anywhere to suffer. Only to thrive. I'm up next at bat, and up to bat again and again until His will is found and the universe is pleased.

I recently went to New York to visit my little brother as he tries to conquer the music world. Sidenote: the Bernard last name means 'dynasty' in many languages. As he showed me his apartment in Brooklyn's Crown Heights, I could feel the hunger for more than a fire escape that only seats one, as much as I could feel the pleasure with his grind. These days we're experiencing right now are good days. We're making great steps every hour. The steps are small, and most go unnoticed, but they stand as building blocks to help us acquire the payoff that's meant for us at the end when the fire escape becomes a patio overlooking the Mediterranean.

I don't envy anyone's happiness. I don't know what it took for them to reach their state. I know that I'm climbing away for mine. What AM I doing to make each day count? How can I be more quotable, or more fabulous? How can I draw this plush lifestyle? Such complex questions with such easy answers. I love this work. I love that I'm setting myself up to hit a homerun. I love that all the mountains are unclaimed gifts waiting for me and only me. When you work hard, you'll find out that you're really lucky. I'll simply be the luckiest talent I can be.

Are you happy now, baby? I am.
And the best is yet to come.

A little Miley for your day... PUSH PLAY! Every word captures the mood I'm in.

The Cleopatra Effect

2010-11-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

"Only one image of Cleopatra survives—a barely visible profile on a coin— but we have numerous written descriptions. She had a long thin face and a somewhat pointed nose; her dominant features were her wonderfully large eyes. Her seductive power, however, did not lie in her looks—indeed many among the women of Alexandria were considered more beautiful than she. What she did have above all other women was the ability to distract a man. In reality, Cleopatra was physically unexceptional and had no political power, yet both Caesar and Antony, brave and clever men, saw none of this. What they saw was a woman who constantly transformed herself be- fore their eyes, a one-woman spectacle. Her dress and makeup changed from day to day, but always gave her a heightened, goddess-like appearance."
-The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

I've got a thing for the women who draw men toward them like flies to light, because it never seems to be because they are so intensely beautiful. Women fail to realize that charm and mystery are more hypnotizing than a pretty face. While men are indeed visual beings, their desire for the chase overwhelms their desire for arm candy. Pretty women are plentiful, but a woman who owns her charm is indeed a rare commodity.

I picture Cleopatra as this bangin' bodied red bone woman (only because I'm red-boned). Full lips, blunt cut bangs one day, sick weave the next, Indian hair only. I literally picture a young Iman from "Remember the Time." I see her king trying to rule an empire but working hard to try and entertain her so she doesn't leave his side. Without Cleopatra, all the land of the world would have no meaning, all because she was just that chick. She's got this mentality that floats from Greece to Australia, while her man's just trying to keep up with Rome. Cleopatra doesn't need a companion, but because she is that extraordinary she maintains a loyal following of men in awe of her actions. Could a blank-minded, attractive woman ruin empires? Probably not. Why allow society to create boundaries for you, when freedom and personal evolution can grant you such power?

Law 25 -- Re-create Yourself:: Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.

Guesswork is the winning formula in everything. The Cowboys are using the same game plays, and the competition can defeat them because of their predictability. We cannot be standout women if people can anticipate our next steps. If you show people your spades, they will find a way to trump you.

Apply the Cleopatra effect in your life. You may surprise yourself.

Wet Wednesday

2010-11-03T10:34:00.001-07:00

It's raining. I'd rather drip with gold.

If I make a million, I'll live in a studio, just so I can spend 750 on things that sparkle in the light.

Crucial Knockoffs!!

2010-10-28T13:18:00.001-07:00

Yall remember these:

I've talked about these $3000 Swarovski Crystal encrusted Gianmarco Lorenzi pumps for about a year now. My spine tingles each time I see them. Now you can cop a hot knockoff. Thank me later.

One of my favorite blogs, 2bitchezdeep, put me on these $275 replicas with the same structure.They dropped the crystals and added the glitter, making these bad boys a bit more affordable for the Georgia Tech student who has experienced the new tuition increase. #badbitches go cop em please!

Angela, let me hold Fever's "Tiff" pump in black please!!

Monogamous Equations

2010-10-27T23:05:00.000-07:00

"I don't think it's the nature of any man to be monogamous. Men are propelled by genetically ordained impulses over which they have no control to distribute their seed."
--Marlon Brando

See. This is why I cannot date. Men just want to have a lot of sex with no commitment, and I'm only game for half of that equation.

I'd rather make the same person eggs every morning for the rest of forever, than have to learn a new technique every week. I don't see the appeal anymore.

No. 33 Rule of a Gentleman

2010-10-26T22:32:00.000-07:00

By now you know I love lists. I think this tidbit is great for all people, not just gentlemen.

I wonder what type of girlfriend I will be next time around. Women like me think they know it all, and love to pipe up when they can offer a little expertise. But time and place are key in relationships of all kinds, and correction is a certain pride killer when not approached with care. This is something I'm working on as I get older.

We should never be so proud of what we know that others are too closed off to learn it as well.

Food for thought.

What Blood Diamonds?

2010-10-26T13:18:00.000-07:00

I love Naomi Campbell. I love her Russian boyfriend. And sue me, I love her in fur, pumping gas with no shirt on for Dennis Basso's collection of $30000- $60000 coats.

Random things I could do half naked in a fur coat:

Deliver on a paper route by bike
Deliver food. Something greasy like a pizza or Chinese
Housework, Desperate Housewives style
Move out of my apartment
Cook spinach
Go to my science lab and examine rocks
Choose fruit at a farmer's market
Paint a room
Remove wallpaper
Have sex
Roll weed
Play baseball

Many of these things I wouldn't even do regularly, but a fur coat and nothing else?!? Gotta break some rules there!

“I never diet. I smoke. I drink now and then. I never work out. I work very hard, and I am worth every cent.”
--Queen Nai

Naomi is always a reminder: Whatever you do, be the baddest one doing it.

STUPIDfly :: Jimmy Choo for Ugg

2010-10-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

I used to think of Uggs as the "lazy girl shoe." They're $200 snow boots and I never saw anyone dressed up in them. The plain ones look exactly like they sound. Ugg. Yeah I don't want to wear those.

Fine Print: Only white girls used to wear them in high school and I never understood why they were so race specific!

But then I put them on and realized it's like carrying supersoft carpet under you all day. So now I'm rethinking the Ugg strategy. And with a Jimmy Choo design to spice things up, I'm ready to cop some.

Tell me whatchu think:

I'm all about the comfy chic, but for $600 - $800, how much is comfy chic worth to you?

STUPIDdope :: Kehinde Wiley

2010-10-25T09:48:00.000-07:00

Thanks to my wonderful job at Rolling Out, I get to see a lot of really cool stuff around Atlanta. My most recent assignment at the High Museum was amazing because it put me on a hip hop painter that I'm sure to commission a painting from in about 15 years.

Kehinde Wiley is an American-born Nigerian artist whose work I am really loving right now. As a lover of fine arts, and a High Museum season ticket holder, "the Lebron James of the art world" was a truly exciting assignment to stumble on. You can catch a few of my favorites below. For more information, check out my article here.

I wonder if he paints women, however. I wouldn't mind being the first.
Until then, I can always appreciate a strong portrait of a black man.

You can be the king, but watch the queen conquer.

STUPIDfly :: Bury me in Bullets

2010-10-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

I've always wanted another way to use bullets. Maybe the war baby inside of me longs to finally mix the pain with the pleasure, because I can't get enough of the bullet jewelry I've found making headlines this year. Let me put you on game.

Akawelle :: Aka --also known as; Wel'le --love

The Akawelle Necklace was designed by a Liberian teenager named Lovetta Conto for Strongheart Fellowship. You can read about her here as told to CNN's Inside Africa. All I know is I want one for graduation. Both pieces are made of one bullet shell. The same bullets that took my country to the ground can be my worn symbol of strength.

And it's pretty cute.
Throw it on a different chain and keep it forever. Conto's also made other high fashion pieces. This is my favorite.

Then there's the BulletGirl jewelry line whose pieces are absolute showstoppers.

Conto melts the bullets into metal and shapes them into different pieces, whereas BulletGirl will have you rockin' ammunition on your wrist.

BulletGirl jewelry can range anywhere from $100 to $3000, but it's a very edgy alternative to your standard Tiffany and Co. I'd get married to a princess cut set in a bullet shell if they make the band thinner, but that's just me.

#stupidfly

Passionately yours.

If I'm fake I ain't notice cuz my money aint!

Pursue Your Passion

2010-10-06T21:58:00.000-07:00

Seems like I've been getting a lot of direction with this recently. Two artifacts have stuck in my mind most of all.

Pursue Your Passion:

Joel Osteen's Facebook Page:

“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels—a plentiful harvest of new lives”(John 12:24, NLT)

TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria

It’s good to be passionate about your dreams, but did you know a dream can actually become an idol? If it’s all you think about, and you’re not going to be happy unless it happens your way, that’s out of balance. The fact is, sometimes you have to release that dream back to the Father.

Sometimes we can get frustrated because we are trying to force things to happen on our timetable. Sometimes we hold on to things so tightly, but when we finally are willing to let them go, that’s when God can bring them to pass. If you’ll choose to release that frustration and not let it become the center of your attention, but instead, use that same time and energy to thank God that He’s directing your steps, you open the door for God to give you the desires of your heart.

We have to remember, God already knows what we want and what we need. He’s the One who put those desires in us. We shouldn’t be consumed by trying to make things happen. Instead, a greater act of faith is to be happy right where you are; to stay open and trust God because He has good plans in store for your future!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY

Father God, today I release my dreams, my desires, my “wants” like a seed falling to the ground. I know that You have a good plan for my future, and I trust You to bring it to pass in my life. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.

— Joel & Victoria Osteen

Just thought I'd share with you. I haven't been in the writing mood recently, but I'm brimming with feelings and surely will be soon.

Passionately,
Me.

Exit Stage College

2010-09-04T13:38:00.000-07:00

I was going through some faded pictures and I think the easiest way someone can gauge my changes is from the ways I've celebrated Halloween through college. As I'm graduating, and also looking for a new costume to wear this year, I thought I'd give my own little yearbook of pics. Enjoy throwback me, and encourage wholesome costumes for your daughters because they can't compete with this.
Really there's a point to all this, keep reading.

Freshman year: I was a schoolgirl. I didn't even know girls did Halloween in college until I saw them prancing about in their costumes on campus. They had these sexy costumes, meanwhile I wore stuff I put together from my closet. That Halloween was the first night I had alcohol that wasn't my mom's champagne toast for New Year's. I went to this frat where a boy I went to high school with was a pledge. Brian Tyson had to carry me out of the house because I had two jello shots and felt "weird."

Times have changed.

Sophomore year: I was an AASU snob and went to this super hot house party we had. No costume, I was social chair of the organization and was just feeling like I could come any kind of way. It was, after all, my party (lazy).

Junior year: I still thought girls made their sexy costumes, so I made an apron that said "Chef BoyarDO-ME" and wore this shaper under it. Brian drove me to this predominantly Spanish party which was kind of dull.

Brian was always a one man UN. Here I am with Soulja Girl, a boxer, and Tom Cruise from Risky Business.

My First Senior Year: I had been having car troubles all day but there was no way I was missing this Halloween. I had this amazing fake ID and had been clubbing hard all summer and fall. I had to get a Brazilian wax for this sailor costume because it was so little. We hit Velvet Room and it wasn't long before we were in someone's booth drinking Goose and Rose. I spent the night with this guy I had been talking to at that time, and I realized in his bathroom that I can't mix Goose and Rose ever, ever again.

The ATLPics show how into the club life I was. Wild.

My Second Senior Year: Don't judge me for the two and a half senior years, I was still finding myself. By this point however, the career college student thing was getting old and I had calmed down. I made my costume because I didn't want anyone else to have what I wore. I was decked out in pretty much all spandex, rhinestones on my face, and had a handy dandy whip. I called myself "your fantasy." My girls were kind of annoyed with the continual stings of my costume whip. How you think Toby felt? Of course, the only way to get me out the door at this point is with promises of VIP. We were at Life with a good friend, and that was all the partying I needed for the rest of the year.

My Last Semester: I don't know what to be! But you can visualize my transformation in college from being young, to searching for the party, to finding the party, to now leaving the party.

That's pretty much the way my time has evolved at Georgia Tech. I've learned from relationships with men, from friendships, from organizations, and faculty. I've changed my major and I've opened my mind to going after the career path I truly desire. I've opened my mouth to stand up for myself, to be who I want, and definitely to get what I want. In many ways I've shed my costumes and become confident enough to exit this stage of life, even if just to give everyone else hell as I attempt to run this media thing.

Really, how can you measure change? My hair has gotten a little longer, bank account a little bigger, focus a little more precise, shoe collection a little more stacked.

My grandparents have gotten a little sicker, my family a lot bigger, my friendships a lot closer, my weight a little up, but I've always been this bright-eyed girl looking for my piece of sweet potato pie in the sky. Am I closer to it or still a dreamer? Is anyone watching? Listening? Understanding?

If this is the end of my journalistic freshman year (as I'm coming close to the one year anniversary of sjbthewords.com) I wonder where I will be five years from now? Do you see how green I was as a freshman? The large growth I've experienced in five years gives me so much hope and excitement for what's to come. As I exit stage college, I know the Lord will let 'stage career' be just as much a blessing as the past years have been. You know I'm scared, but the beauty of faith is that I'm allowed to live in delight as He holds my problems in His capable hands.

I share those thoughts with you in hopes that you keep me in your prayers.

It's my time to be Pinky and the Brain and take over the world.

Ready for me??

And as far as this Halloween goes, ideas anyone?

The Laws of Vanity

2010-09-04T00:38:00.000-07:00

Vanity is my alter ego. She does what she wants, feels what she wants, and she's wise. Most important, she is her own top priority. I've read a lot of books with tidbits that people can learn from to advance their ways of thinking. In a perfect world, people would understand Vanity's thoughts as the most peaceful ways of the feminine mind. Enjoy, my never complete list of the Laws of Vanity (L.O.V.E. --the E doesn't stand for anything but it's my list to title how I feel). This isn't a list of the best stuff I've said in the blog. They're just random summaries I reach when I get to the heart of the matter. Who knows, this could be the blueprint for my book somewhere down the line. Or they could just be tweets I never want to forget. Either way, indulge me and let me know which are your favorite. By me, for you.

A real man knows a woman is a top investment and reflection of his principles, morals and goals. And being a real man and a grown man are two different things. Real men understand what im saying, grown men might not.

Loyalty is Chief. It's the only currency we accept.

Some men are just bullshitters. They can't help it. Been that way too long to change.

Clothes are so much better on the floor.

Love isn't what hurts, its that other shit that comes with it when people don't fully believe in its power.

Never throw away a black dress. I guarantee you'll find another way to wear it.

When you live LOVE you don't have to find it.

When loyalty runs through your veins, expect to be disappointed. It's not a common chromosome.

Leave EVERYONE missing you. An overstayed welcome is your own blues.

There's no shame in drinking water in a wine glass. It's the effortlessly chic life that separates you from the fake.

Shamelessly let the most expensive meal a man eats be pussy.

People say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I think the best way is just to get inside yourself.

When you shake someone you never thought you would, you truly see how magnificent thoughts are. They can hold you captive AND set you free.

meet the original vixens who bear the same name. eh, when the lead decided she wanted to do gospel music, the name became up for me to grab. they were the first lingerie dancers. =)

Kiss My Clean Mouth

2010-09-02T22:26:00.000-07:00

Like Rick Ross says, "she talk dirty, but her mouth clean." Honestly I'm not really sure what that means. And if it means what I think it means, then I don't understand the appeal...

I've been working on being a better, classier me. Step one is simply eliminating the curse words from my vocabulary.

I've started with the word fuck.

Welp, I just said it. Man it felt good.

But really, I use curse words when I'm not able to articulate anything any other way. Think about how often I say something is "fucked up." Well, why is it that way? Is it a disaster? Is it a loss? Is it really so awful? It doesn't matter, because the word is so powerful that it takes away a bit of my intelligence and class.

But some stuff is really fucked up.

Can I use synonyms for "fucked up?" Can it be "sexed up?" Like, "that grade I got in class was really sexed up."

Yeah see, I like my vice a lot more.

I go braless in public. I walk outside barefoot. I wear leggings as if they're real pants. I leave my dishes in the sink. I act like I don't see homeless people on the streets so they won't ask me for money. I'm bipolar when I'm under the influence. I'm kind of a crazy young thing. And I'm choosing to start correcting myself right here, by censoring my language use, when all I want to do is freely express my thoughts.

That's sexed up.

What's feminine about a woman that talks like a beer drinking man with a pot belly? You think a host will get hired if she slips up and calls Julia Roberts her main "bitch" in Pretty Woman? How awkward is it to have Sunday dinner with my mom and she keeps hitting me while I'm mid-casual conversation? These are all reasons I've got to clean up my mouth.

By now you know that I like to kind of read a lot of books. I just open what I need, when I need it. Today, I've got Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and I wanted to share a piece with you.

"Begin with the end in mind" is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There's a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.

Take the construction of a home for example. You create it in every detail before you ever hammer the first nail into place. You try to get a very clear sense of what kind of house you want... You work with your mind until you get a clear image of what you want to build. Then you reduce it to blueprint and develop construction plans. All of this is done before the earth is even touched.

If we do not develop our own self-awareness and become responsible for first creations, we empower circumstances outside our Circle of Influence to shape much of our lives by default.

Here's the thing: I have a goal to become a relatable, real, and relevant television host. I want to be respected. I have to create my blueprint for success now, so others cannot pick my weaknesses apart later. I have a reputation to build and an air of class to maintain and progress. I can't let a little "fuck" eat away at my sweet potato pie in the sky.

So now I don't talk dirty, and my mouth is clean. Sorry Rozay.

P.S. There's good shit in this book. Good stuff. There's good stuff in the Stephen Covey novel. Yes. Good stuff.

I wanted to leave you with a clean mouth of mine for you to kiss, but then I realize I have a million different pics of me with this pucker pose. So I didn't even use one at the beginning. Too overwhelming to choose. I'm sure at the time I took the kiss photos, they weren't as corny as they all are here in collection. Would you believe me if I told you I have about twenty more kiss face pics? And that's not even including the ones with my sisters. What can I say? I'm a kisser! Pick one and kiss it.

The Price of Loyalty

2010-09-02T11:41:00.000-07:00

TI and Tiny were arrested today. Details here, but in summary, the cops smelled the kush, then found the pills, and the rest met me on CNN this morning.

Her blonde weave looks STUPIDfly here I may add.

The whole situation makes me throw their year into review, and question how much thick and thin a lady should experience. Let's reflect.

In the winter, there was his jail time. Black folks were screaming "Free TI," but he served less than a year for something that should have guaranteed him Meech-time behind bars.
In the spring and summer, we stayed tuned to the Tiny and Toya show, no matter how boring it all got. And when TI became a free man, he bought Tiny out of her BET contract to essentially end our viewing pleasure.
At the end of the summer, the couple's big wedding day came and went with like zero pics. The cutest thing that came out of it was her cameo in his newest music video.

TI and Tiny always seemed so devoted to each other. Many people feel TI could find someone more attractive. I can't speak on that. As they both go to jail, you gotta see the loyalty involved with being together. I see her as a true rider for him. Sure, Tiny's spending the money that comes along with TI's $110K appearance fees. She's also raising their kids, and constantly defending her relationship with him. It also has to kill her that she's not living her dream by singing anymore. And then there's the little fact that TI can't seem to stay out of legal trouble. This time he did it with his wife in the passenger side. Truly, where's she gonna be when she posts bond? Checking on her boo, right by his side, because given his past legal history he probably isn't getting out with a simple slap on the wrist.

How many women do you know who would be that loyal to a man? Some women have no problem kissing ass for checks, but I think Tiny's loyalty runs deeper than sponsorship. If it were just about the money, do you think she would still be there? She's still spending a lot of nights in bed alone, even though the heating bill is paid.

Can a truly loyal relationship be bought?

Was Elin disloyal to Tiger by leaving him when his reputation hit rock bottom? Did his lack of loyalty toward her give her the freedom to leave his side? Was Tiger truly disloyal when he cheated as long as he was bringing those checks back to his family? I don't believe Elin didn't know about any affairs before the golf club incident. Do you think her attachment to the sweet life bought loyalty 'til the shit hit the fans? What about Kobe, and Vanessa's beautiful, post- Colorado diamond? How's that for purchased loyalty?

How much does a woman get to put up with before she opts out of being the loyal wife/ girlfriend/ friend?

Or how much does a ride or die chick run for these days?

I have so many questions and very few answers.

So I turn to rap music. I ask the Lox to guide me.

Jokes aside, loyalty is dominated by motives. What you choose to be loyal to is what's going to drive you and your relationships. If the money is the motive, then your relationships will be fake. You will pay for a life that depreciates everyday. But if you're looking for something durable, something faithful and secure, you are what you attract. An ardent love never fails to deliver. That's why some relationships last and others don't. No one's scared Tiny's going to leave Tip. That's the beauty of loyal relationships. They work through the inevitable kinks of life.

Good luck to TI. I just played "Don't You Wanna Be High" on accident and got a little sentimental.

STUPIDfly:: Cokebags

2010-09-02T09:54:00.000-07:00

I think girls are getting lazy.

We see pretty girls on the street all the time, but for whatever reason we feel like we can just be this way without effort. Chances are, you're not that fancy. And the Drake definition of fancy is the minimum a woman should be doing just to be excited with herself. I mean I hope you get your hair and nails done. You could just do them yourself though. Either way, it's just called maintenance.

I miss the frills of being a girl. Give me a pouffe skirt. Bedazzle everything. More clevage, more leg, more booty. pink Pink PINK! Either way women, step your cookies up! Here's a little something I think is STUPIDfly to get you excited about the extra involved with being a girl.

These are Bev Gloves. Really, really unnecessary, but look how cute and girly.
Bring the sexy back to what you do ladies. Please remember that Eve's femininity is what got us all here today. Since then our hips have ruined empires and ended wars. Our entire potential is limitless. Beauty and brains, watch the queen conquer.

Law 5: So Much Depends on Reputation. Guard it with Your Life.

2010-08-31T11:06:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in forever, but a recent conversation caused me to look toward my favorite behavioral guide once again.

Law 5 :: So Much Depends on Reputation. Guard it With Your Life :: Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once you slip, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.

My mom always emphasized the importance of being a lady. She cringes when she reads my blog more often than not. What can I say? I keep my legs closed, my fingers tapping, and my mouth yapping. My words are my friskiness. My twitter, however, could be my demise.

Recently I read an excerpt from David Blasberg's new book Classy. He describes that one of the best things about class is that no matter how much you slip, you can always regain your footing. Blasberg uses Drew Barrymore and Angelina Jolie as examples. These women were crazy, but when they were ready to shape up, the world accepted their current drive and beauty as their reputations. I like Nicole Richie. Sometimes you have to wild out to shape up. I believe your former title only pales in weight beside what you currently do.

My supervisor asked me what I ultimately wanted to be known for professionally. I'm still uncertain, really. I want to be this amazing television host who was known for being real, relatable, and relevant. The question is, do you see that in me now? Do you think you could take me seriously as I report on gun crises in urban areas? Would you only tune in to hear me chat with sex experts? The question with reputation remains, are you building the picture you want people to remember?

If not, there's always time.

The beauty of life is that as long as you have it, you can always live it. You can always build with time, and you can steadily shape and protect your reputation. Even if you don't see me right now as the host I believe I will be, you'll turn eventually.

Things I'm Loving Right Now: Young Liberian Entrepreneurship

2010-08-31T09:18:00.001-07:00

I know I'm doing my thing, and there are a few others that I wanted to share with you. Pass the word, there is indeed hope for Liberia as long as these people exhibit such energizing fire.

James K Holder II -- You knew I had to shout him out.

My dear friend is making waves in Atlanta after having raised $10,000 for Haitian relief. With a new studio on the way and large nods from Georgia Tech and the Atlanta NBC affiliate station, who else could you possibly want to take your picture? When you support your friends, sometimes you CAN get good service. Check out the DIME Squad below and judge for yourself.

DIME Squaaddddd. We up thru there!

Now book a shoot.

Arch Bernard Jr. -- Yep we come from the same parents.

My baby brother and his love affair with metal music landed him a position at a label within Warner Music Group where he can socially network for musicians who scream over music. When we were in college my goal was getting to the money. He always told our mom that he was into doing work that he loved. Staying true to his dreams and beliefs still allow him the opportunity to be fulfilled. The money will come and the job will reward in many more ways also.
My bro in his element. Leave it to him to make friends on the streets of NY.

Keril Sawyerr -- The cousin I'll eventually need to invest in my television network.

Keril and his associate's web business is called New Billionaires, and with the release of his new e-book Why a Year Passes and No Meaningful Progress is Made you can get a feel for his belief on positive thinking and hard work leading us into living wealthy and abundant lives. I visited the book's website and it made me question myself. "What did you accomplish last year?" it asked, and all day I kept trying to make a complete list. After reading the book, which I need a volunteer to buy for me, I know I will be able to answer this at 2010's year end.

Charlene Bendu Dunbar -- Putting African textiles in your neighborhood boutiques.

I really don't know Charlene, but I want one of EVERYTHING she's made. I've seen her stuff in shops I frequent and numerous fashion shows, and it's been refreshing to know that people want to wear a piece of Liberia. She's used her skills to bring something beautiful out of the rubble. How can you not love that?

A few of my favorite blogs by a few of my favorite Liberian girls:

Jewel Anastassia Tolbert -- Her thoughts on life, strength, and femininity make me smile. You can tell her words are completely her personality, and I always get a refreshing word to brighten my day.

Vanette Tolbert -- I'm not a model but if I were, I'd have all the startup advice I needed right here. Plus her webcasts are funny to me. Go enjoy "The V Spot."

Mattie James -- What girl doesn't love fashion? But if you don't have the time to browse the world for the hottest looks, just go to Mattie's page frequently. No really, frequently. She updates several times a day. Say 'yes' to shoes.

So much good stuff going on in the community, I couldn't resist a little shoutout! Love you all!

Trying to Paint the Perfect Self Portrait

2010-08-13T22:42:00.001-07:00

I wanna be a billionaire so freakin bad.

No. Really. And I would really like that song had it not been for the story my brother told me about Travis McCoy dissing him at Warped Tour one year. My brother handed Travis a CD of the band he was promoting at that time, and when Travis walked away he chucked it somewhere.

Well that was unnecessary.

I want to make it in this media industry, but I feel like famous people aren't supposed to reveal so much of themselves. I share so much through this thingy-bopper blog of mine, because I want you all to know and love me. I want you to pray for my success when you pray for your loved ones at night. Even if you hate me, I expect you'll still watch me because of the irresistible way I host a video or make a news story come to life. My mom is hesitant to share my url with her colleagues, and I held my breath the other day when my TA said he clicked this link from an email I sent about needing tutoring. While Criminal Minds paints one reason why cyber-living is dangerous, I need to know if my personality is going to get me into more trouble than jobs.

Am I supposed to be this personal? Maybe you shouldn't know how I feel about sex or where I am with religion. Maybe I should just play my position.

I'd just rather keep it real.

I look at all these people who are seated where I'm trying to sit, and I imagine how perfect their lives must be. They have the one thing I want. They're successful. They're being paid to do work I would probably pay someone to allow me to do.

But is the grass really greener that way? Take David Letterman for example. Sure, a certainly very successful late night host. And then it comes out that he'd been sleeping with subordinates. Who saw that coming? Haven't men learned the affairs are never the way to go? Maybe that's a subject for another post.

Is it better to paint the perfect picture of yourself the way you want it to look? For whatever reason, I think I provide an untouched digital photo: you get what's in the frame.

Travis McCoy may have hit singles and the opportunity to throw demo's on the ground, but who is he really? If I can't still be the cool Shelby/ Archel/ Vanity... I don't want the fame.

Well I want it. But maybe not so much.

Ok better example: Fantasia. We put her down for being uneducated. And a homewrecker. And super country. And then she attempts suicide. Like really, this industry should never have me so caught up in my head that I feel the only way out is through the bottom of a pill bottle. And then we still put her down. Twitter went wild with jokes about this. Hello. She almost died. All of this because of who she was.

Can I have my career the way I want it and still tell you all my secrets? Is this a "play now, pay later" issue I'm going to have to face? I'm scared, sincerely. I want you to see me as that girl you knew and could relate to, that just happened to work hard and move on up in the world. Is that so much to ask? No rehabs, no secret affairs, no hidden children. Just me, you, and the billions of dollars we're going to make. Can my appreciation for sincerity come along for the ride too? It doesn't bite. Hard. Let me know if I need to lock this all down.

My Eyes Are Watching God

2010-08-10T19:30:00.000-07:00

nirvana |nərˈvänə; nir-|
noun
: Buddhism a transcendent state in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor sense of self, and the subject is released from the effects of karma and samsara. It represents the final goal of Buddhism.
: Hinduism liberation of the soul from the effects of karma and from bodily existence.
: a state of perfect happiness; an ideal or idyllic place : Hollywood's dearest dream of small-town nirvana.

ORIGIN from Sanskrit nirvāṇa, from nirvā ‘be extinguished,’ from nis ‘out’ + vā- ‘to blow.’\

Nirvana to me: I'm looking for it, and my search has led me to my 10-day fast and prayer. I really don't see many sacrificial acts of devotion being practiced in my religion, but here I am, alarm set at 5:15 for my meal before sun-up.

Modeled after Ramadan, I am hoping to engage in intense spiritual rejuvenation as well as emerge with an open spirit about the places faith will lead me.

I have so much to pray for, and I think God chose this time for me to reflect and wait as He confirms a path for my life.

Wish me luck and prosperous reflection!

I love the way He loves me, and I love that who I am doesn't have to be who I will be forever.

Matthew 6: 16-18 on Fasting:

¹⁶"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. ¹⁷But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, ¹⁸so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

The Numbers Game (Yes I'm Talking About Sex)

2010-07-23T19:14:00.000-07:00

How many men is too many men for a woman to have slept with? I hate this subject. For women, the name of the game is the lower the better. We won’t even acknowledge the male-female double standard involved. Does oral sex count to increase the number? If you regret a partner, can you wipe him off your count list? What’s the difference between sexual liberation, experimenting to discover your body, and just being a loose woman? Do you share your number with your partner? Do you even want to know his?

As women, we play the numbers game. As grown women, we need to come up with a formula that works for us. Each time we take off our clothes to become intimate, it seems we have to consider more than simply what we want. We also have to address the moral backlash that comes with making our own decisions. Sexuality is my God-given gift, and I’m thankful for it everyday. Calves made for high heels weren’t an accident. Back dimples are an intentionally placed touch from His hand. My tig-ol-bitties are a nightmare to dress, but I've got the rest of my life to figure it out. Every part of me is meant to be loved and appreciated, by myself forever, and by someone else for as long as I care to let them.

So, how many people should I care to let? Are double digits cool? Or maybe only 5 before I turn 25? I’ll never tell. My mom reads this. And, oh yeah, I wouldn’t want you to think less of me for being comfortable in my skin. I’ve been frisky, I’ve been a prude, but now I’m taking credit for being happy loving me.

So do you tell him? Do you ask him his number? Who cares. What we need to do is make our way to the clinic and make sure we haven’t done any real damage by trying to find ourselves. Sure, there are always those partners you wish you could erase. Do it. It’s YOUR number. But make sure all your relationships-- sexual, professional, anything – were learning relationships. Kids count. Young women regret. Grown women grow. Just be smart.

My mom tried to sit all of my sisters and I down to talk about sex. Really, why? I still giggle about sex around my mom. Yes I’m 22. She’s still my mom. But if I could give my sisters any advice on playing this game, I’d say “you be you, because you’re going to have bad judgement once in a while. You’re going to learn everything you’re supposed to learn. And then you’ll add that last number and realize what all your other numbers were getting you ready for in the first place.”

And if all else fails, have sex by yourself, because that doesn’t count. HA.

Just for Kicks: How to Stay Out of Trouble on Twitter

2010-07-23T17:50:00.000-07:00

I know what all my best friends are up to, and it’s not because Big Brother is watching. There’s something to be said about this minute by minute explosion of thoughts that is TWITTER. The whole setup was made to create a little drama in people’s lives. People follow you, but you don’t have to follow them back. People can be included in dialogue with a simple @reply. And others can be spoken of with a #subliminaltweet. Communication is consistent, but the exact degree is up to each individual’s discretion.

The jig is up, I have a twitter account I was hoping to keep secret from employers and until this very post, I had done a pretty good job of that. My real handle is @kissthagun and my honesty and big mouth have earned me my fair share of drama. There’s a boy that I liked, and once he started following “Vanity (my down low twitter name)” he stopped calling. I met my last boyfriend on twitter and we broke up by unfollowing each other. More recently, I hurt a nice guy’s feelings by expressing my feelings about his drawn out phone conversations. Call me a twitter bully. I think this social network has really impacted my life.

Whoa.
A bit much? Might be. So here’s a list of harmless tweets to keep things more boring and less incriminating.

Inspirational tweets. This includes any retweets of Rev Run, Ralph Marston, and God when you feel moved to; people love a good scripture. Helps keep them from having to read the Bible themselves.

Day and time statuses. Like “Good morning! Happy Friday!”

Ego stroking tweets. “I’m putting in work. What are you doing?!”or "I grind so hard..."

Quotes by random famous people. And rap lyrics only true hip hop heads understand.

Twitpics of food you’re eating or clothes and shoes you’re buying.

Zodiac facts about your sign and how freaky and intelligent you (insert sign here) are.

Shameless publicity about parties you’re throwing or albums you’re buying.

Tweet celebs. They won’t tweet back, but still try.

Acknowledge who you’re with. Then they’ll retweet and all of a sudden you’re famous. The more the merrier.

Stay away from trending topics! This is #subliminaltweet alley!

This should keep you busy for the most part. Busy and out of trouble. As for me, I’ll just keep getting in trouble for my open book twitter page. Check me out though, I promise I’ll be fun.

Anthony Bourdain NEEDED Reservations in Liberia

2010-07-19T20:16:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations on the Travel Channel and I have to say I was impressed. After watching the Vice special where all the children were high and the war lords were plenty, it was nice to see someone go in and have a pleasant view at times. There were a few points I'd like to discuss.

Why did he have to eat everywhere? As a tourist in Liberia, no one would go to an off-the-radar village and climb the trees for oil. I've never eaten meat off the street either. Why didn't he enjoy meals at La Pointe? Or spend his evenings at the casinos? His experience was not at all what you or I would do if we took the trip to Liberia.

That was the most disorderly cultural dance I've ever seen.

He painted the perfect picture of Monrovia though. I cannot be mad at that. Hella churches, hella people, and tons of road work. That about covers it all. I wonder if he bought a scratch card off the street...

I've gotten super sick everytime I've been to Liberia. I completely understood and felt for him as he laid in agony on the surfboard. I was right at that lodge thinking yeah I can't be here right now. And that's home. I understand the realities of this fight your body will have with you as you dine in the smile of West Africa.

Hello Anthony, people swallow food when they need to eat to live, not eat to enjoy. In the immaculate words of Weezy F. Baby, "shut up bitch, swallow."

Did anyone see Jollof Rice during his stay? Tsk Tsk. He didn't really eat then did he?

Life is sweet when you're at Robertsport with a Club Beer right?!! I mean, try and name something better than that. Don't worry, I'll wait.

Again, why did he have to eat everywhere? Say NO to "bush food!"

When I read Anthony Bourdain's blog about his trip in March, I wasn't sure what to expect from this episode. Once he edited the footage, he painted a better picture of Liberia than I anticipated. He made me miss home. Here's this stranger digging into our history AND our pots and ernestly swallowing both. Sure it sucks when he closes with thoughts of Liberia never coming back, but truly, when we say it will return to what it once was are we speaking from hope or with evidence?

There's a scene in the movie Their Eyes Were Watching God where Halle Berry is floating on her back looking at the sun. And all she says is that she's watching God. I had a similar moment at Robertsport in Liberia for Christmas. Well, that is, until the Atlantic wave washed me away. But when I regained sight and feeling, I felt like God had to be watching me right there at that second in my home country. All the people I met in those three weeks were waiting for me to be right there at that second, taking in all that I had missed of my culture and home due to unrest. That same sun shone as my peers fought under it years prior. And there I was swimming in new waters, looking out to a canvas full of space for me to create. That's the Liberia Anthony Bourdain couldn't see. My Liberia is the Liberia Anthony Bourdain did not understand. When he decides to make reservations next time, maybe he might catch a glimpse of these things. Until then, we sincerely thank you for opening up your mind and heart and trying.

Liberia to James the photographer. No Reservations.

Liberia to Emmalee the philanthropist and world educator. No Reservations.

Liberia to Alahna and Azara, young Liberian girls living in America. No Reservations.

Liberia to Aisha, world party-goer. Reservations at a bar =)

Liberia to me. Baby Archel, my godchild on the beach for Easter Sunday. No Reservations.

Had I known he was going there I would have had him stop by our house so Doris (the cook) could send some casava leaf to bring back. Nothing better than that huh? Ay yah, leave comments for me below please mah people.

There's no Law for the Lord.

2010-07-16T13:43:00.001-07:00

I have to apologize to you my faithful followers. I wouldn't truly be giving you all of me if I didn't share tidbits of my spiritual side as well. I'm keeping amazing secrets and that's truly not fair. As much as I love The 48 Laws of Power, I believe in the power of the Lord, or universe if you wish to call it, to send you along your desired and destined path. I recently read a piece of Joel Osteen's blog, and I wanted to lazily share this message with you. I know, I know, I didn't author it, but when the word reaches you in ways you need to be touched, sometimes you just gotta share it and hope others receive a blessing in their own right.

What comfort zone is holding you back from experiencing all that God has placed in your heart? Friend, life is very short. Make sure you're sharing your gift with the world. If you're not passionate about what you are doing or passionate about your career, then you need to consider making changes... Remember, your gifting is a part of your purpose. No matter how successful you are, if you're not fulfilling your purpose, you will feel that sense of dissatisfaction. Don't waste another day because now is the time to press forward and fulfill what God has placed within you!

I want the money, the money and the cars, the cars and the clothes, the (clothes)... I suppose. I just wanna be successful. --Trigga

It's a beautiful night to live my beautiful life. --Jeezy

It's a beautiful day to make my beautiful reign. --Moi ("Me" for you uncultured people)

There's nothing wrong with wanting, as long as you're wanting to expose your gift to the world. That's what your purpose is. Want to do it. Then DO it.

Sometimes I think about how I'm an itty bitty soldier in this big ole world. My dreams overwhelm me. I feel power-less. And then I recall how I didn't brew this power I have, these ideas I hold, these strengths I posess. It came from somewhere. And it doesn't sit inside to remain dormant, or tease against the things others have. No ma'am. I'm meant to be great. God has placed that within me. The 48 Laws are a lil bit incomplete, but since we've now shared the secret let's try to completely overwhelm the world with our greatness and potential, can ya?

Friends in Crazy Places

2010-07-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

I've been hella lazy. Look at the time gap between these posts. Never fear, more of me is HERE. Literally. JKH2 is HERE has reached $9250 and the last three slots to $10000 are probably going to go faster than champagne in a VIP. Check the video below.

SOOOOO have you signed up yet? James is one of my friends in crazy places because HELLO who else raised $10000 for Haiti?

Don't worry I'll wait while you think on that.

But he won't wait for you to sign up.

Do it HERE

Why the Relationship Jury Will Find Me Guilty

2010-06-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

I’m going to go easy on the guys for a real quick second and express the ways I walk into relationship trouble. Ladies, failed relationships are usually, yes, all the man’s fault. But let’s say there’s a chance we could have helped things move in a different direction. Without further adieu, here is my list of actions that have kept this single girl single, my stupid relationship mistakes.

I’m guilty of not screening the guys carefully enough. I love men. Sexy men, smart men, men with passports; I just have a weakness for men. However the guys I like are not always the right men for me. I settle for sexy OR smart, and it shouldn’t be a compromise. If he doesn’t do what I need him to do now, he’s not going to do it further down the line, and I should guard my heart until I’ve met someone who’s met all the requirements and exceeded expectations.

I’m guilty of forcing the commitment. Stacey Dash said she’s been engaged so many times because the sex is crazy. Well if we haven’t built a good foundation for a relationship, it’s not going to last with or without amazing sex. Sometimes we force the commitment to feel secure, not because we know we’re with the right guy. No bueno.

**You could be guilty of this in several ways. Maybe you continually press the idea of being exclusive. Whatever the case may be, force isn't an attractive relationship word. Flow sounds much more comfortable. If he wants to be with you, he will. It will flow.

I’m guilty of not picking my battles. Emotional Archel wants to talk about everything, she never quite shuts the fuck up, and most times that’s needed. I don’t win by arguing, and he’s frustrated when he hears me nag. I mean when was the last time you angrily pointed out where a man could do better, and he agreed with you? Exactly. There are always fish to fry, but is it worth frying the baby fish?

I’m guilty of trying to be the perfect girlfriend, but not necessarily working toward the best relationship. I know, I know. I’m perfect. But I need to recognize my happiness isn’t contingent upon his. Dating is an audition, but not a broadway play. You want to know if you’re right for each other, instead of play pretend until you can’t take anymore. Sometimes I wanted what I wanted to be right for me. Sometimes you need to get down and dirty to know if you should be in that situation at all. Avoiding fights isn’t always the best route to take. You gotta show your true colors to find out if they blend.

I’m guilty of letting my girlfriends in my relationship. Most things are meant to be between the two of you. Work 'em out within yourselves. I always wanted my man to be friends with my girls. I would talk up one to the other so much so that my boo and my bff’s could blend and we could all be one big happy family. Then, one of my “girls” dated “my man.” Even if they’re looking in your best interest, your girls can make some problems bigger than necessary because of how much you let them tell you how to feel. Either way, a relationship should stay between the two parties involved. Let your girls watch romance movies and reality television if they want drama. Your life isn’t it.

I’m guilty of not letting it be over. Some relationships run their course. When you spot that yours has, let the course end and walk away with some dignity. People always say women should trust our intuitions, go with our guts. Sometimes our intuition is telling us things and we cannot clearly hear them. Your gut tells you there’s a little more juice left to squeeze from the relationship. Yes, listen to your gut, but don’t trust it unconditionally. Don’t be thirsty. It’s damaging to future relationships, and the only one who stands to lose is you (see It’s Over).

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
-- Marilyn Monroe

Serving Others #97, 66, and 1

2010-06-13T10:07:00.000-07:00

Service, Schm-ervice. This shit is hard. Who would have thought it would be so hard to serve others? With each task I find myself struggling not to serve my own wants. At any rate, day 2, 3, &4:

1. Smile:: This is a great habit to develop to start each and every day and to practice whenever you have the chance. The great thing is that smiling at others is easy and takes nothing but a little effort. Nearly everyone responds to a smile and it makes you and the other person feel better immediately.
Smiling is super hard, not because I'm not a happy person, but because I'm too cool to smile at everyone. Sometimes I would catch myself smiling at people and they would look away of discomfort. Other times I would just look and smile at an attractive guy, like at the pool party we hosted last night. When you smile at someone, it makes starting a conversation so much easier. Alas, I'm still only smiling at cute guys which only benefits me. I will say this, smiling is amazing to break the ice, and hard when you're used to being the cool girl. This will definitely be something to work on in my 100 days.

I tied this in with task #97 at the pool party.

97. Say hello often to strangers::Living in Calgary, while it isn’t a huge city, its much bigger than the small town I grew up in and it is odd how seldom people say hello. I hate that about the city and I’m doing my best to change it. You can to by greeting strangers, smiling in public and by simply hello to people as often as you can around the city. I ride my bike to work and love the bike paths I ride along as I often pass by people and have a chance to spread a smile and a hello. Most often it brings a smile in return and isn’t that a great way to serve. I think so.

Once again I used the party scene as a crutch. Would I have spoken so freely had I passed these people on the streets? Nah. How about females? Probably not. Why is being nice so hard? Let's be honest, I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Being friendly is really something we're not all that used to. I'm working on it but it's going to take a little while and a lot of effort.

66. Express your passions::Passions expose a positive attitude, joy and excitement from a person when they are expressed, or at least more so than normal topics. This excitement rubs off on others and in turn help to encourage them to be excited or to express their own passions as well.
Super selfish. I could talk about what I want to do all day long. Yesterday my favorite, hiring COO was more than happy, as usual, to lend an ear and lots of time for me to chat about my dreams and goals. **Checks off list and pushes the easy button.** Not quite sure what I accomplished from this but I'm glad my life could make someone else's day.

Faded Pictures

2010-06-10T18:15:00.000-07:00

"The past is our definition. We may strive, with good reason, to escape it or to escape what is bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding something better to it."
--Wendell Berry

Serving Others #42

2010-06-10T14:11:00.000-07:00

Okay so I'm off to a shaky start.

In my mind the next tip said "Pay for the person's coffee in line behind you." I was wrong.

42. Pay for the stranger’s coffee behind you in line::Head on through the drive through or even at a till in person and tell the cashier you would like to pay for that other person’s purchase as well. You will quite likely surprise the cashier and the other person with such a simple act of kindness.

So my best friend Danielle was working hard on some law school stuff at Panera. I know she is a coffee drinker so I said "Come get behind me in line." Of course she picked a pastry instead.

Cool beans except that she's not a stranger. Just a hard working law school student whose loyalty to me is unwavering. I know the idea is to do a random act for someone you don't know, but eh, I couldn't help but break the rules a little bit.

I think I'll still file this one away for the guy files, and the next coffee or pastry I buy will have a side order of tall, dark, and yummy man to go with it. Yeah, so far I like serving others.

100 Ways to Serve Others

2010-06-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I used my new favorite time wasting tool StumbleUpon, and stumbled upon something that will hopefully change my life in 100 days or less.

What does it truly mean to serve others? I hear about it when I make it to church with my family. I know I'm supposed to serve others, but I picture service as something that lifts another while demeaning me.

That's certainly not the case.

But I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels that way, or people would serve others more frequently and intently.

The list I'll be using as I try to change my life is 100 Ways to Serve Others. Maybe by following me in my journey you'll be inspired to try a little tenderness yourself...

The Scoop (and hold me to this): I will use at least one new tip each day. I will use them intentionally, as you can't casually serve another. I will go out of my way to use every tip (except house a homeless person because honestly, that's just a tad scary). The tips are simple, but we don't practice them often enough. Hopefully at the end of my term I will be a visibly better person. It's going to take practice and it's going to take heart, but I believe in this.

Which leads me to tip #61 and my first action of service.

61. Admit your faith and beliefs::How you possibly serve others if you do not share or admit for faith and beliefs with them. Wouldn’t that be deceiving them, hiding things from them or even lying to them if you take it too far in fear of telling them? If you truly have faith and believe in it, you HAVE TO also believe in the value of sharing it. Yes, there are good times for this and perhaps some bad times, but you must be willing to admit your faith and belief systems.

I believe in the power of an individual to make someone's day better. I believe in positive thoughts preceding positive actions. I believe in the universe being on my side, and I believe it's up to me to take advantage of all the pots of gold the world has hidden for only me to find. I believe I'm blessed beyond measure and I believe I'm meant to get it all!!

I also believe I just straightened my hair and it's raining outside. I further believe I'm meant to be in South Africa for this historic World Cup. Instead I'm getting my toes painted "Pool Party" pink. Tip #1 is simply SMILE, and I will do just that.

I wasn't born an heiress, but I gotta admit I have it ALL. I have the world at my fingertips and a pretty solid home base. I believe I'm set.

The Little Things

2010-06-09T17:15:00.000-07:00

Hansei-- A central idea in Japanese culture in which you acknowledge your mistakes and pledge a commitment to do better. It recognizes self awareness to be the first step in self improvement.

Hansei also means greeting success with modesty and humility. To stop hansei means to stop learning. With hansei one never becomes so convinced of one's own superiority that there is no more room or need for further improvement.

I always liked what the media wrote of Japanese culture. The stereotypes always seemed in such harmony with the world and self, with every action leading toward happiness and a clearer inner resolution. Sometimes to do better, we just have to know that better can be done.

It's Over... Kind Of

2010-06-03T21:08:00.000-07:00

Women are good at being unable to realize when something is over, aren’t we? I mean, once you break up how many conversations about the status of the relationship does a girl need? There is no relationship. It’s over. But is it?

If you’re like most women I know, there’s an in between phase you don’t enjoy, but somehow seem to find yourself in the middle of anyway. He may not be spending the night every night, but he may come through on the late night twice a week. He may be talking to other girls, but in your mind he’s still yours. The two of you may even go on a few dates together, but the fact still remains, that ain’t your man anymore.

See my days are cold without you

But I'm hurting while I'm with you.

Though my heart can't take no more I just keep running back to you.

--Ashanti

Here’s my list of the top 5 things to do to forget about this in-between bum. You may not need him, but you need to follow these rules. Dedicated to all the situations I let sit in my house well after the expiration date had passed.

Sing the song, “We Can’t Be Friends.” I’m one of those girls who thinks you can be friends with an ex-boyfriend. This has caused me more pain than the actual break-up. Men just don’t see it that way. I feel I can still use your network, and rely on the fact that you know me better than most others, therefore making you the perfect bestie. The reality is you don’t need the stress that comes with this friendship. Every time you get together you’ll want it to be like old times, and nope “friends” don’t fuck. So let this friend go on his merry way.

The blame here goes to the men. If only you could be as peaceful as we are and just be cool, you would have a wonderful woman in your corner. But then could you as the woman keep it together, or is this just your personal compromise with yourself? You can’t have all of him but you’re fine with a piece. No ma’am. In 2010 we don’t settle. And we go where we’re celebrated, not just tolerated. Sing the remix ladies: We can’t be friends…. I’m just so much better than you.

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you

Hate the thought of her being with someone else

But you know that it's over

You know that it's through

--Usher

Delete the number. Y’all aren’t friends right? So why do you need the number? When are you gonna need to call him? What are you gonna need him for? The last boyfriend I had had a name that began C-H. So everytime I would go to call my Aunt Christine, Mr. C-H popped up to the top of my address book. Then I would start to get all sad about the phone conversations we would have. And I would think back to the wonderful way he made me feel. And then I would want to text him. And then I was fucking up because none of the fights we had popped into my head. Delete the number, and the sooner the better.

Here, no one can take the blame. You save numbers in this day and age. You just have to be big enough to delete them too. Here’s a comforting thought: If he still cares he’ll call you soon enough and you’ll have the number again. However if he doesn’t, you’ve removed the thirsty option from your choices of people to hit up today.

I can't leave him alone...

--Ciara

Just say no. No one likes getting laid regularly more than I do. But I doubt it’s worth all the side stress that comes with it. Plus, can you guarantee he’s not sleeping with someone else too? All of a sudden it’s sex you’re risking your life for. Yes, it’s that serious! This isn’t a monogamous relationship if it isn’t a relationship. So let’s set the scene: It’s 12:15am, and when you were in a relationship, the two of you would be settling into bed at this time. Now that you’re single, he’s texting you asking if you want company for the night. Your answer needs to be “Nope I’m good, I’m really tired.” He does not need to be coming over because it’s not gonna be just for tea. You’re a progressive woman. Don’t run in circles, run pyramids. Take note, you’re not really giving him an excuse either. He’s not entitled to one. Just tell him kindly that it’s a no go, and take your ass to bed. This is the hardest, but if you do it and stick to your guns you will be walking the path to inner resolution.

Blame game: Him. He ought to be ashamed of his little frisky, horny self.

Live fabulously! He wins if you’re unhappy while he’s moved forward. Go out. Meet sexy new men. Do work. Make your life matter more. Time isn’t on your side. Who wants to look back and see wasted days spent thinking about someone who is unworthy? You will leave your legacy, don’t tarnish it by selling yourself short. I often think about how Obama’s ex-girlfriends must feel. If I were one of them I would feel salty as hell we didn’t make it work. Really? I would be Mrs. Barack Obama right now. As for Barack, he’s Barack. He isn’t worried about any ex! He’s a gem. So are you. Maximize your possibilities. Be that chick for yourself, but it’s sweet to think someone’s really really going to regret letting you go.

Blame it on you if you don’t follow this rule. Go out and get your life my love! Make moves! Take this opportunity by the balls!

Repeat. You’re going to kiss a lot of frogs, and maggots, and possums, before you meet a king. Remember we aren’t looking for princes, and that king is going to be a real step up guy. No bullshit. Or low bullshit. Either way, don’t let the misbehaviors of many prevent you from finding happiness with one. Don’t regret things that made you smile, but take everything as a learning experience.

When I think of relationships, even though I don’t want to get married, I think of those that last. They take effort, but they make it past the on-again off-again bullshit this blog post is describing. If you have to beg him to be there, what’s he gonna give when he’s by your side? A friend once said, if you hold onto something that’s trying to let you go, you get dragged through the dirt. Touché. I’m too bad a chick to roll through dirt, how about you?

I believe you can have your cake and eat it too.

I mean why else would you have cake?

But you can't have MY red velvet,

with the cream cheese icing I may add,

and still be looking for strawberry.

How selfish?!?! And why would you want that second rate flavor??

I'll just find someone else to enjoy my goodies.

And trust me, they ARE good.

But you already knew that.

--Me!

It's My Birthday :)

2010-05-29T00:23:00.000-07:00

I'm 22!!
Thanks to all who came out to Vino Libro, it really meant a lot! Looking forward to continuing in DC this weekend and a successful 22nd year of life, love, and my blind pursuit :)

My friends are my estate. -- Emily Dickinson

whenever you have time take a look at this and tell me your thoughts. http://www.vbs.tv/watch/the-vice-guide-to-travel/the-vice-guide-to-liberia

2010-05-26T06:35:00.001-07:00

It's unfortunately pretty realistic. Yeah it sucks that we went through so much but how should Americans feel that this is their colony? And should our country be more of a spectacle because of all this?

Ask me anything

Faded Pictures

2010-05-25T22:09:00.001-07:00

My icon's hotter than yours. The Dorothy.

so many women would kill for your body, why do you want to lose so much weight?

2010-05-25T21:26:00.001-07:00

I really appreciate the compliment! I want to live a long and healthy life and wear string bikinis and I really can't do that now. I want that my-chick-bad body, and it's gonna take a little bit more work.

Ask me anything

Is it Just Me?

2010-05-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

... Or are men full of shit these days?

This week the public went crazy after finding out Elin wanted $750 million dollars to ease her pain and end the marriage with Tiger. Yeah $750 million dollars is a lot of money, but I think once a man cheats, he loses all negotiating power. I mean, would she have been more worthy of such a settlement had she caught an STD? Why are men so quick to say Elin’s wrong for this? Helloooo. He cheated. My physical health is worth more than half your income. The vows we made before God are worth everything else and then some. You shouldn’t expect me to simply walk away knowing you’re an asshole, I need you to remember the woman you did this to.

Take Swizz and Mashonda: Alicia Keys is one of the baddest chicks ever. Beleedat. But when the man is married why can’t he respect his relationship and keep himself from being ontop of another woman? It’s like being married isn’t enough to expect exclusivity. You have to move to a barren island to keep your man to yourself these days.

If this is what it is, I don’t want it. A girl I know said, “show me a faithful man, and I’ll show you his mistress.” Even though at first it seemed like a harsh quote, the more I see the unfortunate trysts of apparently beautiful couples, I’m left to wonder how quickly the beauty of a marriage may end after the white dress comes off. Maybe women are entering into relationships expecting bad behavior, and drawing into their lives the negative energy they think about. Maybe we check cell phones and emails for messages that aren't really there. Maybe we make up his late night activities to stir our own insecurities. Or maybe men are full of shit.

Here's an excerpt from Robert Greene's The Art of Seduction.

The Seductive Character -- The Ideal Lover :: Most people have dreams in their youth that get shattered or worn down with age. They find themselves disappointed by people, events, reality, which cannot match their youthful ideals. Ideal lovers thrive on people’s broken dreams, which become lifelong fantasies. You long for romance? Adventure? Lofty spiritual communication? The ideal lover reflects your fantasy. He or she is an artist in creating the illusion you require. In a world of disenchantment and baseness, there is limitless seductive power in following the path of the Ideal Lover.

So I need an Ideal Lover, and full of shit men need not apply. If you cheat on me, I’m taking more than half, and will happily go to court to fight your cheating ass for it. Is it just me?

Law 20: Do Not Commit to Anyone

2010-05-21T19:33:00.000-07:00

I'm a week into my summer, have my fabulous new internship, and super stressful classes. I opened up my favorite behavioral guide and fell upon my medicine.

Law 20:: Do Not Commit to Anyone:: It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others -- playing people against one another, making them pursue you.

One of the reasons I love this book is that I can read the same laws over again and they speak to me in different ways each time. The law above is telling me to invest in myself with loose commitment to anything else. By taking the options the universe offers, I am committed to myself and becoming the master of the varying path I will follow.

When I was a freshman in college, I knew I would be a big time marketing executive because that's where all the money was, according to my mom. I had a gift for speaking and was very likable, so this would certainly be the best career road for me. I often think about where I would be if I had stayed committed to this path. Would it be like living in a loveless marriage? Would I wake up every morning to pick out a well tailored suit and boring shoes? Then I would spend my early mornings in traffic listening to syndicated radio shows where everyone's problems were addressed but mine. I'd hop out of my luxury hybrid vehicle, because I can't choose which element is more important to my ride, and my only fun would be at the occasional happy hour I could attend when I wasn't too tired or depressed about my loveless marriage of a career.

Yeah, thank God I have the faith to commit to my innermost self.

Don't get it twisted, I can appreciate a 9 to 5. Money's guaranteed, and that's always all good. And hopefully one day the man I choose to spend the rest of my unmarried life with will be somewhat corporate. I like business clothes on a man as well as on the floor. But I only recommend sticking to that 9 to 5 if it's a commitment to what your heart dreams of, what your body believes in, and what your mind deserves.

So I'm loveLoveLOVING my new internship at RollingOut Magazine. It's only been three days, but when I go, my crazy shoes are appreciated, my smoky voice is loved, and all my talents are welcome. Had I stayed with the marketing plan, I would have been a fool. This opportunity found me, and I have been able to open up to it as I wasn't committed to anything else. I'm not in a loveless marriage. My dreams are courting me. I've got those first date butterflies. I just wanna lay in it.

The secret to power is understanding you already have it; it's just waiting to be released. I am discovering my power day by day. Each time I tell my soul "yes," I can feel myself being pulled in the direction I am meant to go. It's a lifting feeling ...a high if you must. I shut my eyes in question and open them in decision. I may be an intern, but dammit I have such power. No fears, just desire and space for fulfillment.

So how was your day?

I encourage everyone to selfishly commit to themselves. Life's short. If you don't commit to you, it'll be a brief and lonely life. And while I'm telling tales in heaven of the amazing places I visited, the beautiful people I met, the wonderful sex I had, and the delicious food I ate, it'd be nice to have someone to compare stories with.

Fin.

Things I’m Loving Right Now: Brazilian Wax

2010-05-19T22:23:00.000-07:00

I know some of you were looking for the oral sex issue, and it’s coming, but how can the first thing I write about this month be such a sexual topic? I still have to think about my mom reading this you know. To ease you into the cold water of private-part talk, I decided to start slower, with harmless hair pulling from the vagina. Don’t fret, your favorite guilty pleasure blog will still provide.

I’m a fan of the Brazilian wax, and so are many of my friends and family in Atlanta. Maybe there’s something to be said about emerging from the salon looking like a five-year old girl, and maybe it’s just a curious naked change a woman can make. Either way, if you’re wearing a small swimsuit this summer (which I definitely am), I recommend trying the Brazilian wax at least once, and here is your confidence guide to taking it all off.

First, pick your salon:
I’ve been to three places in Atlanta for a Brazilian wax, and although the end result has always been the same, bare vagina, the processes have all been extremely different.

Hair Images off North Druid Hills : $32 – Hair Images is THE place to go to get an amazing eyebrow threading with mediocre customer service. However, behind the rows of threading chairs there are rooms where they rip hair from your cooch. Literally, they rip it. My very first Brazilian in the world was at Hair Images. Hair Images uses the wax strips, which were super painful, and they double dip the applicator into the wax heater, which isn’t very sterile. The pain I endured was phenomenal and the cosmetologist told me to stop squirming because I was annoying her. Pros: It was cheap and my hair was gone. Cons: I love myself too much to put myself through that place again.

Sweet Samba on Monroe Dr : $35 for your first time, $48 after that – Sweet Samba is the salon that makes you feel like a pretty princess. If you can find a parking space to the little house on Monroe, you’re met with big smiles and a glass of wine if the city hasn’t stopped them from serving that perk. With an in-house boutique and TV’s over each waxing bed, Sweet Samba has bells and whistles for sure. Luckily they have the hard wax instead of the strips, which is a little (and I mean little) less painful. The chatty cosmetologists make you feel super comfortable as they snip and wax all your privates, and you can’t miss the friendly sign over the register reminding customers to tip. Pros: It’s too cute to hate. Cons: The price jump for returning customers makes me only a first time customer.

Brazilian Wax by Andreia : $35 – Everyone’s passed this salon on their way to Lenox Mall. It’s got bright pink letters that explain their specialty service, and in my quick visit I became a fan. In short, I had never considered going regularly until I spread my legs on their table. The cosmetologist wasn’t very chatty, but she was so quick I forgot to feel pain. Before I could flinch the hair was gone. My baby girl was bare, and my tummy too at no additional charge. Andreia’s salon prides themselves on taking less than 15 minutes for the process, and the nerves on my va-jay-jay thank them for that. Pros: They’re good at what they do. Cons: The experience is so fast, you may not feel pampered.

Second, you may want to choose your own place to get it done:
There are a few things you will want to check out when choosing a Brazilian wax salon.

Read the reviews of the salon. This isn’t a place you want to blaze trails, this is your vagina. Make sure the people who are handling yours have ample experience handling others.
Know what you are asking for. A Brazilian wax leaves a landing strip. If you want all your hair removed, request a Hollywood wax or simply say “take it all off.”
Make sure the salon is sterile. There should be a paper on the bed where you will be waxed, and the salon should still clean the bed between each client. Your wax should come in its own disposable container if the cosmetologist is using the same waxing stick. If she’s using wax in a heating pot, she should never put the same stick in the pot twice, because… eew.

Last, prepare yourself!

Book your appointment for one week after your period ends for your own sake. It’s less painful right at that time, and any leverage you can get on this end will be greatly appreciated.
Take 2 advil an hour before “show” time if you’re uber sensitive.
Be clean! Shower two hours before your appointment. Any later and you will sweat on the table, and it’s always polite to freshen up.
Afterward, rub an aloe lotion all over your waxed areas, just so they don’t stick together.

My crazy wax stories:

The first time I got waxed, I was definitely on the phone with a friend for comfort. I screamed and squealed right into my blackberry.
I kind of wish the women at Andreia’s would talk a bit more. It’s like I invited you into my secret garden and you didn’t even buy me dinner first. Come on. What's my last name at least?
I’m always stuck together afterward. Cosmetologists always recommend waiting a few hours before putting hot water down there to separate yourself, but give me a break! It’s a weird feeling, and aloe cream makes me tingle.
I like to look at the finished product. Don’t tell anyone. It’s kind of weird to be hairless! And kind of hot and Brazilian all at the same time!

Dear Blog

2010-05-05T22:14:00.000-07:00

You are my drug and I am a fiend. This school thing is getting in the way of our love affair, but don't worry, I'll re-up soon.

Passionately,
Vanity

When can we expect a new blog post? Or informative youtube video? (Lol especially like the double downs)

2010-05-04T00:22:00.001-07:00

I got you as soon as school gets done! Then I'm going HAMM! Thanks so much for the love and support! As always, check out back posts while you wait! Read about the laws of power, cant get enough of that :) http://sjbthewords.com

Ask me anything

When da hell are we going out on our date??!!!! Feel like you puttin me to the side for a reason!

2010-05-04T00:21:00.001-07:00

LMAO I know who this is and just know that I love you but im tryna get these grades in right nah :) you lucky you graduated but dont you forget the struggle. oh yeah, everyone follow @theheroes !!

Ask me anything

FORMSPRING :: "Good Hair?" I think as a liberian, you should know that there is no such thing as good hair.

2010-04-29T15:16:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure what I've ever said about "good hair," but I know a thing or two about ease! I wear extensions right now because of the versatility it offers with my workout schedule. I have a beautiful natural haired cousin @lafemmechinery that reminds me that even when you've tried everything out, nothing's more flattering than that which you're born with! Good Hair? I don't know. But easy hair, I agree with that concept.

Ask me anything

I see you say you're now celibate, but I also know you've not exactly been a prude in the past. There's a saying "there's a fine line bw being sexually liberated and being a whore." How do you know which side of the line you're on?

2010-04-29T15:13:00.001-07:00

Wow excellent question! I can say I've tried all sides of the sexual line, but nothing quite measures up to being honest with yourself about what it is you want, and why you're doing it. I prefer to say I'm sexually liberated because people treat sex like it's supposed to be so hush-hush in the media and to students, but violence is everywhere. I'd rather images of passion than hate, and I take it that seriously. Sex is good for your health when practiced safely, and good for your spirits when a woman learns to enjoy herself as much as she can. Men have no problem getting out there and making sure they're fulfilled, and ladies have earned that sort of satisfaction by simply being a woman. In summary, we need to make love more, whether it's with someone else or by ourselves!

Ask me anything

So What You Gotta Say About My Checklist??

2010-04-19T22:35:00.000-07:00

My amazing baby brother and my new twitter boo responded to my checklist. I love you all for these. Ladies, do you agree??

My Brother -- We're cut from pretty good cloth!

My Twitter Boo -- His sound quality may give you a headache, but work through it.

AP said "I love weave. Best invention next to the eyebrow filler." He's a winner.

And my brother is my brother. Taken by a beautiful lady, but of course he is. He's a Bernard.

What Archel Wants :: The Checklist

2010-04-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

Here's another page out of my video diary :) I'm interested to know what you think, men and women alike, of my standards. Where should I bend the rules??

How to be a Boss Chick: Jenny Bennett

2010-04-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

Another boss chick I adore is my amazing Godmother Jenny Bennett. Sure enough I've known her all my life as my family member with the demanding job, but when she got the corner office and all the big boys began to report to her, I knew we officially had a boss chick in the family. I love my Aunt Jenny because she worked her way up in her company. Her loyalty to the United States Postal Service has proven extremely beneficial as she began as a mail carrier and is now Postmaster of the City of Decatur, an honor that comes complete with a holiday. As the first female to have this title in the city, her dedication shows a type of mobility I had to learn more about, and a level of achievement I hope to experience myself.

A boss chick's take on where she expected to be and learning about life...
When I entered the working world I didn't have a timeline on where I wanted to be. I began working because I had to. I was super stressed in my 20's because I just didn't know what I wanted to do, and I was well into my 30's before I found out. Having a family can truly affect the decisions you make and at the rates in which you make them, however everything happens for a reason. I was in the right place at the right time and continue to find new opportunities by being patient and aggressive at the same time.

A boss chick's guide to taking that leap...
People seldom understand that as the boss, I'm always working. Yes, I can make my own hours but I have an operation to run sometimes I get into the office at 3 in the morning. The misconception is that "having your way" means doing nothing. I work hard. I work when people aren't working. I work when people don't think I'm working. Any successful person will tell you this. One of the reasons I am able to be successful is because I have a strong foundation at home. No matter what your family looks like, you cannot be a good leader if your life doesn't have balance. Any woman can aggressively move to the top of her field, especially if she has a solid foundation to live in.

A boss chick's guide to being that woman...
Women are used to being the backbones in the family. We're generally more responsible than men. Black Women especially take on lots of responsibility for family. We can also do that in the work world. To become 'Jenny Bennett,' I've given up part of my personal identity. It's lonely at the top and you stop being able to let your hair down. Last year I went to a restaurant called Pearl for my birthday and all night I ran into people who worked for me. I had to be on guard for my birthday. The safety net is really small and it's apparent. The next day at work, a carrier said 'I didn't know you hung out at night.' If my skirt is too short, or my heels are too high, I'm under scrutiny all the time and I have to act accordingly. Lastly, being that woman involves having confidence in what you do. Always appear to be in control. Don't let anyone see you sweat. Women are tougher than the world gives us credit for. Use your strength to your advantage.

A boss chick's thoughts on fitting the professional bill...
I'm involved in Post Office sponsored professional organizations. One is gender related and the other is race related. After you get into management, the network is imperative. It's nationwide; it helps when you're looking for new positions and it's the way we break into the good ole' boy network. Here, you have more executives willing to help you out. When you truly want to be the part, join an organization. When you want to dress the part, don't underestimate the discount stores! Many times I've seen a suit in a large retail store to turn around not long after and find it in TJ Maxx. I may be a boss, but I like to save money, too.

Word association with a boss chick...

Passion: A deep desire to achieve.

Hard Work: Doing what you have to do.

Faith: Believing in yourself.

Opportunity: Going after what you want.

Power: Being a leader but still having integrity.

The Campaign Against Cake Face

2010-04-11T15:52:00.000-07:00

Wanna know a secret?? I wear makeup, but it's so flawless you'll never be able to tell. In my newest YouTube videos, I arrive bare-faced and finish with a clean look using two of my new favorite beauty products. Of course I love seeing things in action before I purchase! But if my demo convinces you to spice your makeup kit up a bit. Let me know. Three cheers for natural looking skin!

NARS Orgasm Illuminator -- $29 :: Sephora Stores

BeautyBlender -- $23 :: Entebello

Thanks lovers!

2010-04-09T23:05:00.000-07:00

I believe in humility, and I don't think one can say thank you enough.

How to be a Boss Chick: Margaret Garner

2010-04-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

I love the female boss. It's deeper than cute suits and shoes that come in bags. There's really something to be said about a woman that can emerge to the top of her field, however I think women were build to conquer. I caught up with two really awesome boss ladies to get into their money-making, shot-calling thoughts. The first is Margaret Garner, founder and CEO of Broadway Consolidated Companies Inc. I love Ms. Garner because she's self made. She built her company from scratch and has overseen projects like the construction of the first WalMart store in a major urban city, and was featured in Black Enterprise Magazine in December. Ms. Garner's website proudly proclaims "Broadway Consolidated Companies, Inc. is a 100% African American female owned company."

A boss chick's take on where she expected to be and learning about life...
When I was in college, this isn't where I expected to be. I really never envisioned this. I expected to get my MBA or pursue a law degree. Having a family made me change paths. Challenges in life are guaranteed. Changes are a common denominator. Rolling with the punches is all part of life's training.

A boss chick's guide to taking that leap...
A woman can start her own business but her family and partners must be inline. If we desire to achieve these high goals, we have to learn to balance. When you are prepared to launch, just start it. Don't worry about 'the right time.' Put together your business plan, find some investors, sweat equity, savings, etc. Be prepared to work all the time. When a man is good in business, he's just considered a good businessman. When a woman is aggressive in business, she is considered a bitch. That's the reality of it. The playing field isn't level. I gave up a traditional family life to be Margaret Garner. I couldn't be the 'soccer mom,' because that's what it took. I haven't figured out yet how to prevent my job from consuming me.

A boss chick's methods of being professionally well-rounded...
I am a member of many different professional organizations. Most are industry related, and I participate in social activities. It's important to build those relationships within your field. 2009 was a tough year, so it was important to tap into that network I had already built. I recommend students get involved after college, as soon as they start working. If you intern, ask your bosses if you can attend meetings with them. You now have such an opportunity with social media to break through the good ole boy barriers. The way we interact now is so different. The key is to use all of this to your advantage. The good ole boy system still exists, but as we learn to support our industry we will see our own success.

Word association with a boss chick...
Passion: The love of what you do.

Hard Work: Do it the old fashioned way. No one will give you anything.

Faith: Believing in God. Believing in the ability you have to get it done.

Opportunity: Creating it. This is the toughest.

Power: Making it happen.

The Key: Be well versed, be well trained, practice humility.

Things I'm Loving Right Now: T-Shirts

2010-04-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

It's always t-shirt season. They're light enough to work out in, thin enough to layer, and fly enough to make a statement. I found two awesome and affordable sites with t-shirts that I guarantee you won't find on anyone else. Except a few celebs and all of my really stylish readers. You're welcome in advance.

Minoritees has some really cute stuff for the urban girl to play in. If it's Janet approved, then there should be no hesitation in grabbing a few. My favorite style is this pink v-neck. They gave the soul sista wings and let her sit ontop of the world. I will be purchasing it as soon as I'm off my shopping fast. Hopefully the boutique will still be running, because the 30-70% off sale indicates the recession has stopped some people from buying Minoritees' reasonably priced merch. It's all up to you. Please buy a few tees and keep Minoritees open for at least a month so I can still be Janet Jackson bad just in time for my birthday. Thank you.

Yes, you too can be as fly as Beyonce in Wildfox Couture tees. I'll have to admit that it feels kind of nice to be able to afford the shirt Queen Bey wore to dinner one night. Yes it's one shirt, on one occasion, but who's counting? While you race to the website that hosts the cute top, check out some of the other 80s inspired, extremely feminine tops. They come in a slew of breezy designs and aren't very hard to fall in love with. They're original, they're glam, and they're still cotton. Go to the website and you'll soon notice you've seen their tees before. Welcome to the cool t-shirt club.

Feel like a celebrity yet? I love effortless chic too.

Things I'm Loving Right Now: Nigerian Fashion on CNNI

2010-04-04T19:22:00.000-07:00

When I spent Christmas in Liberia, I became my own fashion designer. It was so easy, because I was able to have my say in the start and finish of every item I wore. I've never spent time in any other West African country, but it seems to be the same ordeal according to this CNNAfrica clip. In Nigeria, business is booming.

I know, I know, you want to visit.

Discovering the Recipe for Sugar

2010-04-03T20:02:00.000-07:00

At what point does one say they've "made it?" Life throws so many curve balls that often the plan I intended to follow isn't the same as the one I end up seeing through. I believe one of the biggest components of success is opportunism. I've learned that I have limited control over the path laid before me, and I can be nice to people and put out all the positive energy in the world I want, but truly whatever will be will come to me. I've just got to learn to maximize all opportunities and "make it" with what's being thrown at me.

When I scrolled through the pdf I have of The 50th Law of Power, this lesson literally jumped out at me. I couldn't ignore it. I believe the universe gives you exactly what you need at exactly the right time.

Lesson 3:: Turn Shit into Sugar — Opportunism::
Every negative situation contains the possibility for something positive, an opportunity. It is how you look at it that matters. Your lack of resources can be an advantage, forcing you to be more inventive with the little that you have. Losing a battle can allow you to frame yourself as the sympathetic underdog.

Do not let fears make you wait for a better moment or become conservative. If there are circumstances you cannot control, make the best of them. It is the ultimate alchemy to transform all such negatives into advantages and power.

Knowledge right?!? This is sometimes the hardest thing for me to put into action. I mean when shit gets bad, it's really bad. However, if we've got more life to live let's live it by milking everything dry.

Take for example Elliot Spitzer's mistress Ashley Dupree. Or everyone's mistress Kat Stacks. Or even the visually appealing Kim Kardashian. The shit they got into would be getting caught. The sugar is parlaying their scandals into mega media money. I mean sure these women aren't exactly perfect role models for 8yr old girls everywhere, but honestly if they can make sugar out of that shit, then anything must be fair game.

I've never heard a story from any maven that made it with ease. There's always some sort of rocky terrain. I just always assumed that if I did everything the right way I would never struggle. Then real life reminded me that I am not exempt from the ways of the world I live. I've got to make my own recipe for sugar with the shit I've got. Opportunism is challenging, but I've got a bit of a sweet tooth.

Things I'm Loving Right Now

2010-04-02T12:23:00.000-07:00

Cheap Monday jeans: As a curvy female, I’m constantly on the hunt for the best jeans for my body. Everything I put on needs to look brand name. Let’s be honest, leggings are way comfier. However guys are catching onto the fact that they are the new fat girl attire. As soft as leggings are, and as much as they add the illusion of a butt for me, I need great jeans for practicality. When I found Cheap Monday jeans, I decided I could make the move from cotton to denim and rest assured my fake thickness would still be intact. Cheap Monday jeans have the perfect mixture of spandex and denim to have and to hold your body as long as you both shall be together. No really, they don’t fall like a typical low rise pant, and they don’t stretch out with wear like any other jeans I’ve bought. At between $65-$95 a pair, you can always find the best rise, fit and color for you, and still have cash left over to drop in that back pocket under their trademarked skeleton head logo. I have three pairs that I scooped from the Bill Hallman stores in Atlanta. My favs are my dark blue denims that come right to my belly button without mom-ifying my shape. I still look yummy.

The new J-Hud: She’s glowing, and if it’s Weight Watchers that’s helping her to do so, then sign me up. Jennifer Hudson has super slimmed down and looks amazing these days. The funny part is that I really don’t remember any other American Idols from her season. She took that opportunity and parlayed it into a glamorous, full figured and full blown career that can showcase all her talents. I doubt anyone saw it coming either. I believe in two things when it comes to success. First, things are considered impossible until someone does them. Second, no matter what you choose to do, be true to yourself. In my mind Jennifer Hudson is a perfect example of both of these, and I’m loving her right now.

Teedra Moses and her new mixtape Royal Patience: There’s no better “thanks” a fan can get than a free album of quality music. Being that Teedra Moses is my favorite singer in the world, I jumped at the chance to get some new music from her. It’d only been six years since her last CD. At any rate, Teedra’s sound is like none other. She’s got a soulful, smoky voice and her beats are catchy enough to keep you moving, but simple enough that they don’t overpower her vocals. Her mixtape can be downladed from her website here at your leisure. I love R&B mixtapes because typically there’s no obnoxious DJ talking over the songs. You can really enjoy the album as you were meant to. I enjoy this CD and Teedra’s passion from start to finish, but my favorite songs are Everybody Rock and Kisses Never Taste So Sweet. Yeah it’s girly, but what could you expect from me? I get tired of the “ho-talk” sometimes. Currently, Teedra’s on the Lady Hennessy tour. It doesn’t stop in Atlanta, but it does stop in three cities in Alabama (side eye). At any rate, tour information can be found here.

Hydrogen Peroxide as Makeup Remover: Don’t give me a weird face for this! I’m always hunting for a home remedy to something and you’d be surprised how perfect this one is for facial care. I had heard of using peroxide as a toner, and now I can cut costs in multiple ways with this one formula. I use it before bed, by pouring it on a cotton ball and rubbing it all over my face and neck, the same way I would any high priced makeup remover. I’m finding great results, even though I’m always super skeptical about products with names I have to look up in order to spell correctly. Really, many beauty products contain similar ingredients to peroxide and cost way more, so I recommend you try this out for yourself and see how surprisingly good a treat this can be for your face.

Keri Hilson at the Hawks game: Okay she did really mess up on the anthem words, but she sounded really good doing it. Anyone who can make a mistake and continue to push through gracefully to the end of his or her task deserves some sort of a gold star for effort. So be nice people! Atlanta’s a tough market!

Selita Ebanks: Just because. She's friggin hot :)

Things I'm Loving Right Now: Green Juice Blends

2010-03-25T21:44:00.000-07:00

When the world got on this "get healthy" kick, I went right along with them. Yes, I, the palm oil eating Liberian girl whobegins looking forward to traditional Thanksgiving dinner in December decided to extremely reform my diet. Step one was to begin to get my proper share of leafy greens, and I've decided to get them effortlessly in these yummy green juices. For tastes, they usually add an apple juice or mango puree, but for nutrients you can expect to find high doses of spinach, broccoli, wheatgrass, and other green things I would never cook on my own. All these drinks are pretty high calorie, as the fruit juices make it taste better, but it's fiber fiber FIBER! And Jody says that green juice is great as long as I drink lots of water.

The first green juice I tried is this one from Trader Joe's. It's definitely the thickest of the three, but it has a pretty good taste to it. It's pretty popular with people according to reviews online. This size bottle is $2.50, and if you're like me you won't finish it all in one sitting.

The second one is from Arden's Garden. The bottle is very plain, with nothing on the label except the ingredients. Arden's Garden is known for its juices and smoothies, so it was only fair to see what the experts sold as their specialty. This drink was the most refreshing of the three, with the cucumber and celery flavors being so distinctive. It's also about 60cents more expensive than the others.

The last one was a quick grab at Publix. It's manufactured by Naked and is definitely the tastiest of the three. I don't know what it is about the blend of the fruits and veggies, but you kind of forget you're sipping wheatgrass. The trade is that this juice has more calories. It's got the same greens as the Trader Joe's juice but a bit better blend. They're also the same price, but hey, you have your fun and taste test as we did at home.

I tweeted Whole Foods about how to make a green juice, and they tweeted me back this. Yeah I thought it was too much effort too, but at least this way you can control the amount of sugars you take in.

Other things I love right now: this commercial and Mechad Brooks. It relates because he's healthy and I'm healthy and we could be healthy together.

Can I get an Amen?

Getting My Body Right!

2010-03-25T21:18:00.001-07:00

As the lesson for today is about intense realism (see previous post), now more than ever I have to be completely realistic about my body size and the changes that need to be made. According to physicians and trainers all over, my size and frame should only hold about 130lbs. This means I need to drop 33lbs to look tight. In order to do this, I've put down the fried sushi, and picked up a personal trainer named Jody. Jody's clients include the fabulous Keri Hilson, Polow da Don, a few strippers and video models, and now the most spectacular me. His wife was even a gold medal winner at the 1996 Olympics. That's only slightly intimidating. Take a quick peek at the start and finish of today's workout. Please excuse the Nicki Minaj in my car, I have to get my energy high to keep up with him!

Since I've been counting down the days to my hot bod, I leave you with a special list to allow you to keep me accountable.

The Top 10 Things I'm Going to do When I Drop This Weight:
10. Run around the campus in a sports bra and leggings so everyone can see me and be jealous/ honk.
9. Buy my string bikini.
8. Wear it.
7. Borrow one of Aisha's shirts. I just want to borrow it. I'll give it back. Most sisters can share stuff, and she's gonna HATE me when I can fit her clothes!
6. Get the tattoo of my favorite quote in the world by Ntozake Shange in script on my side.
5. Gloat.
4. Eat. I want macaroni & cheese, some super southern fried chicken, and hennessy and apple juice. Spare no caloric expense!
3. Remove the weave and cut a bob. I love short hair on slim girls and I'm going to be one. At least until I miss my Indian Wavy.
2. Take a million Macbook pics where I'm kinda sorta naked. Then I'll slowly leak them so I can become famous and have my own perfume and E! show. They're both handouts these days, and I don't mind jumping on this bandwagon.
1. Continue to workout, because I really am trying to make a conscious lifestyle change.

Hey Jody, no pressure!

What the f*#% am I doing?

2010-03-25T09:11:00.000-07:00

Alright, it's time to shape the brand I wish to use in this world. I have a goal to be a top broadcast journalist, and in order to see it through some changes have to be made. Change has always been a fearful step for me. I like the safe, and prefer the usual. However, I think they define the safe plan as insanity, for I can never expect to advance if I'm content with sitting still.

For a little bit of motivation, I turned to a special edition of Robert Greene's laws of power. The 50th Law only contains lessons on fearlessness, and ta-da! I need to be fearless. Let's start with Lesson 1 ::See Things for What They Are — Intense Realism::
Reality can be rather harsh. Your days are
numbered. It takes constant effort to carve a
place for yourself in this ruthlessly competitive
world and hold on to it. People can be
treacherous. They bring endless battles into
your life.

Your task is to resist the temptation to wish it
were all different; instead you must fearlessly
accept these circumstances, even embrace them.
By focusing your attention on what is going on
around you, you will gain a sharp appreciation
for what makes some people advance and others
fall behind. By seeing through people’s
manipulations, you can turn them around. The
firmer your grasp on reality, the more power
you will have to alter it for your purposes.

The intense reality of things is I've got a long way to go to build my brand and I'm certainly scared of failing. So I'm biting off one step at a time.

My name is Archel. This doesn't have to be confusing, especially since I don't really have a fan base, but more of a support team. Shelby was easier for people to remember, spell, like. When I want to command the world to know me, you have to actually know me. I've got so much heritage in my name, and honestly who do you trust more to deliver your news and advice? I fear that the name change thing is kind of weird. However, I kinda have to do it now, because I'm applying for jobs now.
My professional twitter page is @itsArchel. If you follow the fun page, you can see why I don't want to trace it back to me. I've done the fun thing for a while now, but let's be real, I'm not getting any jobs having fun.
My facebook fan page is coming up. It's a "public figure" page. Here's the kicker: that's what I want to be. I want to be in the public eye. I want to give my point of view. I want to deliver facts. I want people to know me, to love me, to feel like they're my friend, even if the only things they know are the things they read or hear. If we never ever grab lunch, I still want people to think I'm their girl. I want people to love to hate me. I want them to say "I can't believe she said that?!?" at their dinner tables. If you see things for what they are, I want to give you honest things to see. My fan page will launch once my resume reel is where I want it to be.
I want Liberia to be the Paris of West Africa, even if my contribution is simply my living room cocktail parties. I still haven't decided on a name for the dress selling aspect of my brand yet, but I know it will have something to do with the adinkra symbol "nsaa" which is a type of hand woven cloth that stands for "excellence, genuineness, and authenticity." Insert ideas here.
I'm going to have to change the name of my blog, and I suppose hire a real team to construct my page for me. I think of this as my baby. I pour out my innermost, confusing feelings right here, and y'all listen and text me, email me, tweet me, whatever, just to let me know you're watching me walk in progress. But I can't be Shelby for much longer. I've got to grow up, and be realistic about a lot of things if I want to turn my mark into a bang. Hell yes I'm full of fear, but I'm focusing my attention on what's going on around me, screaming on the inside, and pushing forward throughout.

I suppose everyone goes through this "What the f*#% am I doing?" feeling when they're near graduation. I was raised knowing I would go to college and get a good job after, but then what? How do I know where to go to truly live my dreams? What are my true limitations? Do I have a right to these fears? Since today was just lesson 1, I won't try to tackle everything at once. My task is to resist temptation to wish it were all different; instead I must fearlessly accept these circumstances, even embrace them. More power to me, I'm moving right along.

The Naked Hustle

2010-03-23T16:21:00.000-07:00

I will probably never forget the first time I went to a strip club. I was with 3 of my girls and some dude invited us to come out for a good time. It was of course the infamous Magic City, and for a strip club starter, my eyes opened about as wide as many of the legs in that venue. My first lap dance came from a veteran stripper named Mona Roe. I selected her off the stage because she was tall and had really ideal features for a woman: brown skin, thin, high butt, long weave, the like. As a woman who doesn't like women in a sexual capacity, I chose what I thought a guy would choose. She danced a bit in front of me and then sat directly on my lap. Then my mouth matched my eyes. I was officially turned out.

There are several reasons I like going to strip clubs.

I don't have to dance. Hello, there's already entertainment so I don't have to compete.
There are lots of pretty girls, and where there are pretty girls the guys are sure to follow.
When guys have loose money, they like to showout. And if I can get a free drink or chicken wing plate because you like to stunt, I won't stop you.
I can always learn a move or two for my private collection.
I am a secret fan of the hood music. There's really nothing like it.
It's a more generous environment than a regular nightclub. People are more generous with conversation, cash, skin, etc. And if you're going to pay $20 to get in either way, you may as well get the most booty for your buck.
A guy, for whatever reason, likes a girl that doesn't feel threatened by a room of naked women. If I'm cool with that, you don't have to be worried about any self-confidence issues over here.
I live in Atlanta. Our strippers are celebrities for whatever reason.

But I can completely understand why a woman would feel quite the opposite.

Strip clubs are kinda trashy. I mean, aren't there a few people you wouldn't like seeing you walking out of your local titty bar?
It is a huge waste of money. You've thrown stacks at a girl who isn't going home with you that night. Even a gold digger will sleep with you.
Some say it degrades women, but I don't really know what to count as degrading. Without going into that discussion, we'll just add "degrading" to this list.
It makes us think you're shopping for something you're not getting at home. If I'm at home, just come to me. I'll do a little dance for you. You can call your regular gentleman-like behavior the payment. Win-win for all.
Some women are slightly insecure about it. Are you comparing us to what you see there? Are you looking to find someone new? We can't all be the cool girlfriend when your goal is to look at T&A. Call me crazy but that might touch a nerve!

So what's our solution ladies? Is this a naked demon you can fight? Maybe in a pit of mud or a bath of jello in white t-shirts? Why don't we see this as another "if you can't fight em, join em" situation. Take a day of the week and go to a strip club with a completely open mind. Be the un-jealous woman in a room full of men. Imagine how liberating it could be to throw someone else's one dollar bills at a gyrating, toned woman with strategically placed tattoos as she smiles back at you with respectful acknowledgement. Just go! And enjoy! And wear stretch pants because I don't think they clean the chairs or couches of coochie. Step 1 on being "the wonderfully liberated woman" is to check it out with wide legs. I mean eyes. And mind. Wide eyes and mind. Yes.

Step 2 is to locate the stripper within yourself and then set her fiercely free! This step is not only for the bold. Pole dance is an international sport. The things women can do on a pole so gracefully may shock you. After having searched for a fun way to tone up and gain flexibility, I found this class at PoleLaTeaz, and it happened to have an added bonus of "nighttime skill." The women who've attended classes at this venue also experience a surge of confidence. With varying body types and skill levels, ladies keep the classes full as they find their own sex appeal. Since we all know how I feel about living your best, most full life, you can see why I would think this is another great element of exotic dance classes.

I support the naked hustle, because when I'm "boo-ed up" I'll have one of my own. Imagine if I could make one very special person's mouth as wide as mine was when I experienced Mona Roe? Sure, it wouldn't solve all my life's problems, but I think it'd make me wink at my reflection in a mirror. The point of it all is to really accept your femininity and work it, literally, to your advantage. Approach it with such a view. Maybe just what we need is to go with our men to the clubs, eye the moves and say, "baby let's take it back to the crib. I can do all of that." What a turn on. Now who's gonna go with me to buy their first pair of six inch clear heels?

As a strip club fan myself I would like to take space in the fine print of my blog to thank the Snack Pack girls at Magic, a couple exboyfriends with large pockets, Baker or Jazmine again at Magic, and Chris for Onyx on Tuesday's. I can't say why because my mom reads my blog, but if you are one of these people or have ever been with me in these situations, you know how they contributed to this blog post. :)

Help is HERE

2010-03-14T18:40:00.001-07:00

I took this picture...
...because I saw this picture...

And it was the least I could do. I wasn't asked to be in the new "We Are the World" despite my amazing Lady Gaga renditions. And my daddy didn't give me 10 stacks and Nicki Minaj for my sweet sixteen. However I am still a citizen of the world and had to do my part. My dear friend James Holder is raising $10,000 (take that Diddy) in donations to Haiti through his amazingly selfless fundraiser called JKH2 is HERE (Haitian Earthquake Relief Effort). All we have to do is donate a minimum of $50 to either Red Cross or Yele Haiti, and then log onto www.jkh2ishere.org and sign up. Here's a flyer for you visual learners.

Stunning picture, right? Such a charitable steal.

I can't make the situation in Haiti any more relatable to you than it already should be. Imagine, we are the lucky ones. So put the shoes down, and imagine that same $50 going to helping feed a family tonight. Plus, I like looking at pictures of myself. Thanks for the header, James.

Spring Showcase Recap

2010-03-14T17:44:00.000-07:00

I wanted to thank all of the beautiful ladies that came out to my showcase this past Saturday. I will always say I have the best supporters in the world, and I hope that everyone understands how much great friends mean to me. I have become this sort of "Jane of all trades" as I search to find my real calling in life, and I love that so many are willing to share in my growth. Here are some snapshots of the goodies you all seemed to enjoy.

Honestly, I probably wouldn't have sold as much without my sisters. Everything they put on sold really fast. I love my cheap labor models :) Muah! PS: I'm wearing a Heart EU.RI.KA. necklace in this photo. Amazing jewelry that was also being sold at the showcase!

Friends from all areas came out to try stuff on! I was so excited and really couldn't move fast enough to see all the cute things you tried on!

I know I was supposed to send out thank you emails to everyone, but more than that I just want you to know how amazing it is to see people here wearing the same styles and prints as the women of Liberia. I love that fashion really can unite people. It sounds silly, but imagine, you have a little piece of West Africa for spring! Thanks so much for showing support, and thanks to my dad and Uncle Leon for being my importers this go 'round. Also thanks to my Aunt Jenny and Jules for refreshments. Of course there was more than enough rum punch and sweet potato cheesecake leftover that I was super happy the rest of the week.

So for next time, I'm going to try to have pretty bags for you to take your dresses home in. Also the price is going up :(

Any ideas on a company name??!?

The Independent Woman Killed the Real Man

2010-02-17T23:13:00.000-08:00

It all started a few summers ago when Webbie decided to make I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T the new female anthem. I would be in the club with my fake ID saying "check" everytime he rapped another item I had of my own. Yes I pay my own rent. And when I want steak and shrimp for dinner, I go buy my own steak and shrimp for dinner. Period. I know I can take care of myself, but you want me to have two jobs to be a bad broad? If I'm doing all of this for myself, why do I need you in my life again? And why are we listening to a man named Webbie to define the standard of women these days?

Then came NeYo. He made the independent woman sound like "that chick" I really wanted to be. Twice. It was like the first song wasn't enough. You really needed a remix to understand how wonderful a woman is that can literally stand, run marathons, and leap bounds all on her own two feet. Soon women everywhere were claiming they didn't need a man to do anything for them. I mean anything. It's been the trend ever since.

But why?

Let's look at this independent woman phenomenon from a societal point of view. Many women, especially black women, are seriously living their lives without a man to be the other half. My mom and most of my aunts did the mother and father role. They're truly independent women. But they didn't walk around singing it like it were a badge of honor. These are the cards life dealt, so they learned to make lemon pie out of lemons. Maybe Webbie, NeYo, and all the wonderful people who loved these songs felt a connection to them because of their own personal experiences with independent women. I can't lie, I bought the ringtone. But doesn't the independent woman get courted? Do we have to go dutch on the first date for you to know you have a top notch chick on your hands? Is it no longer acceptable to want you for more than sex? Because technically, I can buy that too if I've truly got my own...

Switching gears to the effect this can have on a relationship: fellas, do you truly believe you're connecting with a woman who hasn't allowed you to step up in her life? A woman who continues to be completely self reliant isn't making room for you anywhere else but her bed. No matter how exciting that may sound right now, if you're ever looking for longevity, you're not going to find it under those stakes. Take my wonderful mother for example. As stated before, she was mommy and daddy for a while, but being the newlywed that she is I'm sure she's riding shotgun sometimes because that's what men and women do when they commit to each other. Emphasis on "each other." That makes it a dual thing. Boys and girls play the "too independent" games, and when it's "each other," there's no room for that kind of stuff. Comfort within yourself means allowing each other to play their rightful role in a relationship. Court me, dammit. Serve me and I will serve you.

As a secret fan of The Bad Girls Club I want to talk about the date Kendra had at the chicken wing spot a few episodes back. Her date really left her with the whole tab. How rude? He didn't even offer to contribute to their $20 check because he claimed he was testing her. *insert Scooby-Doo voice here* What would the Millionaire Matchmaker have said about him?

I won't dwell on this too long. Guys, don't be jerks. Your mama's raised you better. Ladies, don't allow yourself to be walked on like that. It's not acceptable if you don't allow it to be. Once you know how to be treated like a lady, why would you ever, ever, EVER step backward? I thought we were the progressive half of the species.

There are two laws I want to make apply to this sweeping injustice...

Fellas, Law 11:: Learn to keep people dependent on you :: To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.

Bottom line, don't become extinct. As nice as it is to keep $10 in your pockets because she bought her own movie tickets, she's going to find the one she needs and I don't mean financially. If you don't step it up and be the partner a woman is owed by God, someone else will. The ideal man will sing the NeYo song and he opens the car door.

Ladies I got one for you too. Law 34:: Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a Queen to be treated like one:: The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated. In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a queen respects herself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.

Don't be scared to be a queen. Take the place you know you deserve, because factually a real man wouldn't let himself be so disposable. He wants a front seat in your life and isn't afraid to take good care of you and show that you deserve the best from him to complete the best life you're making for yourself. When you act simple, you get simple men. I'll take the best, thank you. The ideal kind of woman is one who is independent but can still relinquish power to her man. Put...the... check...DOWN. He's got it.

Now "5-star Chick..." I don't have any arguments about.