Love and Luck in Work

File this away in my passion corner. I think they call this venting.

I always take an extra 30 mins to get out of bed. I just need my sleep. As I wake, I'm planning my nap and meals for the day. Rarely do I ask myself 'what are you going to do to make this day count?'

Sure, I work damn hard to ensure that Plan A comes to fruition. I put in my hours at Rolling Out, and then put in my midnight hours at a second job to make the bills disappear. There is no Plan B. My dreams have to take off so I can live the fabulous life like Kimora Lee, and have the cultural influence of Oprah Winfrey, and have the quotable phrases like Coco Chanel, the totable babies like Angelina Jolie, and the arm candy boyfriends like Kim Kardashian.

But I'm only seeing the bread. I've got to learn to really mill the wheat in the fields before I can live the life of peace and prosperity meant for Archel Bernard.

You really don't get the life I want to live by falling in love with men. You fall in love with the vision and chase that bitch til it chases you.

I've learned the chase is overlooked. The effort that goes into the chase is sometimes mundane, and we've got to toil over those mountains. But the thing about the mountains is they don't disappear; the way I climb them shifts.

I was out on the purple carpet for the Soul Train Awards doing interviews, and I was out there in the cold in a little red dress. Chrisette Michelle comes up to me and rubs my arm to note my goosebumps. Yep, I was freezing out there. I talked to 40 or so celebrities and wannabe celebrities about superficial red carpet things in order to get my assignment done. Every now and again, however, my mind would wander to what life will be like when publicists beg me to book their artists on my show in my warm set. It's challenging to want. My dreams feel like teasers. I want to be there already, wherever there is.

Here's an image of me after the awards (clearly a cell phone pic). I tried to crop the boobs out, as my mom reads my blog periodically and hates to always be bombarded with titty, but I could only do so much. Shout out to Ulta for a $45, hour and a half wash and curl.

And then I realize this is all a warm up. That God doesn't place me anywhere to suffer. Only to thrive. I'm up next at bat, and up to bat again and again until His will is found and the universe is pleased.

I recently went to New York to visit my little brother as he tries to conquer the music world. Sidenote: the Bernard last name means 'dynasty' in many languages. As he showed me his apartment in Brooklyn's Crown Heights, I could feel the hunger for more than a fire escape that only seats one, as much as I could feel the pleasure with his grind. These days we're experiencing right now are good days. We're making great steps every hour. The steps are small, and most go unnoticed, but they stand as building blocks to help us acquire the payoff that's meant for us at the end when the fire escape becomes a patio overlooking the Mediterranean.

I don't envy anyone's happiness. I don't know what it took for them to reach their state. I know that I'm climbing away for mine. What AM I doing to make each day count? How can I be more quotable, or more fabulous? How can I draw this plush lifestyle? Such complex questions with such easy answers. I love this work. I love that I'm setting myself up to hit a homerun. I love that all the mountains are unclaimed gifts waiting for me and only me. When you work hard, you'll find out that you're really lucky. I'll simply be the luckiest talent I can be.

Are you happy now, baby? I am.
And the best is yet to come.

A little Miley for your day... PUSH PLAY! Every word captures the mood I'm in.

Exit Stage College

I was going through some faded pictures and I think the easiest way someone can gauge my changes is from the ways I've celebrated Halloween through college. As I'm graduating, and also looking for a new costume to wear this year, I thought I'd give my own little yearbook of pics. Enjoy throwback me, and encourage wholesome costumes for your daughters because they can't compete with this.
Really there's a point to all this, keep reading.

Freshman year: I was a schoolgirl. I didn't even know girls did Halloween in college until I saw them prancing about in their costumes on campus. They had these sexy costumes, meanwhile I wore stuff I put together from my closet. That Halloween was the first night I had alcohol that wasn't my mom's champagne toast for New Year's. I went to this frat where a boy I went to high school with was a pledge. Brian Tyson had to carry me out of the house because I had two jello shots and felt "weird."

Times have changed.

Sophomore year: I was an AASU snob and went to this super hot house party we had. No costume, I was social chair of the organization and was just feeling like I could come any kind of way. It was, after all, my party (lazy).

Junior year: I still thought girls made their sexy costumes, so I made an apron that said "Chef BoyarDO-ME" and wore this shaper under it. Brian drove me to this predominantly Spanish party which was kind of dull.

Brian was always a one man UN. Here I am with Soulja Girl, a boxer, and Tom Cruise from Risky Business.


My First Senior Year: I had been having car troubles all day but there was no way I was missing this Halloween. I had this amazing fake ID and had been clubbing hard all summer and fall. I had to get a Brazilian wax for this sailor costume because it was so little. We hit Velvet Room and it wasn't long before we were in someone's booth drinking Goose and Rose. I spent the night with this guy I had been talking to at that time, and I realized in his bathroom that I can't mix Goose and Rose ever, ever again.

The ATLPics show how into the club life I was. Wild.




My Second Senior Year: Don't judge me for the two and a half senior years, I was still finding myself. By this point however, the career college student thing was getting old and I had calmed down. I made my costume because I didn't want anyone else to have what I wore. I was decked out in pretty much all spandex, rhinestones on my face, and had a handy dandy whip. I called myself "your fantasy." My girls were kind of annoyed with the continual stings of my costume whip. How you think Toby felt? Of course, the only way to get me out the door at this point is with promises of VIP. We were at Life with a good friend, and that was all the partying I needed for the rest of the year.



My Last Semester: I don't know what to be! But you can visualize my transformation in college from being young, to searching for the party, to finding the party, to now leaving the party.

That's pretty much the way my time has evolved at Georgia Tech. I've learned from relationships with men, from friendships, from organizations, and faculty. I've changed my major and I've opened my mind to going after the career path I truly desire. I've opened my mouth to stand up for myself, to be who I want, and definitely to get what I want. In many ways I've shed my costumes and become confident enough to exit this stage of life, even if just to give everyone else hell as I attempt to run this media thing.

Really, how can you measure change? My hair has gotten a little longer, bank account a little bigger, focus a little more precise, shoe collection a little more stacked.

My grandparents have gotten a little sicker, my family a lot bigger, my friendships a lot closer, my weight a little up, but I've always been this bright-eyed girl looking for my piece of sweet potato pie in the sky. Am I closer to it or still a dreamer? Is anyone watching? Listening? Understanding?

If this is the end of my journalistic freshman year (as I'm coming close to the one year anniversary of sjbthewords.com) I wonder where I will be five years from now? Do you see how green I was as a freshman? The large growth I've experienced in five years gives me so much hope and excitement for what's to come. As I exit stage college, I know the Lord will let 'stage career' be just as much a blessing as the past years have been. You know I'm scared, but the beauty of faith is that I'm allowed to live in delight as He holds my problems in His capable hands.

I share those thoughts with you in hopes that you keep me in your prayers.

It's my time to be Pinky and the Brain and take over the world.

Ready for me??

And as far as this Halloween goes, ideas anyone?