Exit Stage College

I was going through some faded pictures and I think the easiest way someone can gauge my changes is from the ways I've celebrated Halloween through college. As I'm graduating, and also looking for a new costume to wear this year, I thought I'd give my own little yearbook of pics. Enjoy throwback me, and encourage wholesome costumes for your daughters because they can't compete with this.
Really there's a point to all this, keep reading.

Freshman year: I was a schoolgirl. I didn't even know girls did Halloween in college until I saw them prancing about in their costumes on campus. They had these sexy costumes, meanwhile I wore stuff I put together from my closet. That Halloween was the first night I had alcohol that wasn't my mom's champagne toast for New Year's. I went to this frat where a boy I went to high school with was a pledge. Brian Tyson had to carry me out of the house because I had two jello shots and felt "weird."

Times have changed.

Sophomore year: I was an AASU snob and went to this super hot house party we had. No costume, I was social chair of the organization and was just feeling like I could come any kind of way. It was, after all, my party (lazy).

Junior year: I still thought girls made their sexy costumes, so I made an apron that said "Chef BoyarDO-ME" and wore this shaper under it. Brian drove me to this predominantly Spanish party which was kind of dull.

Brian was always a one man UN. Here I am with Soulja Girl, a boxer, and Tom Cruise from Risky Business.


My First Senior Year: I had been having car troubles all day but there was no way I was missing this Halloween. I had this amazing fake ID and had been clubbing hard all summer and fall. I had to get a Brazilian wax for this sailor costume because it was so little. We hit Velvet Room and it wasn't long before we were in someone's booth drinking Goose and Rose. I spent the night with this guy I had been talking to at that time, and I realized in his bathroom that I can't mix Goose and Rose ever, ever again.

The ATLPics show how into the club life I was. Wild.




My Second Senior Year: Don't judge me for the two and a half senior years, I was still finding myself. By this point however, the career college student thing was getting old and I had calmed down. I made my costume because I didn't want anyone else to have what I wore. I was decked out in pretty much all spandex, rhinestones on my face, and had a handy dandy whip. I called myself "your fantasy." My girls were kind of annoyed with the continual stings of my costume whip. How you think Toby felt? Of course, the only way to get me out the door at this point is with promises of VIP. We were at Life with a good friend, and that was all the partying I needed for the rest of the year.



My Last Semester: I don't know what to be! But you can visualize my transformation in college from being young, to searching for the party, to finding the party, to now leaving the party.

That's pretty much the way my time has evolved at Georgia Tech. I've learned from relationships with men, from friendships, from organizations, and faculty. I've changed my major and I've opened my mind to going after the career path I truly desire. I've opened my mouth to stand up for myself, to be who I want, and definitely to get what I want. In many ways I've shed my costumes and become confident enough to exit this stage of life, even if just to give everyone else hell as I attempt to run this media thing.

Really, how can you measure change? My hair has gotten a little longer, bank account a little bigger, focus a little more precise, shoe collection a little more stacked.

My grandparents have gotten a little sicker, my family a lot bigger, my friendships a lot closer, my weight a little up, but I've always been this bright-eyed girl looking for my piece of sweet potato pie in the sky. Am I closer to it or still a dreamer? Is anyone watching? Listening? Understanding?

If this is the end of my journalistic freshman year (as I'm coming close to the one year anniversary of sjbthewords.com) I wonder where I will be five years from now? Do you see how green I was as a freshman? The large growth I've experienced in five years gives me so much hope and excitement for what's to come. As I exit stage college, I know the Lord will let 'stage career' be just as much a blessing as the past years have been. You know I'm scared, but the beauty of faith is that I'm allowed to live in delight as He holds my problems in His capable hands.

I share those thoughts with you in hopes that you keep me in your prayers.

It's my time to be Pinky and the Brain and take over the world.

Ready for me??

And as far as this Halloween goes, ideas anyone?

Kiss My Clean Mouth

Like Rick Ross says, "she talk dirty, but her mouth clean." Honestly I'm not really sure what that means. And if it means what I think it means, then I don't understand the appeal...

I've been working on being a better, classier me. Step one is simply eliminating the curse words from my vocabulary.

I've started with the word fuck.

Welp, I just said it. Man it felt good.

But really, I use curse words when I'm not able to articulate anything any other way. Think about how often I say something is "fucked up." Well, why is it that way? Is it a disaster? Is it a loss? Is it really so awful? It doesn't matter, because the word is so powerful that it takes away a bit of my intelligence and class.

But some stuff is really fucked up.

Can I use synonyms for "fucked up?" Can it be "sexed up?" Like, "that grade I got in class was really sexed up."

Yeah see, I like my vice a lot more.

I go braless in public. I walk outside barefoot. I wear leggings as if they're real pants. I leave my dishes in the sink. I act like I don't see homeless people on the streets so they won't ask me for money. I'm bipolar when I'm under the influence. I'm kind of a crazy young thing. And I'm choosing to start correcting myself right here, by censoring my language use, when all I want to do is freely express my thoughts.

That's sexed up.

What's feminine about a woman that talks like a beer drinking man with a pot belly? You think a host will get hired if she slips up and calls Julia Roberts her main "bitch" in Pretty Woman? How awkward is it to have Sunday dinner with my mom and she keeps hitting me while I'm mid-casual conversation? These are all reasons I've got to clean up my mouth.

By now you know that I like to kind of read a lot of books. I just open what I need, when I need it. Today, I've got Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and I wanted to share a piece with you.

"Begin with the end in mind" is based on the principle that all things are created twice. There's a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.

Take the construction of a home for example. You create it in every detail before you ever hammer the first nail into place. You try to get a very clear sense of what kind of house you want... You work with your mind until you get a clear image of what you want to build. Then you reduce it to blueprint and develop construction plans. All of this is done before the earth is even touched.

If we do not develop our own self-awareness and become responsible for first creations, we empower circumstances outside our Circle of Influence to shape much of our lives by default.

Here's the thing: I have a goal to become a relatable, real, and relevant television host. I want to be respected. I have to create my blueprint for success now, so others cannot pick my weaknesses apart later. I have a reputation to build and an air of class to maintain and progress. I can't let a little "fuck" eat away at my sweet potato pie in the sky.

So now I don't talk dirty, and my mouth is clean. Sorry Rozay.

P.S. There's good shit in this book. Good stuff. There's good stuff in the Stephen Covey novel. Yes. Good stuff.

I wanted to leave you with a clean mouth of mine for you to kiss, but then I realize I have a million different pics of me with this pucker pose. So I didn't even use one at the beginning. Too overwhelming to choose. I'm sure at the time I took the kiss photos, they weren't as corny as they all are here in collection. Would you believe me if I told you I have about twenty more kiss face pics? And that's not even including the ones with my sisters. What can I say? I'm a kisser! Pick one and kiss it.

Things I'm Loving Right Now: Young Liberian Entrepreneurship

I know I'm doing my thing, and there are a few others that I wanted to share with you. Pass the word, there is indeed hope for Liberia as long as these people exhibit such energizing fire.

James K Holder II -- You knew I had to shout him out.

My dear friend is making waves in Atlanta after having raised $10,000 for Haitian relief. With a new studio on the way and large nods from Georgia Tech and the Atlanta NBC affiliate station, who else could you possibly want to take your picture? When you support your friends, sometimes you CAN get good service. Check out the DIME Squad below and judge for yourself.

DIME Squaaddddd. We up thru there!

Now book a shoot.

Arch Bernard Jr. -- Yep we come from the same parents.

My baby brother and his love affair with metal music landed him a position at a label within Warner Music Group where he can socially network for musicians who scream over music. When we were in college my goal was getting to the money. He always told our mom that he was into doing work that he loved. Staying true to his dreams and beliefs still allow him the opportunity to be fulfilled. The money will come and the job will reward in many more ways also.
My bro in his element. Leave it to him to make friends on the streets of NY.

Keril Sawyerr -- The cousin I'll eventually need to invest in my television network.

Keril and his associate's web business is called New Billionaires, and with the release of his new e-book Why a Year Passes and No Meaningful Progress is Made you can get a feel for his belief on positive thinking and hard work leading us into living wealthy and abundant lives. I visited the book's website and it made me question myself. "What did you accomplish last year?" it asked, and all day I kept trying to make a complete list. After reading the book, which I need a volunteer to buy for me, I know I will be able to answer this at 2010's year end.




Charlene Bendu Dunbar -- Putting African textiles in your neighborhood boutiques.

I really don't know Charlene, but I want one of EVERYTHING she's made. I've seen her stuff in shops I frequent and numerous fashion shows, and it's been refreshing to know that people want to wear a piece of Liberia. She's used her skills to bring something beautiful out of the rubble. How can you not love that?


A few of my favorite blogs by a few of my favorite Liberian girls:

Jewel Anastassia Tolbert -- Her thoughts on life, strength, and femininity make me smile. You can tell her words are completely her personality, and I always get a refreshing word to brighten my day.

Vanette Tolbert -- I'm not a model but if I were, I'd have all the startup advice I needed right here. Plus her webcasts are funny to me. Go enjoy "The V Spot."

Mattie James -- What girl doesn't love fashion? But if you don't have the time to browse the world for the hottest looks, just go to Mattie's page frequently. No really, frequently. She updates several times a day. Say 'yes' to shoes.

So much good stuff going on in the community, I couldn't resist a little shoutout! Love you all!

Trying to Paint the Perfect Self Portrait

I wanna be a billionaire so freakin bad.

No. Really. And I would really like that song had it not been for the story my brother told me about Travis McCoy dissing him at Warped Tour one year. My brother handed Travis a CD of the band he was promoting at that time, and when Travis walked away he chucked it somewhere.

Well that was unnecessary.

I want to make it in this media industry, but I feel like famous people aren't supposed to reveal so much of themselves. I share so much through this thingy-bopper blog of mine, because I want you all to know and love me. I want you to pray for my success when you pray for your loved ones at night. Even if you hate me, I expect you'll still watch me because of the irresistible way I host a video or make a news story come to life. My mom is hesitant to share my url with her colleagues, and I held my breath the other day when my TA said he clicked this link from an email I sent about needing tutoring. While Criminal Minds paints one reason why cyber-living is dangerous, I need to know if my personality is going to get me into more trouble than jobs.

Am I supposed to be this personal? Maybe you shouldn't know how I feel about sex or where I am with religion. Maybe I should just play my position.

I'd just rather keep it real.

I look at all these people who are seated where I'm trying to sit, and I imagine how perfect their lives must be. They have the one thing I want. They're successful. They're being paid to do work I would probably pay someone to allow me to do.

But is the grass really greener that way? Take David Letterman for example. Sure, a certainly very successful late night host. And then it comes out that he'd been sleeping with subordinates. Who saw that coming? Haven't men learned the affairs are never the way to go? Maybe that's a subject for another post.

Is it better to paint the perfect picture of yourself the way you want it to look? For whatever reason, I think I provide an untouched digital photo: you get what's in the frame.

Travis McCoy may have hit singles and the opportunity to throw demo's on the ground, but who is he really? If I can't still be the cool Shelby/ Archel/ Vanity... I don't want the fame.

Well I want it. But maybe not so much.

Ok better example: Fantasia. We put her down for being uneducated. And a homewrecker. And super country. And then she attempts suicide. Like really, this industry should never have me so caught up in my head that I feel the only way out is through the bottom of a pill bottle. And then we still put her down. Twitter went wild with jokes about this. Hello. She almost died. All of this because of who she was.

Can I have my career the way I want it and still tell you all my secrets? Is this a "play now, pay later" issue I'm going to have to face? I'm scared, sincerely. I want you to see me as that girl you knew and could relate to, that just happened to work hard and move on up in the world. Is that so much to ask? No rehabs, no secret affairs, no hidden children. Just me, you, and the billions of dollars we're going to make. Can my appreciation for sincerity come along for the ride too? It doesn't bite. Hard. Let me know if I need to lock this all down.