Friday, July 23, 2010

The Numbers Game (Yes I'm Talking About Sex)

How many men is too many men for a woman to have slept with? I hate this subject. For women, the name of the game is the lower the better. We won’t even acknowledge the male-female double standard involved. Does oral sex count to increase the number? If you regret a partner, can you wipe him off your count list? What’s the difference between sexual liberation, experimenting to discover your body, and just being a loose woman? Do you share your number with your partner? Do you even want to know his?

As women, we play the numbers game. As grown women, we need to come up with a formula that works for us. Each time we take off our clothes to become intimate, it seems we have to consider more than simply what we want. We also have to address the moral backlash that comes with making our own decisions. Sexuality is my God-given gift, and I’m thankful for it everyday. Calves made for high heels weren’t an accident. Back dimples are an intentionally placed touch from His hand. My tig-ol-bitties are a nightmare to dress, but I've got the rest of my life to figure it out. Every part of me is meant to be loved and appreciated, by myself forever, and by someone else for as long as I care to let them.

So, how many people should I care to let? Are double digits cool? Or maybe only 5 before I turn 25? I’ll never tell. My mom reads this. And, oh yeah, I wouldn’t want you to think less of me for being comfortable in my skin. I’ve been frisky, I’ve been a prude, but now I’m taking credit for being happy loving me.

So do you tell him? Do you ask him his number? Who cares. What we need to do is make our way to the clinic and make sure we haven’t done any real damage by trying to find ourselves. Sure, there are always those partners you wish you could erase. Do it. It’s YOUR number. But make sure all your relationships-- sexual, professional, anything – were learning relationships. Kids count. Young women regret. Grown women grow. Just be smart.

My mom tried to sit all of my sisters and I down to talk about sex. Really, why? I still giggle about sex around my mom. Yes I’m 22. She’s still my mom. But if I could give my sisters any advice on playing this game, I’d say “you be you, because you’re going to have bad judgement once in a while. You’re going to learn everything you’re supposed to learn. And then you’ll add that last number and realize what all your other numbers were getting you ready for in the first place.”

And if all else fails, have sex by yourself, because that doesn’t count. HA.


  1. I dunno...I kind of want to know.

    I don't want penis that EVERYONE else has had.

    Or penis that doesn't pick and choose which vagina to go in.

    I want to know that my stuff is considered to be one of a chosen number, rather than just another egg in the carton.

  2. This sounds logical... I have no rebuttal. I don't want super used penis either.....

  3. girl, I adore you! I love your writing style, you do it so well!