The Independent Woman Killed the Real Man

It all started a few summers ago when Webbie decided to make I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T the new female anthem. I would be in the club with my fake ID saying "check" everytime he rapped another item I had of my own. Yes I pay my own rent. And when I want steak and shrimp for dinner, I go buy my own steak and shrimp for dinner. Period. I know I can take care of myself, but you want me to have two jobs to be a bad broad? If I'm doing all of this for myself, why do I need you in my life again? And why are we listening to a man named Webbie to define the standard of women these days?

Then came NeYo. He made the independent woman sound like "that chick" I really wanted to be. Twice. It was like the first song wasn't enough. You really needed a remix to understand how wonderful a woman is that can literally stand, run marathons, and leap bounds all on her own two feet. Soon women everywhere were claiming they didn't need a man to do anything for them. I mean anything. It's been the trend ever since.

But why?

Let's look at this independent woman phenomenon from a societal point of view. Many women, especially black women, are seriously living their lives without a man to be the other half. My mom and most of my aunts did the mother and father role. They're truly independent women. But they didn't walk around singing it like it were a badge of honor. These are the cards life dealt, so they learned to make lemon pie out of lemons. Maybe Webbie, NeYo, and all the wonderful people who loved these songs felt a connection to them because of their own personal experiences with independent women. I can't lie, I bought the ringtone. But doesn't the independent woman get courted? Do we have to go dutch on the first date for you to know you have a top notch chick on your hands? Is it no longer acceptable to want you for more than sex? Because technically, I can buy that too if I've truly got my own...

Switching gears to the effect this can have on a relationship: fellas, do you truly believe you're connecting with a woman who hasn't allowed you to step up in her life? A woman who continues to be completely self reliant isn't making room for you anywhere else but her bed. No matter how exciting that may sound right now, if you're ever looking for longevity, you're not going to find it under those stakes. Take my wonderful mother for example. As stated before, she was mommy and daddy for a while, but being the newlywed that she is I'm sure she's riding shotgun sometimes because that's what men and women do when they commit to each other. Emphasis on "each other." That makes it a dual thing. Boys and girls play the "too independent" games, and when it's "each other," there's no room for that kind of stuff. Comfort within yourself means allowing each other to play their rightful role in a relationship. Court me, dammit. Serve me and I will serve you.

As a secret fan of The Bad Girls Club I want to talk about the date Kendra had at the chicken wing spot a few episodes back. Her date really left her with the whole tab. How rude? He didn't even offer to contribute to their $20 check because he claimed he was testing her. *insert Scooby-Doo voice here* What would the Millionaire Matchmaker have said about him?

I won't dwell on this too long. Guys, don't be jerks. Your mama's raised you better. Ladies, don't allow yourself to be walked on like that. It's not acceptable if you don't allow it to be. Once you know how to be treated like a lady, why would you ever, ever, EVER step backward? I thought we were the progressive half of the species.

There are two laws I want to make apply to this sweeping injustice...

Fellas, Law 11:: Learn to keep people dependent on you :: To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.

Bottom line, don't become extinct. As nice as it is to keep $10 in your pockets because she bought her own movie tickets, she's going to find the one she needs and I don't mean financially. If you don't step it up and be the partner a woman is owed by God, someone else will. The ideal man will sing the NeYo song and he opens the car door.


Ladies I got one for you too. Law 34:: Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a Queen to be treated like one:: The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated. In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a queen respects herself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.


Don't be scared to be a queen. Take the place you know you deserve, because factually a real man wouldn't let himself be so disposable. He wants a front seat in your life and isn't afraid to take good care of you and show that you deserve the best from him to complete the best life you're making for yourself. When you act simple, you get simple men. I'll take the best, thank you. The ideal kind of woman is one who is independent but can still relinquish power to her man. Put...the... check...DOWN. He's got it.

Now "5-star Chick..." I don't have any arguments about.

Let's Make Money!

According to my poll, money is a top motivator for many of you. So what if someone told you that “money is just an idea?” I caught up with Omari Worthy of Maven Investment Group and he enlightened me on their philosophy and shared a little bit about my biggest money curiosity: investing.

SJB: What influenced the start of the Maven Investment Group?

OW: After graduation from Georgia Tech, I got a job in the corporate world and although the job supported me financially, I wanted more out of life than what my job offered. It was also painfully evident to me that many of my peers had a serious lack of financial literacy. So together with two business partners that I met in college, we pooled our knowledge of the stock market, venture capitalism and real estate and formed our investment firm. One of our biggest business models is that by helping others become more financially literate and financially independent, we become more financially independent ourselves.

SJB: Okay so what do you mean by “Money is just an idea?” I’ve always been told it makes the world go ‘round.

OW: We've all heard the saying, "It takes money to make money.", and through my own research, I've found that many people have ideas and plans to make money, but many of them don't follow through with their ideas because they believe this adage to be true. Then, I have also polled people and asked them what would they do if they had $100,000 and generally the first
response I get is, "Well, first I need an idea." From everything I've seen, it's our ideas that generate money, it's not the money that generate the ideas.

SJB: How can I get started investing if I don’t even know my way past online banking?

OW: A quick and easy way to start investing is to use a long-term investing approach and dollar cost average in the market. What you will do is to put $50 dollars a month into the market until you retire. If you can afford to put more, that is good, but the goal is to be able to do this every month. To start, you will have to open a brokerage account and I suggest Sharebuilder (www.sharebuilder.com), now owned by ING Direct. It is an online brokerage that allows you buy pieces of shares for stocks that may exceed your monthly amount. There is also no account minimum, no inactivity fees and it's services are targeted for the everday investor. This is how I got my start in investing and it takes no more than 30 minutes to set up. Right now you can buy stocks for $4 with their automatic investing services. Once you set it up, it will deduct your amount each month from your bank account and invest it in the stock market for you. It's that simple!

SJB: What stocks should I buy?

OW: All of them! Standard and Poor's, a market research firm, created a basket of 500 stocks that serve as a benchmark for the stock market's performance. Named the S&P 500, this is what mutual fund managers use to gauge whether they are performing better than the overall market. Once you set up your account, you want to invest your $50 dollars each month into the SPY, which is the stock symbol for the S&P 500. The average return for the S&P since 1926 has been a little over 10%! $50 dollars a month would turn $15,000 dollars invested over the next 25 years into a little over $64,000! Not bad for 30 minutes of work! As you get older and start making more money, you can increase the amount you put in. Please note that about 70-80% of mutual fund managers fail to beat the market each year. So by buying the S&P 500 index you will be inline with the market and hence beating most people who manage money for a living!

Given that it's this easy and way less expensive than you thought it would be to get into this lucrative world of investing, I encourage you to at least check it out. After you visit sharebuilder.com, go see what else you can learn from our money man Omari and his partners at moneyisjustanidea.com. This is just a tiny piece of the knowledge the team is more than willing to share with individuals looking to make the most of their worth, so bookmark their site and prepare to be enlightened! Let's turn this 'idea' into something real in your pockets. Have a profitable Monday!

Follow Omari on Twitter: @TheMoneyMaven