The Cleopatra Effect

"Only one image of Cleopatra survives—a barely visible profile on a coin— but we have numerous written descriptions. She had a long thin face and a somewhat pointed nose; her dominant features were her wonderfully large eyes. Her seductive power, however, did not lie in her looks—indeed many among the women of Alexandria were considered more beautiful than she. What she did have above all other women was the ability to distract a man. In reality, Cleopatra was physically unexceptional and had no political power, yet both Caesar and Antony, brave and clever men, saw none of this. What they saw was a woman who constantly transformed herself be- fore their eyes, a one-woman spectacle. Her dress and makeup changed from day to day, but always gave her a heightened, goddess-like appearance."
-The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene

I've got a thing for the women who draw men toward them like flies to light, because it never seems to be because they are so intensely beautiful. Women fail to realize that charm and mystery are more hypnotizing than a pretty face. While men are indeed visual beings, their desire for the chase overwhelms their desire for arm candy. Pretty women are plentiful, but a woman who owns her charm is indeed a rare commodity.

I picture Cleopatra as this bangin' bodied red bone woman (only because I'm red-boned). Full lips, blunt cut bangs one day, sick weave the next, Indian hair only. I literally picture a young Iman from "Remember the Time." I see her king trying to rule an empire but working hard to try and entertain her so she doesn't leave his side. Without Cleopatra, all the land of the world would have no meaning, all because she was just that chick. She's got this mentality that floats from Greece to Australia, while her man's just trying to keep up with Rome. Cleopatra doesn't need a companion, but because she is that extraordinary she maintains a loyal following of men in awe of her actions. Could a blank-minded, attractive woman ruin empires? Probably not. Why allow society to create boundaries for you, when freedom and personal evolution can grant you such power?

Law 25 -- Re-create Yourself:: Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.

Guesswork is the winning formula in everything. The Cowboys are using the same game plays, and the competition can defeat them because of their predictability. We cannot be standout women if people can anticipate our next steps. If you show people your spades, they will find a way to trump you.

Apply the Cleopatra effect in your life. You may surprise yourself.

The Laws of Vanity

Vanity is my alter ego. She does what she wants, feels what she wants, and she's wise. Most important, she is her own top priority. I've read a lot of books with tidbits that people can learn from to advance their ways of thinking. In a perfect world, people would understand Vanity's thoughts as the most peaceful ways of the feminine mind. Enjoy, my never complete list of the Laws of Vanity (L.O.V.E. --the E doesn't stand for anything but it's my list to title how I feel). This isn't a list of the best stuff I've said in the blog. They're just random summaries I reach when I get to the heart of the matter. Who knows, this could be the blueprint for my book somewhere down the line. Or they could just be tweets I never want to forget. Either way, indulge me and let me know which are your favorite. By me, for you.

• A real man knows a woman is a top investment and reflection of his principles, morals and goals. And being a real man and a grown man are two different things. Real men understand what im saying, grown men might not.

• Loyalty is Chief. It's the only currency we accept.

• Some men are just bullshitters. They can't help it. Been that way too long to change.

• Clothes are so much better on the floor.

• Love isn't what hurts, its that other shit that comes with it when people don't fully believe in its power.

• Never throw away a black dress. I guarantee you'll find another way to wear it.

• When you live LOVE you don't have to find it.

• When loyalty runs through your veins, expect to be disappointed. It's not a common chromosome.

• Leave EVERYONE missing you. An overstayed welcome is your own blues.

• There's no shame in drinking water in a wine glass. It's the effortlessly chic life that separates you from the fake.

• Shamelessly let the most expensive meal a man eats be pussy.

• People say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I think the best way is just to get inside yourself.

• When you shake someone you never thought you would, you truly see how magnificent thoughts are. They can hold you captive AND set you free.

meet the original vixens who bear the same name. eh, when the lead decided she wanted to do gospel music, the name became up for me to grab. they were the first lingerie dancers. =)

Law 5: So Much Depends on Reputation. Guard it with Your Life.

I haven't written in forever, but a recent conversation caused me to look toward my favorite behavioral guide once again.

Law 5 :: So Much Depends on Reputation. Guard it With Your Life :: Reputation is the cornerstone of power. Through reputation alone you can intimidate and win; once you slip, however, you are vulnerable, and will be attacked on all sides. Make your reputation unassailable. Always be alert to potential attacks and thwart them before they happen. Meanwhile, learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.

My mom always emphasized the importance of being a lady. She cringes when she reads my blog more often than not. What can I say? I keep my legs closed, my fingers tapping, and my mouth yapping. My words are my friskiness. My twitter, however, could be my demise.

Recently I read an excerpt from David Blasberg's new book Classy. He describes that one of the best things about class is that no matter how much you slip, you can always regain your footing. Blasberg uses Drew Barrymore and Angelina Jolie as examples. These women were crazy, but when they were ready to shape up, the world accepted their current drive and beauty as their reputations. I like Nicole Richie. Sometimes you have to wild out to shape up. I believe your former title only pales in weight beside what you currently do.

My supervisor asked me what I ultimately wanted to be known for professionally. I'm still uncertain, really. I want to be this amazing television host who was known for being real, relatable, and relevant. The question is, do you see that in me now? Do you think you could take me seriously as I report on gun crises in urban areas? Would you only tune in to hear me chat with sex experts? The question with reputation remains, are you building the picture you want people to remember?

If not, there's always time.

The beauty of life is that as long as you have it, you can always live it. You can always build with time, and you can steadily shape and protect your reputation. Even if you don't see me right now as the host I believe I will be, you'll turn eventually.

There's no Law for the Lord.

I have to apologize to you my faithful followers. I wouldn't truly be giving you all of me if I didn't share tidbits of my spiritual side as well. I'm keeping amazing secrets and that's truly not fair. As much as I love The 48 Laws of Power, I believe in the power of the Lord, or universe if you wish to call it, to send you along your desired and destined path. I recently read a piece of Joel Osteen's blog, and I wanted to lazily share this message with you. I know, I know, I didn't author it, but when the word reaches you in ways you need to be touched, sometimes you just gotta share it and hope others receive a blessing in their own right.

What comfort zone is holding you back from experiencing all that God has placed in your heart? Friend, life is very short. Make sure you're sharing your gift with the world. If you're not passionate about what you are doing or passionate about your career, then you need to consider making changes... Remember, your gifting is a part of your purpose. No matter how successful you are, if you're not fulfilling your purpose, you will feel that sense of dissatisfaction. Don't waste another day because now is the time to press forward and fulfill what God has placed within you!

I want the money, the money and the cars, the cars and the clothes, the (clothes)... I suppose. I just wanna be successful. --Trigga

It's a beautiful night to live my beautiful life. --Jeezy

It's a beautiful day to make my beautiful reign. --Moi ("Me" for you uncultured people)

There's nothing wrong with wanting, as long as you're wanting to expose your gift to the world. That's what your purpose is. Want to do it. Then DO it.

Sometimes I think about how I'm an itty bitty soldier in this big ole world. My dreams overwhelm me. I feel power-less. And then I recall how I didn't brew this power I have, these ideas I hold, these strengths I posess. It came from somewhere. And it doesn't sit inside to remain dormant, or tease against the things others have. No ma'am. I'm meant to be great. God has placed that within me. The 48 Laws are a lil bit incomplete, but since we've now shared the secret let's try to completely overwhelm the world with our greatness and potential, can ya?

Law 20: Do Not Commit to Anyone

I'm a week into my summer, have my fabulous new internship, and super stressful classes. I opened up my favorite behavioral guide and fell upon my medicine.

Law 20:: Do Not Commit to Anyone:: It is the fool who always rushes to take sides. Do not commit to any side or cause but yourself. By maintaining your independence, you become the master of others -- playing people against one another, making them pursue you.

One of the reasons I love this book is that I can read the same laws over again and they speak to me in different ways each time. The law above is telling me to invest in myself with loose commitment to anything else. By taking the options the universe offers, I am committed to myself and becoming the master of the varying path I will follow.

When I was a freshman in college, I knew I would be a big time marketing executive because that's where all the money was, according to my mom. I had a gift for speaking and was very likable, so this would certainly be the best career road for me. I often think about where I would be if I had stayed committed to this path. Would it be like living in a loveless marriage? Would I wake up every morning to pick out a well tailored suit and boring shoes? Then I would spend my early mornings in traffic listening to syndicated radio shows where everyone's problems were addressed but mine. I'd hop out of my luxury hybrid vehicle, because I can't choose which element is more important to my ride, and my only fun would be at the occasional happy hour I could attend when I wasn't too tired or depressed about my loveless marriage of a career.

Yeah, thank God I have the faith to commit to my innermost self.

Don't get it twisted, I can appreciate a 9 to 5. Money's guaranteed, and that's always all good. And hopefully one day the man I choose to spend the rest of my unmarried life with will be somewhat corporate. I like business clothes on a man as well as on the floor. But I only recommend sticking to that 9 to 5 if it's a commitment to what your heart dreams of, what your body believes in, and what your mind deserves.

So I'm loveLoveLOVING my new internship at RollingOut Magazine. It's only been three days, but when I go, my crazy shoes are appreciated, my smoky voice is loved, and all my talents are welcome. Had I stayed with the marketing plan, I would have been a fool. This opportunity found me, and I have been able to open up to it as I wasn't committed to anything else. I'm not in a loveless marriage. My dreams are courting me. I've got those first date butterflies. I just wanna lay in it.

The secret to power is understanding you already have it; it's just waiting to be released. I am discovering my power day by day. Each time I tell my soul "yes," I can feel myself being pulled in the direction I am meant to go. It's a lifting feeling ...a high if you must. I shut my eyes in question and open them in decision. I may be an intern, but dammit I have such power. No fears, just desire and space for fulfillment.

So how was your day?

I encourage everyone to selfishly commit to themselves. Life's short. If you don't commit to you, it'll be a brief and lonely life. And while I'm telling tales in heaven of the amazing places I visited, the beautiful people I met, the wonderful sex I had, and the delicious food I ate, it'd be nice to have someone to compare stories with.

Fin.

Discovering the Recipe for Sugar

At what point does one say they've "made it?" Life throws so many curve balls that often the plan I intended to follow isn't the same as the one I end up seeing through. I believe one of the biggest components of success is opportunism. I've learned that I have limited control over the path laid before me, and I can be nice to people and put out all the positive energy in the world I want, but truly whatever will be will come to me. I've just got to learn to maximize all opportunities and "make it" with what's being thrown at me.

When I scrolled through the pdf I have of The 50th Law of Power, this lesson literally jumped out at me. I couldn't ignore it. I believe the universe gives you exactly what you need at exactly the right time.

Lesson 3:: Turn Shit into Sugar — Opportunism::
Every negative situation contains the possibility for something positive, an opportunity. It is how you look at it that matters. Your lack of resources can be an advantage, forcing you to be more inventive with the little that you have. Losing a battle can allow you to frame yourself as the sympathetic underdog.

Do not let fears make you wait for a better moment or become conservative. If there are circumstances you cannot control, make the best of them. It is the ultimate alchemy to transform all such negatives into advantages and power.

Knowledge right?!? This is sometimes the hardest thing for me to put into action. I mean when shit gets bad, it's really bad. However, if we've got more life to live let's live it by milking everything dry.

Take for example Elliot Spitzer's mistress Ashley Dupree. Or everyone's mistress Kat Stacks. Or even the visually appealing Kim Kardashian. The shit they got into would be getting caught. The sugar is parlaying their scandals into mega media money. I mean sure these women aren't exactly perfect role models for 8yr old girls everywhere, but honestly if they can make sugar out of that shit, then anything must be fair game.

I've never heard a story from any maven that made it with ease. There's always some sort of rocky terrain. I just always assumed that if I did everything the right way I would never struggle. Then real life reminded me that I am not exempt from the ways of the world I live. I've got to make my own recipe for sugar with the shit I've got. Opportunism is challenging, but I've got a bit of a sweet tooth.

The Independent Woman Killed the Real Man

It all started a few summers ago when Webbie decided to make I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T the new female anthem. I would be in the club with my fake ID saying "check" everytime he rapped another item I had of my own. Yes I pay my own rent. And when I want steak and shrimp for dinner, I go buy my own steak and shrimp for dinner. Period. I know I can take care of myself, but you want me to have two jobs to be a bad broad? If I'm doing all of this for myself, why do I need you in my life again? And why are we listening to a man named Webbie to define the standard of women these days?

Then came NeYo. He made the independent woman sound like "that chick" I really wanted to be. Twice. It was like the first song wasn't enough. You really needed a remix to understand how wonderful a woman is that can literally stand, run marathons, and leap bounds all on her own two feet. Soon women everywhere were claiming they didn't need a man to do anything for them. I mean anything. It's been the trend ever since.

But why?

Let's look at this independent woman phenomenon from a societal point of view. Many women, especially black women, are seriously living their lives without a man to be the other half. My mom and most of my aunts did the mother and father role. They're truly independent women. But they didn't walk around singing it like it were a badge of honor. These are the cards life dealt, so they learned to make lemon pie out of lemons. Maybe Webbie, NeYo, and all the wonderful people who loved these songs felt a connection to them because of their own personal experiences with independent women. I can't lie, I bought the ringtone. But doesn't the independent woman get courted? Do we have to go dutch on the first date for you to know you have a top notch chick on your hands? Is it no longer acceptable to want you for more than sex? Because technically, I can buy that too if I've truly got my own...

Switching gears to the effect this can have on a relationship: fellas, do you truly believe you're connecting with a woman who hasn't allowed you to step up in her life? A woman who continues to be completely self reliant isn't making room for you anywhere else but her bed. No matter how exciting that may sound right now, if you're ever looking for longevity, you're not going to find it under those stakes. Take my wonderful mother for example. As stated before, she was mommy and daddy for a while, but being the newlywed that she is I'm sure she's riding shotgun sometimes because that's what men and women do when they commit to each other. Emphasis on "each other." That makes it a dual thing. Boys and girls play the "too independent" games, and when it's "each other," there's no room for that kind of stuff. Comfort within yourself means allowing each other to play their rightful role in a relationship. Court me, dammit. Serve me and I will serve you.

As a secret fan of The Bad Girls Club I want to talk about the date Kendra had at the chicken wing spot a few episodes back. Her date really left her with the whole tab. How rude? He didn't even offer to contribute to their $20 check because he claimed he was testing her. *insert Scooby-Doo voice here* What would the Millionaire Matchmaker have said about him?

I won't dwell on this too long. Guys, don't be jerks. Your mama's raised you better. Ladies, don't allow yourself to be walked on like that. It's not acceptable if you don't allow it to be. Once you know how to be treated like a lady, why would you ever, ever, EVER step backward? I thought we were the progressive half of the species.

There are two laws I want to make apply to this sweeping injustice...

Fellas, Law 11:: Learn to keep people dependent on you :: To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.

Bottom line, don't become extinct. As nice as it is to keep $10 in your pockets because she bought her own movie tickets, she's going to find the one she needs and I don't mean financially. If you don't step it up and be the partner a woman is owed by God, someone else will. The ideal man will sing the NeYo song and he opens the car door.


Ladies I got one for you too. Law 34:: Be royal in your own fashion: Act like a Queen to be treated like one:: The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated. In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a queen respects herself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seem destined to wear a crown.


Don't be scared to be a queen. Take the place you know you deserve, because factually a real man wouldn't let himself be so disposable. He wants a front seat in your life and isn't afraid to take good care of you and show that you deserve the best from him to complete the best life you're making for yourself. When you act simple, you get simple men. I'll take the best, thank you. The ideal kind of woman is one who is independent but can still relinquish power to her man. Put...the... check...DOWN. He's got it.

Now "5-star Chick..." I don't have any arguments about.

Law 28: Enter Action With Boldness

I love the 48 Laws of Power. What scriptures do for the soul, these provide for behavior.

Law 28 :: Enter Action With Boldness :: If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one admires the timid.

In short, have courage in all that you do. When you really think about it what have you got to lose? Either you mess up with confidence or you mess up and look a mess. That's too much messy for me. The bolder I am, the more convincing I am, to both you and me. Boldness is a presence, and the weak have none next to me. Like-minded individuals stick together, and I am a lioness, not its prey. I can see everything I want and make steps toward them with confidence because the obstacles don't exist. They cause hesitation. My boldness doesn't allow for such. I will conquer life forcefully.

I can say I'm right, and what can you do about it? As I said before, I have the power.

I Breathe Power

As many of you know, I am currently an intern at WSB TV, the ABC affiliate station in Atlanta. Can I just say this has been the most personally stressful internship I have ever taken. I've never felt more incapable. Yeah, I've had my share of crazy jobs. On a scale of 1 to 10, PINK Magazine ranks 150 on some stuff I'll never put myself through professionally ever again, but I finally found the one job I am so eternally passionate about, and here is my opportunity to make my bold entrance into the field. The problem is I am so anxious to make a good impression, I'm scared to make a bad one, which results in my not making any impression at all.

I am one month into the starting position of a lifetime, and I refuse to squander my opportunities, so I've turned to other people's experiences for a little inspiration.

Meet Robert Greene. I've been reading The Art of Seduction for maybe three years now (it's what I need when I need it), and I recently downloaded The 48 Laws of Power, so it's safe to say I'm a fan of his work. I am also, however, skeptical of anyone who claims to have life all figured out, and frankly if you follow his words, you'll beast this little world we live in. So I had to find out who he is, and because I'm just not that connected in the media industry, I found all I needed on his blog. Drink this nourishing excerpt below:

"When I was fresh out of college and starting my writing career at a magazine in New York, I will never forget a particularly lovely spring afternoon in which the editor of the magazine invited me for lunch to discuss my latest article. I thought it was a good piece I had written and was expecting some praise. Instead, he proceeded to dissect the article, explain why it was so bad, why I would never be a writer, and what other careers I should think about.

This of course shocked me. But instead of thinking of myself, I couldn't help study the man who was saying this. He was downing one gin and tonic after another, in the middle of the afternoon. The following image came to me, one I remember to this day as vividly as ever: this man was like a house that looked okay from the outside, but on the inside, all of the beams and supports were rotting and termite infested...from alcohol, from his own sad life. I also had the feeling that maybe some twenty years earlier another editor had given him the same ugly talk, and it worked, and so instead of being a writer, he turned into a dried-up editor, full of regrets. His way was not to help others avoid the same mistake, but to do the opposite.

I went home and thought about this, a lot. Yes, my writing could sometimes be a little chaotic and all over the place, but I was young, finding my voice. Deep down inside of myself I had faith. I was different and weird, and I would express it in words or go down in flames. But why was this man deliberately trying to sabotage me? Why not be constructive and helpful? It soon dawned on me that this was not an objective opinion on his part, but some twisted need to put down other young writers. Working with mediocre writers made him feel better about himself. With such writers, he could do a lot of editing, which was obviously his big joy in life. Analyzing it in this way, I felt I had absorbed my first body blow in the work world and had survived.

Over the years, I collected many more body blows from idiotic editors, manipulative bosses who took credit for my work, sadistic managers who wanted to show their power, saboteurs of all kinds (what can I say, I worked in Hollywood for several years.) But for some reason this first one has always stood out, because it taught me something I will never forget: there are ugly people in the world.

They manipulate, play political games, etc. Their first concern is not doing a good job but protecting their egos, assuaging their insecurities. It is not my role in life to figure out what their problem is, or what made them this way, or how I can help them. I am not a social worker. I will not get sucked into their dynamic, or allow my emotions to be entangled in their games. It is nothing personal. Their problems go way back, to mommy and daddy, no doubt. I will get out of their way, or I will find ways to protect myself, or even return their blows if necessary. It can be rough out there, and I am not going to whine about it or complain, I am going to succeed and have the last laugh in this life."

So this is obviously the worst case scenario in my mind. I think I would die if someone told me I should find a different career. This is what I want to do. And because it's in front of the camera, I'm leaving myself open for all sorts of scrutiny and judgment. No one has ever put me down at WSB, but if they do what will my response be? Will I run away and re-evaluate my entire life? Not anymore. And three New York Times bestselling novels later, I can see what quitting can prevent. I can see what self confidence can accomplish. I can feel what power promotes. All of my fear comes from within, and Robert Greene isn't more divinely favored than I am. I can reach my dreams too. Cue the Goapele.

Hell yes I need a lot of work to be where I want to be. Bring it on. Or better yet, I'm going to go find it. I am going to succeed and have the last laugh in this life.

Whew.

Frenemies? There's a Law for that.

Law 2 of The 48 Laws of Power: Never Put Too Much Trust In Friends, Learn How To Use Enemies

"Be wary of friends-- they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them."

Damn that's bold. Didn't your mom say "be nice to everyone?" Now Robert Greene is saying you may want enemies more than friends for your own personal gain. After reading this, I sat in reflection of people who I would consider my enemies as I tried to extract a lesson or two.
I hate the word "hater." Some people just don't like your ass. Period. Let's be honest. They may not like the way you do things, or they may truly envy the way you've got it all together but whatever the case may be, having enemies is something we all experience. We may as well grow from it.

If I can be honest for a minute, I've learned about letting go of the past, about pleasing other people, about burning unnecessary bridges so I don't make a mistake and walk backwards, and about keeping my mouth shut to stupid people, all from enemies. Don't you think these are all necessary life lessons? Where would I be if I hadn't learned them? Where friends are so used to being pleasant, and family is with you no matter how much you act a fool, sometimes you need to experience that real loss to truly gain. Strength, courage, and wisdom don't come from walks among roses. You have to be tested. So thank you to my loyal enemies. Do you see how wonderfully everything's turning out for me?

PS. The image is of my two favorite "frenemies" Natalie and Kate from Bad Girls Club. Pure entertainment.