It's Over... Kind Of

Women are good at being unable to realize when something is over, aren’t we? I mean, once you break up how many conversations about the status of the relationship does a girl need? There is no relationship. It’s over. But is it?

If you’re like most women I know, there’s an in between phase you don’t enjoy, but somehow seem to find yourself in the middle of anyway. He may not be spending the night every night, but he may come through on the late night twice a week. He may be talking to other girls, but in your mind he’s still yours. The two of you may even go on a few dates together, but the fact still remains, that ain’t your man anymore.

See my days are cold without you

But I'm hurting while I'm with you.

Though my heart can't take no more I just keep running back to you.

--Ashanti

Here’s my list of the top 5 things to do to forget about this in-between bum. You may not need him, but you need to follow these rules. Dedicated to all the situations I let sit in my house well after the expiration date had passed.

Sing the song, “We Can’t Be Friends.” I’m one of those girls who thinks you can be friends with an ex-boyfriend. This has caused me more pain than the actual break-up. Men just don’t see it that way. I feel I can still use your network, and rely on the fact that you know me better than most others, therefore making you the perfect bestie. The reality is you don’t need the stress that comes with this friendship. Every time you get together you’ll want it to be like old times, and nope “friends” don’t fuck. So let this friend go on his merry way.

The blame here goes to the men. If only you could be as peaceful as we are and just be cool, you would have a wonderful woman in your corner. But then could you as the woman keep it together, or is this just your personal compromise with yourself? You can’t have all of him but you’re fine with a piece. No ma’am. In 2010 we don’t settle. And we go where we’re celebrated, not just tolerated. Sing the remix ladies: We can’t be friends…. I’m just so much better than you.

Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you

Hate the thought of her being with someone else

But you know that it's over

You know that it's through

--Usher

Delete the number. Y’all aren’t friends right? So why do you need the number? When are you gonna need to call him? What are you gonna need him for? The last boyfriend I had had a name that began C-H. So everytime I would go to call my Aunt Christine, Mr. C-H popped up to the top of my address book. Then I would start to get all sad about the phone conversations we would have. And I would think back to the wonderful way he made me feel. And then I would want to text him. And then I was fucking up because none of the fights we had popped into my head. Delete the number, and the sooner the better.

Here, no one can take the blame. You save numbers in this day and age. You just have to be big enough to delete them too. Here’s a comforting thought: If he still cares he’ll call you soon enough and you’ll have the number again. However if he doesn’t, you’ve removed the thirsty option from your choices of people to hit up today.

I can't leave him alone...

--Ciara

Just say no. No one likes getting laid regularly more than I do. But I doubt it’s worth all the side stress that comes with it. Plus, can you guarantee he’s not sleeping with someone else too? All of a sudden it’s sex you’re risking your life for. Yes, it’s that serious! This isn’t a monogamous relationship if it isn’t a relationship. So let’s set the scene: It’s 12:15am, and when you were in a relationship, the two of you would be settling into bed at this time. Now that you’re single, he’s texting you asking if you want company for the night. Your answer needs to be “Nope I’m good, I’m really tired.” He does not need to be coming over because it’s not gonna be just for tea. You’re a progressive woman. Don’t run in circles, run pyramids. Take note, you’re not really giving him an excuse either. He’s not entitled to one. Just tell him kindly that it’s a no go, and take your ass to bed. This is the hardest, but if you do it and stick to your guns you will be walking the path to inner resolution.

Blame game: Him. He ought to be ashamed of his little frisky, horny self.

Live fabulously! He wins if you’re unhappy while he’s moved forward. Go out. Meet sexy new men. Do work. Make your life matter more. Time isn’t on your side. Who wants to look back and see wasted days spent thinking about someone who is unworthy? You will leave your legacy, don’t tarnish it by selling yourself short. I often think about how Obama’s ex-girlfriends must feel. If I were one of them I would feel salty as hell we didn’t make it work. Really? I would be Mrs. Barack Obama right now. As for Barack, he’s Barack. He isn’t worried about any ex! He’s a gem. So are you. Maximize your possibilities. Be that chick for yourself, but it’s sweet to think someone’s really really going to regret letting you go.

Blame it on you if you don’t follow this rule. Go out and get your life my love! Make moves! Take this opportunity by the balls!

Repeat. You’re going to kiss a lot of frogs, and maggots, and possums, before you meet a king. Remember we aren’t looking for princes, and that king is going to be a real step up guy. No bullshit. Or low bullshit. Either way, don’t let the misbehaviors of many prevent you from finding happiness with one. Don’t regret things that made you smile, but take everything as a learning experience.

When I think of relationships, even though I don’t want to get married, I think of those that last. They take effort, but they make it past the on-again off-again bullshit this blog post is describing. If you have to beg him to be there, what’s he gonna give when he’s by your side? A friend once said, if you hold onto something that’s trying to let you go, you get dragged through the dirt. Touché. I’m too bad a chick to roll through dirt, how about you?

I believe you can have your cake and eat it too.

I mean why else would you have cake?

But you can't have MY red velvet,

with the cream cheese icing I may add,

and still be looking for strawberry.

How selfish?!?! And why would you want that second rate flavor??

I'll just find someone else to enjoy my goodies.

And trust me, they ARE good.

But you already knew that.

--Me!