The Numbers Game (Yes I'm Talking About Sex)

How many men is too many men for a woman to have slept with? I hate this subject. For women, the name of the game is the lower the better. We won’t even acknowledge the male-female double standard involved. Does oral sex count to increase the number? If you regret a partner, can you wipe him off your count list? What’s the difference between sexual liberation, experimenting to discover your body, and just being a loose woman? Do you share your number with your partner? Do you even want to know his?

As women, we play the numbers game. As grown women, we need to come up with a formula that works for us. Each time we take off our clothes to become intimate, it seems we have to consider more than simply what we want. We also have to address the moral backlash that comes with making our own decisions. Sexuality is my God-given gift, and I’m thankful for it everyday. Calves made for high heels weren’t an accident. Back dimples are an intentionally placed touch from His hand. My tig-ol-bitties are a nightmare to dress, but I've got the rest of my life to figure it out. Every part of me is meant to be loved and appreciated, by myself forever, and by someone else for as long as I care to let them.

So, how many people should I care to let? Are double digits cool? Or maybe only 5 before I turn 25? I’ll never tell. My mom reads this. And, oh yeah, I wouldn’t want you to think less of me for being comfortable in my skin. I’ve been frisky, I’ve been a prude, but now I’m taking credit for being happy loving me.

So do you tell him? Do you ask him his number? Who cares. What we need to do is make our way to the clinic and make sure we haven’t done any real damage by trying to find ourselves. Sure, there are always those partners you wish you could erase. Do it. It’s YOUR number. But make sure all your relationships-- sexual, professional, anything – were learning relationships. Kids count. Young women regret. Grown women grow. Just be smart.

My mom tried to sit all of my sisters and I down to talk about sex. Really, why? I still giggle about sex around my mom. Yes I’m 22. She’s still my mom. But if I could give my sisters any advice on playing this game, I’d say “you be you, because you’re going to have bad judgement once in a while. You’re going to learn everything you’re supposed to learn. And then you’ll add that last number and realize what all your other numbers were getting you ready for in the first place.”

And if all else fails, have sex by yourself, because that doesn’t count. HA.

Just for Kicks: How to Stay Out of Trouble on Twitter

I know what all my best friends are up to, and it’s not because Big Brother is watching. There’s something to be said about this minute by minute explosion of thoughts that is TWITTER. The whole setup was made to create a little drama in people’s lives. People follow you, but you don’t have to follow them back. People can be included in dialogue with a simple @reply. And others can be spoken of with a #subliminaltweet. Communication is consistent, but the exact degree is up to each individual’s discretion.

The jig is up, I have a twitter account I was hoping to keep secret from employers and until this very post, I had done a pretty good job of that. My real handle is @kissthagun and my honesty and big mouth have earned me my fair share of drama. There’s a boy that I liked, and once he started following “Vanity (my down low twitter name)” he stopped calling. I met my last boyfriend on twitter and we broke up by unfollowing each other. More recently, I hurt a nice guy’s feelings by expressing my feelings about his drawn out phone conversations. Call me a twitter bully. I think this social network has really impacted my life.

Whoa.
A bit much? Might be. So here’s a list of harmless tweets to keep things more boring and less incriminating.

• Inspirational tweets. This includes any retweets of Rev Run, Ralph Marston, and God when you feel moved to; people love a good scripture. Helps keep them from having to read the Bible themselves.

• Day and time statuses. Like “Good morning! Happy Friday!”

• Ego stroking tweets. “I’m putting in work. What are you doing?!”or "I grind so hard..."
  

• Quotes by random famous people. And rap lyrics only true hip hop heads understand.

• Twitpics of food you’re eating or clothes and shoes you’re buying.

• Zodiac facts about your sign and how freaky and intelligent you (insert sign here) are.

• Shameless publicity about parties you’re throwing or albums you’re buying.

• Tweet celebs. They won’t tweet back, but still try.

• Acknowledge who you’re with. Then they’ll retweet and all of a sudden you’re famous. The more the merrier.

• Stay away from trending topics! This is #subliminaltweet alley!

This should keep you busy for the most part. Busy and out of trouble. As for me, I’ll just keep getting in trouble for my open book twitter page. Check me out though, I promise I’ll be fun.

Anthony Bourdain NEEDED Reservations in Liberia

I just finished watching Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations on the Travel Channel and I have to say I was impressed. After watching the Vice special where all the children were high and the war lords were plenty, it was nice to see someone go in and have a pleasant view at times. There were a few points I'd like to discuss.

Why did he have to eat everywhere? As a tourist in Liberia, no one would go to an off-the-radar village and climb the trees for oil. I've never eaten meat off the street either. Why didn't he enjoy meals at La Pointe? Or spend his evenings at the casinos? His experience was not at all what you or I would do if we took the trip to Liberia.

That was the most disorderly cultural dance I've ever seen.

He painted the perfect picture of Monrovia though. I cannot be mad at that. Hella churches, hella people, and tons of road work. That about covers it all. I wonder if he bought a scratch card off the street...

I've gotten super sick everytime I've been to Liberia. I completely understood and felt for him as he laid in agony on the surfboard. I was right at that lodge thinking yeah I can't be here right now. And that's home. I understand the realities of this fight your body will have with you as you dine in the smile of West Africa.

Hello Anthony, people swallow food when they need to eat to live, not eat to enjoy. In the immaculate words of Weezy F. Baby, "shut up bitch, swallow."

Did anyone see Jollof Rice during his stay? Tsk Tsk. He didn't really eat then did he?

Life is sweet when you're at Robertsport with a Club Beer right?!! I mean, try and name something better than that. Don't worry, I'll wait.

Again, why did he have to eat everywhere? Say NO to "bush food!"

When I read Anthony Bourdain's blog about his trip in March, I wasn't sure what to expect from this episode. Once he edited the footage, he painted a better picture of Liberia than I anticipated. He made me miss home. Here's this stranger digging into our history AND our pots and ernestly swallowing both. Sure it sucks when he closes with thoughts of Liberia never coming back, but truly, when we say it will return to what it once was are we speaking from hope or with evidence?

There's a scene in the movie Their Eyes Were Watching God where Halle Berry is floating on her back looking at the sun. And all she says is that she's watching God. I had a similar moment at Robertsport in Liberia for Christmas. Well, that is, until the Atlantic wave washed me away. But when I regained sight and feeling, I felt like God had to be watching me right there at that second in my home country. All the people I met in those three weeks were waiting for me to be right there at that second, taking in all that I had missed of my culture and home due to unrest. That same sun shone as my peers fought under it years prior. And there I was swimming in new waters, looking out to a canvas full of space for me to create. That's the Liberia Anthony Bourdain couldn't see. My Liberia is the Liberia Anthony Bourdain did not understand. When he decides to make reservations next time, maybe he might catch a glimpse of these things. Until then, we sincerely thank you for opening up your mind and heart and trying.

Liberia to James the photographer. No Reservations.

Liberia to Emmalee the philanthropist and world educator. No Reservations.


Liberia to Alahna and Azara, young Liberian girls living in America. No Reservations.


Liberia to Aisha, world party-goer. Reservations at a bar =)


Liberia to me. Baby Archel, my godchild on the beach for Easter Sunday. No Reservations.

Had I known he was going there I would have had him stop by our house so Doris (the cook) could send some casava leaf to bring back. Nothing better than that huh? Ay yah, leave comments for me below please mah people.

There's no Law for the Lord.

I have to apologize to you my faithful followers. I wouldn't truly be giving you all of me if I didn't share tidbits of my spiritual side as well. I'm keeping amazing secrets and that's truly not fair. As much as I love The 48 Laws of Power, I believe in the power of the Lord, or universe if you wish to call it, to send you along your desired and destined path. I recently read a piece of Joel Osteen's blog, and I wanted to lazily share this message with you. I know, I know, I didn't author it, but when the word reaches you in ways you need to be touched, sometimes you just gotta share it and hope others receive a blessing in their own right.

What comfort zone is holding you back from experiencing all that God has placed in your heart? Friend, life is very short. Make sure you're sharing your gift with the world. If you're not passionate about what you are doing or passionate about your career, then you need to consider making changes... Remember, your gifting is a part of your purpose. No matter how successful you are, if you're not fulfilling your purpose, you will feel that sense of dissatisfaction. Don't waste another day because now is the time to press forward and fulfill what God has placed within you!

I want the money, the money and the cars, the cars and the clothes, the (clothes)... I suppose. I just wanna be successful. --Trigga

It's a beautiful night to live my beautiful life. --Jeezy

It's a beautiful day to make my beautiful reign. --Moi ("Me" for you uncultured people)

There's nothing wrong with wanting, as long as you're wanting to expose your gift to the world. That's what your purpose is. Want to do it. Then DO it.

Sometimes I think about how I'm an itty bitty soldier in this big ole world. My dreams overwhelm me. I feel power-less. And then I recall how I didn't brew this power I have, these ideas I hold, these strengths I posess. It came from somewhere. And it doesn't sit inside to remain dormant, or tease against the things others have. No ma'am. I'm meant to be great. God has placed that within me. The 48 Laws are a lil bit incomplete, but since we've now shared the secret let's try to completely overwhelm the world with our greatness and potential, can ya?

Friends in Crazy Places

I've been hella lazy. Look at the time gap between these posts. Never fear, more of me is HERE. Literally. JKH2 is HERE has reached $9250 and the last three slots to $10000 are probably going to go faster than champagne in a VIP. Check the video below.



SOOOOO have you signed up yet? James is one of my friends in crazy places because HELLO who else raised $10000 for Haiti?

Don't worry I'll wait while you think on that.

But he won't wait for you to sign up.

Do it HERE

Why the Relationship Jury Will Find Me Guilty

I’m going to go easy on the guys for a real quick second and express the ways I walk into relationship trouble. Ladies, failed relationships are usually, yes, all the man’s fault. But let’s say there’s a chance we could have helped things move in a different direction. Without further adieu, here is my list of actions that have kept this single girl single, my stupid relationship mistakes.

I’m guilty of not screening the guys carefully enough. I love men. Sexy men, smart men, men with passports; I just have a weakness for men. However the guys I like are not always the right men for me. I settle for sexy OR smart, and it shouldn’t be a compromise. If he doesn’t do what I need him to do now, he’s not going to do it further down the line, and I should guard my heart until I’ve met someone who’s met all the requirements and exceeded expectations.

I’m guilty of forcing the commitment. Stacey Dash said she’s been engaged so many times because the sex is crazy. Well if we haven’t built a good foundation for a relationship, it’s not going to last with or without amazing sex. Sometimes we force the commitment to feel secure, not because we know we’re with the right guy. No bueno.

**You could be guilty of this in several ways. Maybe you continually press the idea of being exclusive. Whatever the case may be, force isn't an attractive relationship word. Flow sounds much more comfortable. If he wants to be with you, he will. It will flow.

I’m guilty of not picking my battles. Emotional Archel wants to talk about everything, she never quite shuts the fuck up, and most times that’s needed. I don’t win by arguing, and he’s frustrated when he hears me nag. I mean when was the last time you angrily pointed out where a man could do better, and he agreed with you? Exactly. There are always fish to fry, but is it worth frying the baby fish?

I’m guilty of trying to be the perfect girlfriend, but not necessarily working toward the best relationship. I know, I know. I’m perfect. But I need to recognize my happiness isn’t contingent upon his. Dating is an audition, but not a broadway play. You want to know if you’re right for each other, instead of play pretend until you can’t take anymore. Sometimes I wanted what I wanted to be right for me. Sometimes you need to get down and dirty to know if you should be in that situation at all. Avoiding fights isn’t always the best route to take. You gotta show your true colors to find out if they blend.

I’m guilty of letting my girlfriends in my relationship. Most things are meant to be between the two of you. Work 'em out within yourselves. I always wanted my man to be friends with my girls. I would talk up one to the other so much so that my boo and my bff’s could blend and we could all be one big happy family. Then, one of my “girls” dated “my man.” Even if they’re looking in your best interest, your girls can make some problems bigger than necessary because of how much you let them tell you how to feel. Either way, a relationship should stay between the two parties involved. Let your girls watch romance movies and reality television if they want drama. Your life isn’t it.

I’m guilty of not letting it be over. Some relationships run their course. When you spot that yours has, let the course end and walk away with some dignity. People always say women should trust our intuitions, go with our guts. Sometimes our intuition is telling us things and we cannot clearly hear them. Your gut tells you there’s a little more juice left to squeeze from the relationship. Yes, listen to your gut, but don’t trust it unconditionally. Don’t be thirsty. It’s damaging to future relationships, and the only one who stands to lose is you (see It’s Over).

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
-- Marilyn Monroe

Serving Others #97, 66, and 1

Service, Schm-ervice. This shit is hard. Who would have thought it would be so hard to serve others? With each task I find myself struggling not to serve my own wants. At any rate, day 2, 3, &4:

1. Smile:: This is a great habit to develop to start each and every day and to practice whenever you have the chance. The great thing is that smiling at others is easy and takes nothing but a little effort. Nearly everyone responds to a smile and it makes you and the other person feel better immediately.
Smiling is super hard, not because I'm not a happy person, but because I'm too cool to smile at everyone. Sometimes I would catch myself smiling at people and they would look away of discomfort. Other times I would just look and smile at an attractive guy, like at the pool party we hosted last night. When you smile at someone, it makes starting a conversation so much easier. Alas, I'm still only smiling at cute guys which only benefits me. I will say this, smiling is amazing to break the ice, and hard when you're used to being the cool girl. This will definitely be something to work on in my 100 days.

I tied this in with task #97 at the pool party.

97. Say hello often to strangers::Living in Calgary, while it isn’t a huge city, its much bigger than the small town I grew up in and it is odd how seldom people say hello. I hate that about the city and I’m doing my best to change it. You can to by greeting strangers, smiling in public and by simply hello to people as often as you can around the city. I ride my bike to work and love the bike paths I ride along as I often pass by people and have a chance to spread a smile and a hello. Most often it brings a smile in return and isn’t that a great way to serve. I think so.

Once again I used the party scene as a crutch. Would I have spoken so freely had I passed these people on the streets? Nah. How about females? Probably not. Why is being nice so hard? Let's be honest, I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Being friendly is really something we're not all that used to. I'm working on it but it's going to take a little while and a lot of effort.

66. Express your passions::Passions expose a positive attitude, joy and excitement from a person when they are expressed, or at least more so than normal topics. This excitement rubs off on others and in turn help to encourage them to be excited or to express their own passions as well.
Super selfish. I could talk about what I want to do all day long. Yesterday my favorite, hiring COO was more than happy, as usual, to lend an ear and lots of time for me to chat about my dreams and goals. **Checks off list and pushes the easy button.** Not quite sure what I accomplished from this but I'm glad my life could make someone else's day.