Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Naked Hustle

I will probably never forget the first time I went to a strip club. I was with 3 of my girls and some dude invited us to come out for a good time. It was of course the infamous Magic City, and for a strip club starter, my eyes opened about as wide as many of the legs in that venue. My first lap dance came from a veteran stripper named Mona Roe. I selected her off the stage because she was tall and had really ideal features for a woman: brown skin, thin, high butt, long weave, the like. As a woman who doesn't like women in a sexual capacity, I chose what I thought a guy would choose. She danced a bit in front of me and then sat directly on my lap. Then my mouth matched my eyes. I was officially turned out.

There are several reasons I like going to strip clubs.
  • I don't have to dance. Hello, there's already entertainment so I don't have to compete.
  • There are lots of pretty girls, and where there are pretty girls the guys are sure to follow.
  • When guys have loose money, they like to showout. And if I can get a free drink or chicken wing plate because you like to stunt, I won't stop you.
  • I can always learn a move or two for my private collection.
  • I am a secret fan of the hood music. There's really nothing like it.
  • It's a more generous environment than a regular nightclub. People are more generous with conversation, cash, skin, etc. And if you're going to pay $20 to get in either way, you may as well get the most booty for your buck.
  • A guy, for whatever reason, likes a girl that doesn't feel threatened by a room of naked women. If I'm cool with that, you don't have to be worried about any self-confidence issues over here.
  • I live in Atlanta. Our strippers are celebrities for whatever reason.
But I can completely understand why a woman would feel quite the opposite.
  • Strip clubs are kinda trashy. I mean, aren't there a few people you wouldn't like seeing you walking out of your local titty bar?
  • It is a huge waste of money. You've thrown stacks at a girl who isn't going home with you that night. Even a gold digger will sleep with you.
  • Some say it degrades women, but I don't really know what to count as degrading. Without going into that discussion, we'll just add "degrading" to this list.
  • It makes us think you're shopping for something you're not getting at home. If I'm at home, just come to me. I'll do a little dance for you. You can call your regular gentleman-like behavior the payment. Win-win for all.
  • Some women are slightly insecure about it. Are you comparing us to what you see there? Are you looking to find someone new? We can't all be the cool girlfriend when your goal is to look at T&A. Call me crazy but that might touch a nerve!
So what's our solution ladies? Is this a naked demon you can fight? Maybe in a pit of mud or a bath of jello in white t-shirts? Why don't we see this as another "if you can't fight em, join em" situation. Take a day of the week and go to a strip club with a completely open mind. Be the un-jealous woman in a room full of men. Imagine how liberating it could be to throw someone else's one dollar bills at a gyrating, toned woman with strategically placed tattoos as she smiles back at you with respectful acknowledgement. Just go! And enjoy! And wear stretch pants because I don't think they clean the chairs or couches of coochie. Step 1 on being "the wonderfully liberated woman" is to check it out with wide legs. I mean eyes. And mind. Wide eyes and mind. Yes.

Step 2 is to locate the stripper within yourself and then set her fiercely free! This step is not only for the bold. Pole dance is an international sport. The things women can do on a pole so gracefully may shock you. After having searched for a fun way to tone up and gain flexibility, I found this class at PoleLaTeaz, and it happened to have an added bonus of "nighttime skill." The women who've attended classes at this venue also experience a surge of confidence. With varying body types and skill levels, ladies keep the classes full as they find their own sex appeal. Since we all know how I feel about living your best, most full life, you can see why I would think this is another great element of exotic dance classes.

I support the naked hustle, because when I'm "boo-ed up" I'll have one of my own. Imagine if I could make one very special person's mouth as wide as mine was when I experienced Mona Roe? Sure, it wouldn't solve all my life's problems, but I think it'd make me wink at my reflection in a mirror. The point of it all is to really accept your femininity and work it, literally, to your advantage. Approach it with such a view. Maybe just what we need is to go with our men to the clubs, eye the moves and say, "baby let's take it back to the crib. I can do all of that." What a turn on. Now who's gonna go with me to buy their first pair of six inch clear heels?

As a strip club fan myself I would like to take space in the fine print of my blog to thank the Snack Pack girls at Magic, a couple exboyfriends with large pockets, Baker or Jazmine again at Magic, and Chris for Onyx on Tuesday's. I can't say why because my mom reads my blog, but if you are one of these people or have ever been with me in these situations, you know how they contributed to this blog post. :)


  1. wow! you've got MY mouth wide open--without experiencing Ms. Mona Roe!! I'm still stuck on you learning "a move or two" for your "private collection."
    It's going to take me a while to digest this blog...A loooong while...
    Love, Mom

  2. I have just installed iStripper, and now I enjoy having the best virtual strippers on my desktop.